by Karin Butts
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Lord, you said, ďYouíre mine now, write for me.Ē I was dumb struck, Iíve been yours for half of my life. I knew, however, somewhere deep down what you meant when you said it, meaning; Iím yours in a deeper sense. Having lived through many trials without my mate, Iíve found you always faithfully by my side and in that sense Iíve grown more intimate with you.
You never fail to repeat the words you speak to my heart, over and over, to affirm that it is you who speaks to me. Your words sink in deeply and in time, they bring about change. They comfort or convict, they warn or encourage and often you prepare me for change.
These words trouble me more than others youíve spoken because I only cherish the first part of the sentence where you tell me Iím yours. The ďWrite for me,Ē part seems daunting, more than that, impossible. Each time these words come to mind, I want to stop and relish only the loving assurance, ďYouíre mine now--.Ē But, I canít leave off the last part and it lingers heavily on my mind. Lord, Iíve written three novels that are now safely tucked in a drawer, read by a few friends and rejected by many agents. I was content, knowing I used the talent youíve given me but after so many rejections, I finally decided mediocrity doesnít win a race; I went on to pursue other talents youíve so graciously given me that seem of equal value.
Itís been a few months since you spoke to me and now there will be silence until I obey, but Lord, I long to hear from you, my dearest friend and companion. With faltering heart, not knowing what you would have me write, I make my first attempt tonight.
I begin here where I left off just this morning in my study: ďWhat is TRUTH?Ē Pilate said unto Jesus in John 18:38 and he didnít answer him. In John 14:6, however, Jesus tells Thomas, ďI am the way, the TRUTH and the life: no man comes unto the Father but by me.Ē
Every morning before I get out of bed I put on the whole armor of God. I have recently found for the second time over the past so many years, that I need to dress like a soldier daily to survive the battle that rages for my mind before I eat my breakfast. Within the first ten minutes of waking, my thoughts can circle the earth and find nothing but trouble here and all around the world and I start my day downhearted.
On waking, I try to visualize putting on the helmet of my salvation and the rest of my wardrobe to make my soldierís attire real to me. I cover my thoughts and everything that will enter my mind throughout the day by way of the five senses, and hope to bring every thought into the obedience of Christ.
Ph. 4:8 tells me how to think on whatever is pure, good, true, lovely and of good report. Someone said we think at least twenty-two thousand words in a day that are wrought with all manner of disturbances, annoyances and usually very little to rejoice over. Yet, I am exhorted to turn them to good, looking for the TRUTH in these thoughts.
The breastplate of righteousness covers my emotions that naturally begin with my thoughts. Without a thought, I canít have an emotion, so they are tightly linked. In order to have well balanced emotions, the fruits of the Holy Spirit, which are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, kindness, faith and meekness must be sufficiently active in me through the power of the Holy Spirit. All of the above are attributes of Christ, and he said he is the TRUTH.
The third part of the armor I put on is the girdle of TRUTH, which is the Word of God. Through my daily study and the volumes of notes Iíve accumulated over time, I have the Word in me. The TRUTH sets me free to obey God.
The sword of the Spirit is the indwelling that divides TRUTH form error, that small voice that says, ďGo this way, donít touch that, donít think of it, turn from it!Ē when I am tempted to do wrong. As the Scriptures promise, the Spirit of God leads me into all TRUTH.
The shoes that are shod with the gospel of peace, that I may run the race as Paul did, that I may walk and not faint in well doing and persevering.
Lastly, the shield of faith, which I visualize bloodstained. The great shield that I can hide behind when the fiery darts of the devil come at me. I always ask the Lord to cover me with the blood and make a hedge about me; it is the protection and the covering as is my shield of faith.
I get out of bed fully dressed for the day of battle-every day is a day of battle for the mind, and only when I wear the full armor of God and live in the TRUTH, can I stand, walk, and run the race.
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Very powerful piece. Much to ponder here - and I can totally relate to your feelings about embracing your relationship but wanting to avoid the command. Thank you for sharing!