I used to hate all men because of one man.
I used to think I do not need a man.
I used to think I am strong enough to be my own.
I used to think of revenging men.
I wanted to make them feel inferior themselves.
I wanted to protect all females.
I wanted to act like a hero for females.
I used to love same sex.
I used to do lots of crazy things.
I used it in order to avoid my real pains.
I used it to destroy my own life.
My real pains - feeling unloved, feeling unworthy of love, feeling ugly, feeling inferior among other females.....
By living a life like this - loving same sex.
I can avoid rejection from men, I can avoid being hurt, I can avoid the feeling of inferiority.
Until God has my heart changed, I started to longing for the man God gave me. I longed to know who he is, I longed to get to know him.
Until God gave me a man last year, I was so thankful for his existence in my life...I could not believe that God loves me this much, and finally I got my prayer answered. And HE gave me the best....a minister, a man who loves God so much, has a servant-spirit in him and he is very submissive to God, a stable, persistent man.
We broke up 6 months ago, and that was a big blow for me and him. So my personal story is unfinished but I do thank God for what HE has been doing in my life, His mercy, His grace and His love for me, I cannot forget the man He gave me, I cannot forget His mercy and grace on my life. I will remember the man He gave me, He sent me, He brought for me. I would love to testify God for His goodness, and as I do that, this man would be mentioned in any of my testimony until the day I died.
This is my promise to myself and to God.
Though the relationship might not be able to be resurrected, God is still very faithful, very faithful to me. In this I declare, God is able to change, able to heal, able to turn homosexuals to be a heterosexuals. Nothing is impossible with God, in here I testify His greatness, His truthfulness.
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