Thoughts On My Relationship With God
by Curtis Hildebrand email@example.com
As I reflect on my life and the supernatural life that I was meant to live, I see that I have often found myself to be out-of-sync with God. Although I desperately beg Him to show Himself to me, He has frequently seemed distant and unavailable. Delving deeper into the dilemma and peeling back the layers of the true issue at hand, I see a strange phenomenon at the core. My life is lived at a different pace than what God has designed for me.
I see God walking down the road of my life eagerly waiting for me to walk alongside Him so that our mutual friendship can be equally savoured. But my schedule doesn't allow for this agonizingly sluggish speed and so my friendship with God tends to take on an entirely different feel. It looks more like me going out on a bicycle with Him while He is on foot - walking at a more relaxed pace. His pace is too slow for my speedy mode of transportation so I begin to hurry up and unintentionally get ahead of Him. Unfortunately He makes no effort to catch up to me. This is upsetting to me at first but I see no better solution. Seeing Him far back in the distance brings on deep feelings of guilt and loneliness so I turn around and come back again to make another attempt at matching Him step for step. My bicycle teeters as I agonizingly creep next to my Saviour trying to match His painfully slow pace. Wheels were never meant for a turtles' speed. My mind races for solutions to this problem and I believe to have discovered the perfect answer. I decide to race by God on the journey and then turn around and ride back again so as to induce sound-bites of fellowship. I reason that this way we can both satisfactorily travel at our own, varying speeds as well as enjoy small chunks of fellowship as we repeatedly pass by one another. So I begin my master plan. I zoom by God and drive far out into the distance at breakneck speeds. Then I turn around and whiz by Him again. As I do, I study His face to see how impressed He is by my wisdom in solving this discrepancy. I shout out a few requests for deep, personal needs. Time does not allow for more talk and so I turn around and come back. This time I yell out a few thank you's for all the wonderful blessings He has given to me. Turning around once more, I whip by and begin to share with Him the deep yearnings of my heart. This works for a short while. But soon this type of fellowship becomes tedious and I feel painfully empty at the lack of true and meaningful relationship that I've desperately been searching for. It almost appears that just as real intimacy is taking root I've already passed by Him. Every once in awhile I see words beginning to form on His lips as He starts to respond to my prayers. But by the time the sound reaches me I am out of earshot. I speed by again for a second helping but lack focus on what He is saying because I need to concentrate on the road ahead of me to keep from hitting obstacles in my way.
After half an hour or so of this drive-by fellowship, I humbly realize the error of my ways and lay my busy-bike aside. I slow my mind down begin to walk calmly and peacefully beside my Lord in order to truly enjoy fellowship with Him. True intimacy can't be obtained in a multitude of 2 second helpings. Walking serenely hand in hand with my Creator has opened the door for true affinity and heart to heart conversation. I finally had to realize that sampling sizes of intimacy can never fulfill my deepest needs no matter how many times I come back for additional helpings.