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Relationships God’s Way
by niesha thomas
Not For Sale
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“Relationships God’s Way”
Written by Niesha S. Thomas

This subject that I chose to write about is a controversial issue that is among Christian believers and the different denominations. I understand that many will not agree with me on these issues; however these issues need to be addressed. What amazes me about the men and women unions in the bible are the customs that the people followed concerning marital relationships and the traditional upbringings. I will be referring to scriptures coming from the book of Genesis, Ruth and even some New Testament scriptures coming from some of Paul’s writings to the Corinthian church. Much of this text will be discussed from my point of view, but not compromising the Word of God. My purpose is to inform the reader of the bible traditions concerning relationships and break the ice on these subjects that are not talked about openly in many churches. This writing is not an effort to contradict the biblical doctrines or prove any of its believers wrong. It is merely for information based on my interpretations and what the Father has breadth in my spirit. Mainly, it is to glorify God in every way possible and to enhance the reader’s thoughts.

When it comes to real-life situations, I am a strong believer in that ole saying, “It’s not what you do, but it’s how you do it”. This concept applies useful to many of life decisions that are made on a daily basis. When considering dating, how does a follower of Christ go by this concept? Many believe that Christians should not date. If you read scripture, you would probably not find any stories on dating in the bible. At least I have not read about dating in the bible. Dating is a subject that is usually not heard of on Sunday mornings from the pulpit. However, it is a real life issue that needs to be discussed. Dating does not even consume the tip of the iceberg when discussing the issues the church doesn’t talk about. Many life issues are left to be learned from outside sources rather than learning them with the prevalence of what the Word of God says. There are many specific questions asked that the bible does not “clearly” answer. When I make this statement, it is from the understanding that there is not a direct answer interpreted to satisfy the question being asked. Many things in the bible are explained clearly and precisely whereas there is no doubt. For example, when God gave Moses the Ten Commandments, there was nothing not to understand about these laws. It was set in stone (literally) and they came from the mouth of God through His servant Moses. No if, ands, buts about it. This is how it is. On the flip side, there are things that need to be discussed and explained for the sake of those who really want to follow the Will of God. So let’s explore some of the issues that I was confronted with, which was not easy to pin point out of the bible.
Why would it be important to talk about dating, concerning living the life God ordained you to live? An answer to this question could be that whether it is discussed in or out of the church; it will happen. Another point would be is that it is an important part of the young adult and youth life. The position that I take with this subject is that it is very necessary to discuss dating in the spiritual realm. I understand that many religious folk would disagree with me. We must first look at what dating really is. From my point of view, dating is the beginning of the process of marriage. I believe that you should not date if you are not thinking of getting married. In the bible, many marriage relationships were arranged, therefore dating is assumed to not have taken place in the Old Testament and New Testament. Concerning the book of Genesis, God put this relationship together of Adam and Eve. Genesis 2:18 says, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him”. He arranged the marriage of Adam and Eve. Adam had no other choice or the option to date.
Dating is something that should be shared by mature individuals that has the knowledge of God. This is the knowledge that will keep them in line according to God’s will, and the wisdom that assist them in correct decision making. This is the part of the process of getting to know one another and sharing interest. In many ways, dating is comparable to getting to know Christ for the first time. The end result is a biblical based marriage. The biblical based marriage is an oneness between two individuals, woman and man, that pictures the oneness of Christ with His church.
Should Women Advance Men
Many men and women have asked me is it alright for a women to pursue a man. I would have to go back to that ole saying, “It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it”. If her intentions are of the flesh and she is following the way of the world, she would be out of order to try to obtain a relationship with a guy based on these factors. But parallel to this situation, a man would be out of order as well to initiate a relationship with a woman that is in opposition with God’s law. This is another debate issue that is not addressed in the church with clarity. Considering the words of Solomon, many would argue that women should not pursue a man. In Proverbs 18:22, he says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord”. This is a very valid statement in the scriptures, but it does not speak only to the issue of women advancing a guy. It also speaks in general. It is indeed a good thing for a man to find a wife. For when he finds a wife, he is in a settled position to hear from God, and God will indeed show favor on any person who considers Him.
Think about the story of Ruth and Boaz. We know the story of Ruth. This is a love story with a redemptive outcome. She meets her help mate, her lifelong companion, her soon to be husband, according to the third chapter of the book of Ruth. If this chapter is carefully studied, you would notice that Ruth made some decisions that would put her in the aggressor’s seat when it came to meeting Boaz. Ruth 3:6-8, talks about how Ruth the Moabite went to Boaz and laid near him so that she may find favor in his sight. Even before you get to this part of the story, she takes time, after consulting with her mother-in-law, to shower, put on her finest garments and anoint herself with captivating aromatic oils. I am paraphrasing but 3:3 confirms this. She wanted her presence to enrapture this man: mind, body and soul. Well, after Boaz noticed that she was there, Ruth popped the question. The NKJV bible says in verse 9, “And he said, “Who are you?” And she answered, I am Ruth your handmaid: spread therefore your skirt over your handmaid; for you are a near kinsman.” My interpretation of this scenario is that Ruth was the first to show interest. And God blessed them and brought forth a wonder from their relationship that would save the world. Ruth’s intention was not to conquer Boaz just for that moment, but to put herself in the position of his permanent security. Our intentions must not be for the moment but for eternal glorification of the Father and they must be according to His will for our lives. I believe that in cases like this, God will put it on your heart how and when, and even if we are to approach a man that you may see as a potential mate. It is important to consult with God about everything, including issues with relationships. Even though God has never dated, He knows the best way to go by it. God never had a girlfriend but He understands the needs of His children when it comes to companionship. We have to be willing to consult God in all areas of our life, even those parts that are not discussed openly in the sanctuary of the believers.
A person has to be spiritually mature to even consider dating or stepping out and exposing their interest in a person. If she steps out there without the direction of the Holy Spirit, she could set herself up for public humiliation or even worse. People make irresponsible decisions everyday that would conclude that it is too risky for Christians to date. Women are at risk of being judged by others for their forwardness. In all things, lining your thoughts, your efforts, and your prayers with what’s in line with the Word of God, you can’t go wrong; for He will direct your path.

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