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90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper
by Julie Michaelson
11/14/10
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After this
I looked,
and lo,
in Heaven
an
open door!
[Revelation 4:1]
*******************
"Where were YOU,
LORD?"

[SMILE.]
"I AM
Everywhere,
child."

"Well......not in
THIS story!"

[SMILE.]
"I AM
in
every story,
My child."

(Shout to the ceiling.)
"Not in THIS ONE!
WHERE'D YA GO?"

[CHUCKLE.]

"This was a DISAPPOINTMENT,
Lord!"

"What,
My child?"

(Grimace.)
"THIS!
THIS STORY!
It's a real DOWNER!"

[NODDING.]
[BECKON AN ANGEL
INTO THE THRONE
ROOM. THE ANGEL
HAS A BIG, HAIRY
SPIDER
CUPPED IN BOTH
HANDS.]

(Nod to the ceiling.)
"I keep forgetting:
You're not a native-
speaker of ENGLISH."
(Thoughtful pause.)
"A DOWNER is....."

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Yes,
My beloved.
I know."

(Look up.)
"You've been doing
those English-Grammar
-Exercises,
I GAVE YOU?"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"I do not need
such exercises,
My beloved."

"Uh, UH!
Ya DO!
Your native language
is that....Horrific-Hebrew*!"

[LAUGH!]

(Look up, again.)
"So......what HAPPENED?
Where WERE YOU?"

[GAZE DOWN AT
RUMPLED CHILD
STILL WEARING
HER BATHROBE,
AT TWO IN
THE AFTERNOON.]
"Where,
My child."

"In this BOOK!
In HEAVEN!
When that poor,
miserable guy...
went to HEAVEN?"

[GAZING DOWN,
FROM THE THRONE.]
[THE ANGEL++ IS NOW
KNEELING BEFORE
THE THRONE. CUPPING
THE BIG HAIRY SPIDER
VERY CAREFULLY,
HE HOLDS IT OUT
TOWARD THE THRONE.]

"He was there
for NINETY MINUTES!
And....YOU WEREN'T
THERE!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Oy vey 'z mir."

"That's what
I SAID,
LORD!"
(Irritable squirm.)
"This book was
a real BUMMER!"

[GLANCE AGAIN,
TO THE THRONE
ON HIS RIGHT.]
[MORE CHUCKLING
CAN BE HEARD.]

(Glance up at the
ceiling.)
"A BUMMER is......!"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"I know,
sweet child."

"So......where WERE YOU?
Did Ya have
to go down to EARTH,
for a FEW MINUTES?"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"When,
My child?"

(Impatient whine.)
"When...this GUY
HAD TO GO HEAVEN,
FOR NINETY MINUTES!"
(Shout.)
YOU MUST 'A BEEN
OFF ON ANOTHER
PLANET,
OR SOMETHIN'!"

[SIGH.]

(Open book, again.)
(Make a face.)
(Sift through some
pages, dispiritedly.)
(Frown.)
"HOW COME,
HE DIDN'T SEE
ANY ANIMALS,
UP THERE?"

"Where,
My beloved?"

(Cup hands.)
(Shout to the ceiling.)
"IN HEAVEN, LORD!
HEAVEN: Ya KNOW!
That PLACE,
WHERE YOU LIVE?"

[SHAKING HEAD:
SIGHING.]
"Don't be
disrespectful,
Mein kinder'lah."

(Pause.)
(Squint up.)
"How come come....
he didn't see...
no ANIMALS?"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"ANY animals,
My child."

(Point to scruffy
bathrobe.)
"HEY!
I'm the NATIVE SPEAKER, HERE!
I'M USING BAD GRAMMAR,
FOR EMPHASIS!"

[NODDING.]
[THE ANGEL IS
NOW RISING FROM
BEFORE THE THRONE.
HE STANDS WAITING
FOR HIS NEXT
ASSIGNMENT.]

"So....where WERE THEY?
HOW COME HE DIDN'T SEE ONE
OF THE LITTLE DOGS,
THAT HE HAD AS A
LITTLE KID?"
(Thoughtful squint.)
"DIDN'T HIS PARENTS
LET HIM HAVE ANY
PETS.....?"

[GAZING DOWN,
PATIENTLY.]
"Child......"

"THEY DIDN'T LET
HIM HAVE ANY DOGS?
OR CATS?
OR BIRDS?
OR TURTLES?
OR SNAKES?
What about
one 'a those
ANT FARMS?"

"It is a STORY,
My child....."

(Shout.)
"Uh, UH!
IT'S TRUE!
IT'S ALL TRUE!"
(Point to the paperback
book: several feline
bitemarks are evident
on the front cover.)
"JUST LOOK AT ALL
THAT SUFFERING,
HE WENT THROUGH!
HE DIDN'T MAKE THAT
STUFF, UP!"

[QUIET VOICE.]
"Why are
you shouting,
My little one?"

(Shout.)
"CUZ!"
(Shout.)
"I'm IRRITABLE!"

[NOD.]
"Go get
something
to eat,
child."

(Laugh!)
"I GUESS...
I AIN'T IN
HEAVEN,
YET!"

[NOD.]
"You will
know...
when you
are There,
little one."

"HOW?"

[NODDING.]
"You will
most definitely
see...
ME."

(Thoughtful pause.)
"What about NOGALES:
MY PET TARANTULA,
FROM PITTSBURGH?
WHAT ABOUT HIM?"

[CHUCKLING.]
"Everything,
child,
is in
the Palm
of My
Hand."
*********************
He will
wipe away
every tear.....
and
death
shall be
no more,
neither shall
there be
mourning
nor crying
nor pain
any more.
[Revelation 21:4]

________________
*As a very young
child, the author
was forced to go to
Hebrew school
(in Philadelphia***, Pennsylvania).
It was the first trauma,
in the author's life**.
**Unfortunately, there
were many more
to follow.
***Also, the name of one
of the Seven Churches,
in Revelation. It was
the only Church, that
didn't get a bad review
from the Lord Jesus.
(Way to go, PHILLY!)
++There weren't any angels
in the book,
either.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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