Ray Lincoln is the founder of Ray W. Lincoln & Associates, providing life coaching, parenting seminars, personal growth seminars, marriage seminars and more. His expertise in Temperament Psychology has led to such success with solving parenting dilemmas that he has finally answered the recurring calls of his clients by publishing “I’m a Keeper.” His website, RayWLincoln.com, and blog, http://blog.raywlincoln.com offer further help and guidance
This may surprise you, but we have ourselves to blame for our weaknesses! Sorry, we can’t blame our temperament or anyone or anything outside of ourselves. We are responsible! By the way, don’t say “blame.” Blame, to me, is a dangerous word. We should not “blame” ourselves for anything since blame is condemnation. To condemn ourselves results in negative judgments against ourselves and can be very damaging.
We should, rather, hold ourselves responsible for our actions. We don’t want to blame our children because it lowers their self-esteem. And one of the temperaments (the NF), in particular, is strongly affected by continual inner judgments against themselves. We cannot afford to encourage these inner judgments. We should not let ourselves off the hook when we are responsible, either. Blame is condemnation, but accepting responsibility points us positively in the direction of change. Being accountable, without the negative impact of blame, is our goal. We simply are responsible for all of our actions and reactions, and that means for all of our weaknesses, because I hope to convince you that you really are responsible for your weaknesses – as I am for mine.
Weaknesses are the negatives in our lives. We have already said that we can never be given negatives. Positives, yes! Negatives are the malfunctioning of a healthy system. They result in and are caused by mistakes, failures, wrongs, and hurts. Weaknesses come from the wrong use or nonuse of strengths. Here’s how…
My observations have taught me that all weaknesses are a negative reflection of our strengths and we create them in one of three ways:
1. When we don’t use our strengths, we create weaknesses in our lives. This should be obvious.
2. When we overuse our strengths we create weaknesses. The overuse of any strength creates a weakness. Overuse creates a negative (not a positive) force.
3. When we use our strengths for wrong purposes (that is, to hurt ourselves or others – any others) we develop weaknesses, and we soon feel the pain of guilt flagging us that something is wrong.
There’s good news in this. I hope you see it. The good news is that, because we are responsible for our weakness, we can overcome them. The solution is really simple. It starts with understanding focus. We’ll deal with that in a subsequent lesson.
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This article is adapted from an excerpt from the book, I’m A Keeper, by Ray W. Lincoln. Ray is offering a great package of supporting gifts FOR A LIMITED TIME to those who purchase I’m a Keeper. Go NOW to athttp://web.me.com/raynmaryjolincoln/RayWLincoln/Imakeeperbook.html to access this helpful book and the incredible offer.