A Quest For A Perfect Marriage / by David vaughn
by David Vaughn
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For Men Only
A QuestFor A perfect Marriage
By David A. Vaughn
Breaking My 5th Rib 5
Chapter One God?s Will on Marriage & Divorce 8
Chapter Two God?s Promise to You 10
Confession is Possession 11
Prayer Request for Your Wife 14
Chapter Three Mind & Time 15
Chapter Four Typical Cop-out for Divorce 18
When did You Leave Your Wife? 19
Steps of Leaving 20
Chapter Five What to Do Next 21
Keys of Hell & Death 21
Chapter Six Your Turn 26
Wisdom, Knowledge, Understanding 28
Three strikes and your out, is a rule for playing baseball. Thank God, this rule doesn?t apply to love and marriage. I have been married three times. Two of those marriages were to the same woman. My first marriage lasted sixteen years, and ended with her leaving me. The second marriage was actually a remarriage, but only lasted three days, when she decided to leave me again. My third marriage lasted fifteen years and also ended with her leaving me.
Three marriages, and three unhappy endings.
1) Why didn?t these marriages work?
2) Where was God?
3) Should I dare try again?
Taking these three questions to heart, I decided to go on a quest for the answers.
Friends and family have always considered me as a kind, gentle, and godly man. In each marriage, I only wanted the best for my wife and children. I worked hard and achieved great success. All those who knew and had insight into our lives, were convinced that in each marriage, we were the "perfect couple." The crazy part is that I believed this too! Why then would my wife want to leave me? There must be something wrong with a woman who can?t see how good she has it? Especially when she has a husband who shows devoted love and affection?
Well, this is how I saw it. I wanted to make this problem women have known to me. I wanted a preventive cure that could be executed before another marriage hit the dust. What you are about to read is the answers I received as I invited the Godhead to help me in my quest. I have written under the assumption that you are gone through a similar situation. However, if you have a happy marriage or perhaps have a "perfect marriage," you may glean some insights into seeing certain issues that caused my marriages to fail. Little did I know that what I would find, would be a life-changing lesson on selfishness?
David A. Vaughn
For Men ONLY
First may I say that there are many excellent scriptural books on saving troubled marriages from divorce. However, most of these books are based on the premise that both husband and wife desire their marriage healed and are willing to cooperate together to save their marriage. This book is dedicated to the marriages that only one of the partners is determined that the marriage should be healed. In my quest, I have found this to be the actual reality in most problem marriages.
Statistics show that in most divorces, only one partner wants the marriage healed. However, both partners fight for their rights. This makes what I call a "half- flesh" marriage.
Because I am only speaking to the "husband," I will assume that the wife is the one who does not want the marriage to continue. She may be gone away from home already, thinking her mind is made up to end the marriage. Perhaps she has already filed for divorce. If you are in this situation, you may think your marriage is hopeless. But if you are reading this book there is still hope in your marriage because deep down, you believe what Jesus said; "all things are possible."
I want to take God?s Word and show you that He can and will change the hearts of those intent on divorce. Those whom most people, even pastors, give up on saying; "when a woman's mind is made up, you just can't change it." This attitude ignores the fullness of God's Word and shows a lack of understanding of God's power. Hosea 4:6 states "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." Based on what I have personally learned about my own broken marriages, I intend to show you how to turn God?s power loose in your marriage.
Journey with me as I tell my encounters with Jesus and how He tested my love towards my mate.
Breaking My 5th Rib
It is the 5th rib that covers my heart. You (my wife) are my 5th rib. God made you from my 5th rib, and you are the one who covers my heart. Because I didn?t treasure what God has given me, I have broken the very essence of my life. I have broken my 5th rib.
There was a time when I looked into your eyes I could see my reflection, but now I am no longer there. We have become like roommates that can tough on the arms, but not in the heart as true lovers. All my dreams for you and my family should have become my love affair, but I have missed the true love of you guarding my heart.
You have sensed this for a long time and became rightfully offended. When faced with your counsel I would act out sorrow and repentance, but when my face was once again in your eyes; I went back to what I wanted to do.
I took advantage of your grace and in so doing, you have put up a wall to keep me from hurting you further. I have asked God to heal you but it is not His responsibility. You are my responsibility, God gave you to me as a glorious garden and I have not been a faithful gardener.
I have hid in my anointing for escape, and used my anointing and calling as an excuse. I have gathered pain and suffering from others, and have placed it in you. Through denial and lack of listening to your counsel, I have contaminated my garden.
Your commitment to me is gone; there is no trust and no hope. You look at me and see a liar, a thief, a fake and a hypocrite. You are correct. I have made you feel like an obstacle or a peace of furniture. I have raped and abused your protection.
You have stopped living off of yesterday's love for me. You have left me in spirit and soul and will soon leave me in your body when the timing is right. You see me as a total failure, and you are going back to the old self, that will give you survival. You will begin to hate God because of what you see in me. This too is my fault.
I have done all this not you. I am at fault not you. You did not come out of God?s rib you came out of mine. Although I don't understand fully how this works, I know it is true. When I hurt you, I wounded me.
My life and yours has become devastated and I and only I, have done this to us both. Our children feel the effects, and it is not fair to them that I have done this. But to abandon the family, is not God's will or way to rectify what I have done.
I don't know how to fix the offense I have caused. My need for you is so great that I cannot put it in words except "HELP!" But, you will not beckon to my call. The thought of loosing you compelled me to go for the golden ring. I keep going in circles but never grab hold, and the fear I fear the most has come upon me. When I awake in the morning my first prayer is that I die today so you and our children do not have to suffer through my selfishness. May I learn how to lay down my life for you?
If only I could turn back the hands of time but I cannot. The "if only" has become my prison. I see no pardon.
I dream and live for tomorrow that it will be some kind of healing oil to get things right, but tomorrow never comes and I only bring more hurt to you and my children. You are a Godly woman that has been robbed of her Godliness. My righteousness has become a filthy rag for stealing this from you.
If I was an alcoholic you could put me in AA. If I were a drug addict you could get me in rehab. If I cheated on you, you could put me in counsel. If I was physically abusing you, you could put me in jail. But, I am a dreamer of dreams and have done more harm to you then any of the above.
What is the cure for dreaming? What can keep you from hurting any more? I feel helpless and hopeless. I am loosing to life.
You ask if I would like others to see me as I am. Here is your request. Use it as you see fit. Give it to our neighbors, give it to your friends, and give it to my pastor. I am who I am, and I am willing to lay my life bare before you, God and others.
Please run towards God and not away. He is our true Father and will give you the right council. If you seek the world, you will only encounter more hurt and pain. Trust in your savior the Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit for comfort. Do not think that another man or someone outside our Faith will meet your need. Only God can do what you need the most.
I didn't think that I could hurt any more then what I have hurt over the past years, but loosing your love and respect has hurt me more then loosing to life. I have broken my 5th rib.
God?s Will On Marriage & Divorce
Matthew 19:6 "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." That really says it! This is God's will on marriage. But, let's explore God's Word further. Genesis 2:18-25 "And the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him." And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them; and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle and to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a helpmeet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept; and He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib which the LORD God had taken from man, made He a woman and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, ?This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."
The first wife was made of Adam's actual flesh and bone. They literally were one-flesh. Do you see that clearly in your mind? This is important in order for you to understand how God looks on married couples today. He looks on them to be literally one-flesh as Adam and Eve was one-flesh. Each and every married couple is as much one flesh in God's eyes as though each wife was created from her husband's flesh and bone.
Malachi 2:14-16 (Amplified Bible) "? Yet she is your companion and wife of your covenant made by your marriage vows. And did not God make you and your wife one flesh? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why did God make you two one? Because He sought a godly offspring from your union. Therefore, take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth. For the LORD God of Israel says: I hate divorce and marital separation, and him who covers his garment (his wife) with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit that it be controlled by My Spirit that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly with your marriage mate."
These scriptures are really plain, "GOD HATES DIVORCE." Therefore, if God hates divorce, He is definitely on the side of any man wanting to save his marriage. CAUTION?This does not mean that God has taken up your offense and your wife has become His enemy. It simply means that God will work in your behalf to love your wife into loving you. In doing so, God will require you to follow in His path. God will require you to search your spirit, soul and body to see if you have dealt treacherously and faithless towards your wife. God will help you do this, but you will have to carry out any commands the LORD will require you to do. God requires me to take inventory of myself every day.
God?s Promise To You
God is in love with you and your wife. I John 5:14-15 "And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He heareth us; and if we know that He hears us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of Him."
There is no use whatsoever in praying any prayer if it is not according to God's will. His will on marriage need not be a mystery. His will on any subject is in His Word. And we definitely see what His will is on marriage ? your marriage. So, here is His wonderful promise: Because God hates divorce, you can pray for your marriage to be healed. If you are praying according to God?s will, He will hear you. It doesn?t take a rocket scientist to understand God's word, so you can have confidence and know He will answer your prayer.
You can be quite brief and to the point. God's Word is like that. He doesn?t waste words or say one thing and mean another. You must learn not to take your little invisible religious pencils and cross out parts of scripture because it doesn't apply to your situation. If God says it, that's the end of it. God wants marriages healed and happy, and will answer anyone?s prayer without exception if you are willing to meet His conditions for answered prayer. No where in the Bible, does it say "what God hath joined together, let no man put asunder, except those who weren?t saved before they split up or because she was married before or, because you just can?t see eye to eye." Nor does the Bible say, "if a marriage looks and sounds too far gone, it is beyond God?s power." But the Bible does say; Matthew 19:26 "But with God all things are possible." Now either God's Word is true and you can have what the Bible says or the Bible is a lie.
If we, (whether our wife is in agreement or not) say a prayer according to God?s will, and if we walk in faith believing His word, God will change circumstances to make His word come to pass. God's Word works no matter what horrid and painful circumstances caused the marriage to fall apart.
Confession Is Possession
Mark 11:23-24 "For verily I say unto you that whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass, he shall have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, what things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them and ye shall have them."
Who is a "whosoever?" YOU, are a whosoever. If your marriage is a mess, you have a mountain. Jesus says "Speak to that mountain?Marriage be healed?Divorce be cast into the sea." Your words are creative. God formed the world with His Words. He said, "Light be" and light was. He spoke the world into existence. God has given you creative power in words. You can literally speak your marriage into wholeness. See where it says ?and shall not doubt in his heart,. If you truly believe your marriage will be whole, and do not doubt in your heart, God will take you through the steps of recovery and you will have a one-flesh marriage. A good example for building your confession of faith is a law we find in Romans 10:10 where it's states when a person "Confesses" Jesus as his Lord. He speaks his salvation into existence.
When this law becomes a reality in your heart, you will soon begin to watch what you say in all areas. You really will posses what you confess ? good or bad. Proverbs 6:2 "You are snared by the words of your mouth.." Retrain your vocabulary. Don?t say "I hope my marriage gets healed." Say "I know my marriage is healed." Never say "my wife will never change." Say "God is changing her heart." This is not hypocrisy. This is FAITH.
When we have God's will and have prayed according to His will, God started the spiritual wheel turning to bring our prayer into physical manifestation. God will do what He says. The more we speak in faith, it will become a reality on the inside of us and we will not be able to entertain any other possibilities.
Crying, begging, and pleading do not motivate God. Only faith turns God?s power loose on your behalf. God will not break His word. It breaks His heart when He sees His kids in trouble and hurting but it is faith the moves Him to action. Hebrews 11:1 "Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." II Corinthians 4:18 "While we look not at the things which are seen (your troubled marriage) but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal (subject to change) but the things which are not seen (your healed marriage) are eternal." You can see a mountain or a building but an earthquake can destroy them in a matter of a few minutes. Whatever you can see is subject to change. If someone tries to tell you that your wife will never change, you can smile and say, "Oh, but she is subject to change."
The only way you can short-circuit God's power is with your mouth by speaking words of doubt and disbelief. You must be utterly determined not to be moved by what your wife says or does, even if she has committed adultery. If she has filed for or obtained a divorce, God is well able to remarry a couple.
Stop reading and say a prayer right now for God to heal your marriage. Give God full authority to do what ever He needs to do to heal your marriage.
Do it right now!
You must not be swayed by all the weak, double-minded Christians satan will inevitably send your way, those who wouldn?t know how to get anything by faith if their life depended on it. "But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways." (James 1:6-8) speaks of a ?double-minded? man will receive nothing from the Lord. Stay away from people who try to get you to make an alternate plan in case she doesn't come home.
These Christians may as well say that God is a liar and weak, and can not make His Word good. You will get some of this kind of doubt to try to make you come off your confession of faith, so be prepared to withstand this type of attack.
Sympathy is the greatest faith robber. Discipline yourself not to go around crying on everyone's shoulder about your problems. Since God is answering your prayer, you don't have that problem anymore. You?ve cast your cares over on God and you can go your way, delighting yourself in the ways of the Lord, meditating in His Word day and night, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of your faith. Don?t be like Peter who walked on water until he took his eyes off Jesus and looked at the circumstances around him.
Find yourself a prayer partner to agree with, and pour your heart out to him. This person must be strong in faith and in God's word. One who is equipped with God's armor and can not be tricked with "mind-games." Make sure the prayer partner is a male. Agree with your partner for your marriage. When there are two in agreement, a supernatural power is released. "Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven." (Mat. 18:18,19)
"How could one chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight?" (Deut. 32:30) Mathematics teaches that if one could put 1000 to flight then 2 should put 2000 to flight. The power of agreement supersedes common mathematics logic. God is not bound to common mathematics. His power is released when two people agree, and two will equal 10,000. If only we would have used God?s mathematics and agreed with our wives before our marriages became so twisted, we would have no need of this book.
Prayer Request for Your Marriage
(This is the model I used)
1) Cover everyone that comes in contact with (your wife?s name) with the Holy Spirit. Whoever has her ear, has her heart. Therefore if it is a non-Christian, I want prayer that God will speak through them. If God could use an ass (Num. 22:22-35 & 2Pet. 2:15,16), he can use an unaware person.
2) _________ has been "snake bitten." To make an antidote, you use snake venom. God, use the words from the mouth of the snake to bring __________ to health in her relationship with Jesus.
3) Bring confusion into her camp. Everywhere she goes, Everyone she hangs with, from dance clubs - to work, let worldly thoughts be confused, and Godly thoughts be brought to the light.
4) Send ministering angels to protect her.
5) Asked Jesus to soak her hard heart to softness.
6) For me, to always walk in the spirit, and not allow my fleshly feelings to get in the way of what the Holy Spirit is doing to heal our marriage.
7) For me, to always keep quiet and let those outside, whom she is listening to, do God's work. My mind is a battlefield, and I need to bring every thought into captivity.
8) Thank the Godhead for a Resurrection.
"God is doing far more behind your backs than He is in front of your face."
Mind & Time
Your mind will be your biggest battleground. God began to do a work in your wife?s heart the instant you prayed, but if you?re going to be encouraged or discouraged by how she act or talk the next time she talks to you, you are in big trouble. PLEASE, don?t put God on your timetable.
Time, has no boundaries nor can it be a deterrent to your faith. Make up your mind that if it take 10 years to heal your marriage, you will wait forever. When you are prepared to wait forever, even 10 years doesn?t seem very long.
God will not manifest your prayer before you are ready to handle it. Your marriage problems are not all your wife's fault. You had a part in it too. Your wife only surfaced the serpent's head. One flesh means one flesh. You are just as much apart of your wife as she is apart of you. Therefore, your life must be a part of her life as her life must be apart of yours.
Men are the most selfish creatures God created. You are no exception. You must see your selfishness in every area of your life. This is a path that God is about to lead you down.
You can speed up or slow down your prayer depending on how fast you line yourself up with God's program of healing. If nothing seems to be happening, it's certainly not God's fault. Check yourself out. Keep in constant communication with God as to your part of His program. Be prepared when you ask God to change things, You may be the one He changes.
The Bible is a love letter to God's children. In it, there is Love and War. The last chapter has a happy ending but your life right now is somewhere between Malachi and Matthew. God is bringing you and your wife together to be happier then your honeymoon days, so this is a perfect opportunity to get to know Jesus better.
Read His love letter to yourself every day. Feed your spirit man and pray in the spirit. If your wife says or does something hurtful to you, yourself (soul) might say "get even and say something back." Don?t do it, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. The Jesus in you says; "love her as I have loved you." Proverbs 16:32 states "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city," so please keep your mouth shut and lay your life down for your wife.
Love your wife whether she loves you or not. Learn to operate in love at all cost. Love will keep strife out and stop satan from hindering your prayer. If you wife has left, hold this key: Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things (your healed marriage) shall be added unto you." Staying out of strife allows God to answer your prayers. Operating in love all the time will pay big dividends later.
Faith demands action. If you truly believe God is answering your prayers, you will speak like it, and you will act like it. "Faith without works (actions) is dead." Read James 2:14-26 and substitute the word "action" for "works."
Whatever action you take toward you wife, be sure to check your motive. Are you actions out of love or out of selfish ploys to get her back? Are your actions God inspired? Will your actions honor and please God?
Your actions will reveal to yourself how strong your faith is. You must live your life as if your wife is along side you, so don't do anything that is not in accordance with your marriage vows. Do not have an affair! God will not answer your prayer if you make lightly your covenant with your wife. Nor can He make light you prayer covenant with Him. You must honor your covenants. "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." (James 3:13-18)
If you try to get your wife back, you will fail. If you let God work a work in her, He will succeed. Put both your names on intercessor's prayer list. Get the warriors into battle. Call out the Intercessors, Supplicaters, Petitioners, Praisers and Musicians, and "Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord!"
The Prayer Request for Your Wife was only a model or template to use. Make your prayer personal and as you address your situation be discreet. Make sure you do not deal treacherously and faithlessly with your wife.
Remember that you are in the prayer request. God will deal you with just as much chastisement and love as He deals with your wife. Be prepared for your attitude and heart to change as well.
Typical Cop-out for Divorce
Because of Jesus' statements in Matthew 19:3-9 many claim fornication or adultery is scriptural grounds of divorce. Jesus was speaking to Jews under the Old Covenant (referring to Deuteronomy 24) who had a "hard heart." By His own actions, Jesus has called us to a higher law under the New Covenant, the law of forgiveness. Because we no longer have hard hearts, Jesus said in Matthew 18:22 we must forgive each other not seven times, but seventy times seven. Jesus forgave the woman caught in adultery, John 8:1-11, and the woman who had five husbands and was living with another man, John 4. God didn?t intend to leave men with hard hearts. He said in Ezekiel 36:26 "And I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh and will give you a heart of flesh and I will put my spirit within you and cause you to walk in my statutes and ye shall keep my judgments and do them/"
When we committed our life to Christ we received a new heart. You no longer are hard hearted and have no scriptural excuse for divorce. If your wife is not born again then include her salvation in your prayer because it is according to God's will that every person be saved, ITimothy 2:4. Are you beginning to get the picture?
IChorinthians 7: 10-11 "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband; and let not the husband put away his wife."
These verses repeat the Lord's commandments about no divorce. On first glance, it seems to be a contradiction but what it shows is a heart matter. If you wife leaves or divorces you, DON'T DIVORCE HER IN YOUR HEART. Outwardly you may be separated but in your heart, you must stay in covenant marriage.
When Did You Leave Your Wife
Two people with soft loving, forgiving hearts committed to Jesus instead of selfishness is God plan for the marriage. It is also God's plan for and is a part of God?s will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. God is the great heart-changer, and will change your wife and most definitely change you because of your willingness to change.
You do not have to change your wife. You cannot help God change your wife. You need to realize God is healing your wife as He is healing you because, you and your wife are one. You and your wife are one in love and pain.
Some men strive and grieve over what they have destroyed because they are ashamed they have failed. This is a form of pride. You need to love your wife more than hate the shame of your failure. If you really love your wife, you will realize your selfishness.
Do you love your wife more than hating the shame of your failure? This means you need to love your wife more then embracing the pain of separation. The pain of separation will consume your life and will be all you think about. If this is happening to you, then this is proof that you love yourself more then you loved your wife in the marriage. How do you think she feels? Do you want to see her hurting like you or do you want to see her well?
Chances are you really left your wife long before she left you. Let the Holy Spirit do an evaluation of all the ways you have left your wife.
The following are some of the ways the Holy Spirit has shown me in my quest to be healed:
Steps of Leaving
I wouldn?t listen when she would talk. I left her out of my listening
I would dream dreams for her, but I did not include her dreams in mine. I left her out of my dreams.
I would make decisions for the family, but I did not combine her decisions with mine. I left her out of my decisions.
I would pray for her, but my prayers was what I wanted for her not what she wanted for herself. I left her out of my prayers.
I would talk of what was on my heart, but the conversation was not about what was on her heart. I left her out of my heart.
I would worship God in the Holy of Holies, but would leave her in the inner or outer court. I left her out of heaven.
I would plan ahead in life, but neglected to include her plans in life. I left her out of my life.
I would be busy doing what I thought was important, but was not busy doing what she felt important. I left her out of my day.
I worked on meeting the normal family needs, but neglected her needs. I left her out of feeling needed.
What To Do Next
If you can relate to what has been said up to this point, chances are you are living in "HELL." Congratulations!!! You are about to take a step of faith that very few Christians get to take. Nothing will be more valuable in your life then walking through hell. It is a shame that it had to be manifested in your marriage because this was not God's choice, but your choice. Nevertheless, use where you are today, to make tomorrow victorious.
Living in hell is no fun, and you want to die. That's OK, every person who walks this narrow road, has felt the same urge to end it. But, they are still alive and doing well. The following will demonstrate what I mean.
Keys of Hell and Death
"And when I saw Him, I fell at His feet as dead. But He laid His right hand on me, saying to me, "Do not be afraid; I am the First and the Last. I am He who lives, and was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore. Amen. And I have the keys of Hades and of Death." (Rev. 1:17)
When we say that Jesus is Lord of our life, we are saying that we have positively given Him the keys to our life. Therefore, we allow Him to do with us as He sees fit. No matter what or where He wants to guide us, He has our undivided attention and uninhibited permission. As we grow in the Lord, He will guide us trough various trials and tribulation. This is done not to test us, as He already knows what we will do, but so we can see clearly ourselves, that He and He alone will gives us the victory. In our situation with divorce, the Cross is a very hard lesson, but we will have to face and embrace it, if we truly love and hold the covenant we have made towards our bride. Jesus did it for His bride.
In our maturing as spiritual beings, there comes a time that we must learn the lesson of the Cross. We must be able to identify ourselves with Jesus in every aspect, and allow the work of the Cross to have its full effect within every fiber of our life. This will not be a pleasant experience. Jesus Himself, in his humanity, ask for this cup to be lifted, but understood, and allow the Godhead to have His perfect will in the matter. Throughout all eternity, Jesus never experienced a separation from the Father or Holy Spirit. They were always together. But, the Cross was where Jesus cried out those horrifying words; "My God, My God, why have thou forsaken Me?" (Mat. 27:46)
In that brief moment of time, the Father turned His back on His Son. He could not see and missed looking upon "our" sins. After the Cross had finished its work, Jesus presented Himself once again to the Father and the Holy Spirit as payment for our guilt. The Godhead declared us "Not Guilty." As the Levies were in the loins of Abraham, we too, were in the loins of Jesus.
I have mentioned, the experience of the Cross, will not be a pleasant experience, because after the Cross-, yet still part of the Cross-experience, comes the death and burial.
It is easy and pleasant for us to walk with Jesus in the cool of the day, but when the time comes for God to do a perfect cleansing to refine us, and take away the dross, "FIRE" will be required. During the three days Jesus spent in the grave, He had a little visit to hell and death, and received some keys. Kind of like the keys we gave him to our life. These keys however were for us, not Him. Now, the gates of hell and death are unlocked and will not prevail against us.
When you feel that your life is in hell, guess what? It is! Every thing around and in you is experiencing the lake of fire. Others, even those who are close to you will say; "How can or will you survive? No one could go through so much and make it out on the other side." Then suddenly, they see another standing with you. It's Jesus. Then they will say; "Now I see, your an OVERCOMER."
One who overcomes, is one whom will inherit ?ALL THINGS? (including a restored marriage) and will be called "Gods son." (Rev.2:17) They will be able to eat from the "tree of life." (Rev. 2:7) The tree of life, is the same tree from the Garden of Eden that had the antidote to the poison ingested when Adam & Eve ate the forbidden fruit, causing a separation of covenant and forfeiting their "image and likeness" of God. One who overcomes will be "clothed in white garments," (fit for a wedding) and will not be "blotted out of the Book of Life," and Jesus Himself will "confess his name before His Father and His angels." (Rev. 3:5) I truly believe, the overcomers are the ones whom Jesus confesses to His Father and angels, "see Father, My Bride!!!"
The Cross has one other element that has not yet been mentioned. There is one other experience, which we must go through. This experience is quite the opposite of death and burial, and will become a whole new way to live. This of course is the Resurrection! "Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if , by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." (Phil.3:8-11) "Attention patrons. The overcomer has just entered the promise land!"
The following is an excerpt from a book I wrote titled "Interrupted Moment:"
"Then, when Mary came where Jesus was and saw Him, she fell down at His feet, saying to Him, "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died." Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. And He said, "Where have you laid Him?" They said to Him, "Lord come and see." Jesus Wept."(John 11:32-35) "..He cried with a loud voice. Lazarus, come forth!" And he who had died came out bound hand and foot with grave-clothes, and his face was wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, "loose him, and let him go." (John 11:43,44)
Lazarus's "Interrupted Moment" was the most awesome teaching event Jesus demonstrated. We can apply it to every "No Way Out" circumstance in our lives.
Lazarus was very happy, living in paradise. Death had no sting and the grave produced no victory. All eternity was at Lazarus beckoning. To persuade him to come back to life was definitely not on any of his Heavenly agenda. Mary and Martha wanted him healed before it was too late, but Jesus waited four days too long.
Lazarus was now dead, buried, and a stone (In our case, divorce.) was covering his grave. But this worse case scenario is a living testimony of an event(s) in our everyday lives.
The death of Lazarus comes in various forms. If you are a businessman, and your company goes bankrupt though circumstances out of your control, this is a death of Lazarus. If you have or are going through marital situations that are out of your control, this is a death of Lazarus. If you have no place to live, no food to eat, no cloths to ware, or no money to buy, this is a death of Lazarus.
If you can relate to what was just said, you probably have thought you would be better off dead, than to live in a state of obscure nothingness. You are a desperate individual who needs a touch from Jesus. You think your prayers go unanswered.
You may have shaken your fist at God, or said something similar to Mary and Martha;
?Jesus if only You would have come sooner, my business could have been saved, but You have come too late!
Jesus if only You would have come sooner, my marriage could have been healed, but You have come too late!"
Jesus if only You would have come sooner, I would not have to suffered and go without, but You have come too late!"
Jesus is never too late! To think that Jesus cannot rectify the situation is absurd. When He speaks those commanding words of power and might; "Lazarus, Come Fourth!," towards your situation, an "Interrupted Moment" occurs. Whether it is four days or four years, you come out of the grave, and those around you will began to assist in the task of setting you free. Lazarus returns from the dead, and becomes alive again! (In our case, this is a restored marriage.)
Out of exhaustion and sorrow, Mary fell at the feet of Jesus in prayer. Even in "No Way Out" situations, Our prayers for ourselves or loved ones, will prick the heart of Jesus, and bring an everlasting chain of events that will turn our emotional weariness into Joy. So keep on praying, for yourself, and others. There is no telling when you could be the very one used by God to deliver an "Interrupted Moment."
I cannot write any more or give you answers on your outcome. Only you and God know what you will do from here. I can pray for you and be of encouragement if you decide to walk this matter out with the Lord. So, this chapter is a new chapter in your life, and only you can write it. Before you start writing, make sure you read this book three (3) times a day for two (2) weeks. It's worth it if you truly want to see your marriage joined by God and become one -flesh, the "perfect marriage."
Ps: It may take more paper then this!
What I learn, after I know it all.
Translating knowing what to do, into doing what I know.
Allowing God to change me.
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"For Men Only" Well, that's a shame, Brother, because I got a lot out of it and I'm about as female as they get. :::smile:::