Many people struggle with their standing before the Lord after returning to Him from a fall. They question whether they really love God, and did they really repent. In their mind they ask, How could God still love me after what I've done? They have difficult time getting past what they did, even though God made provision for repentance: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1John 1:9, KJV). In His kindness, God leads us to repentance (see Romans 4:2). If the Father did not want us back, He would not have extended the kindness to us. Jesus never would have come to begin with. God made room for our failures. He made the Provision in order for us to complete the journey.
One might ask, "How do I know I really love Him?" "How do I know I really repented?" To begin with, if you did not love God, the question would never come to mind. You could care less about whether you hurt Him or blew it. Granted, some may be motivated by the fear of hell and the lake of fire, but that is not the issue here. Question: when you blew it, did you feel grief or terror? If you felt grief, love was your motivation. Think about this, "There is no fear in love: but perfect love casts out: because fear hath torment" (1John 4:18, KJV). Those who refuse to repent have had their conscience seared with a hot iron. They don't love God, and it is impossible to renew them in such a condition. Second question: Are you still actively seeking to sin or are you going the opposite direction? If one does not resist sin, that is when it is time to take a personal inventory.
If we blow it, we turn away from our sin and run into the Father's arms. We learn from it, and move on. If we want to make up for it, we have to do it on the Father's terms: repent, receive His forgiveness, give it no more consideration, and be made whole. We need to deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow Jesus. We deny the self the right to have a "pity-party." Remember this simple principle found in Galatians 5:16, "This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh" (KJV).