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by Fred Cuthbertson
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I have noticed a growing trend among our churches that have become quite disturbing and that’s seeing our young Christian women dating and intimately involved with unsaved men.

Approaching this subject from a Biblical standpoint it is clear that God commanded His people Israel not to intermingle with the Gentiles nations. His concern was their association with idolatrous nations would turn their hearts away from Him and become corrupted like the heathen.

In the 9th and 10 th chapters of Ezra the prophet laments Israel’s deplorable state of sin due to the people intermarriages with the Babylonians.

Ezra pleas with the people through God’s message was to separate themselves from the strange wives and husbands that they have taken which caused them to abandon the precepts of God’s law.

In 1st Kings 11th chapter speaks of King Solomon marrying many strange women who were steeped into idolatry and turned his heart from God causing Israel to sin and eventually split the nation. In the New Testament the Apostle Paul’s message to the churches was emphatic against the union of believers and non-believers.

2nd Corinthians 6:14, 17 reads, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you”.

The age group in which this seems prominent are among young females in their late teens to early adult years. One cause could be the shortage of men in the church.

This is found across all denominational lines which may limit their choice of finding available men for dating that leads to marriage. Even if this is so, for sisters to resort to worldly men with the baggage they present is a great risk.

There are some women who show little interest in the men who are saved in the church. It’s as though such brothers who possess good and godly qualities, and are faithful and active in ministry are looked on as boring, bland or soft to these sisters.

But go after an unsaved man who is selfish, aloof with a thuggish edge is considered sexy and appealing. To me this is more a reflection of where these sisters are spiritually in the church as to why they prefer to date worldly men.

Young girls of high school and college years are going through a period of self-discovery and are still immature and inexperienced in knowing how to handle the flow of emotions when dealing with the opposite sex.

They’re still trying to find their identity in life and tend to act impulsively in relationships with males. Too often they mistake receiving attention from boys as being love when it’s really their hormones in overdrive. Lust and infatuation make them go to great lengths to be involved with boys and leads to hurt and disillusionment.

Girls who comes from unhappy or broken homes without the presence of a father are very vulnerable to being seduced by unsavory men who take advantage of them. These girls are looking for love in all the wrong places seeking for love from a male figure since they were deprived of not having a father in the home.

By not having a guide to rely on such as a good father these girls don’t know what to look for when dating such men. They fall into the mistake of trying to find love through sex which don’t work but only destroys their self esteem as females.
Some girls even if they break up with men who have cheated or mistreat them will desperately take them back being ignorant that by doing so they have given such men power over them to continually abuse and use them.

These young girls fail to see that unsaved men are not interested in how smart they are or what goals and aspirations they possess in their hearts such as going to college and getting a degree.

These guys only want to make the girls their “booty call” so they seduce them with sweet nothings to make the girls feel special and succumb to their charms. With worldly men their relationship with females is purely physical and non-committal which is why they can go from woman to woman with no sense of remorse or guilt. It’s like the Tina Turner song of ‘”What’s love got to do with it?”

Sisters, you need to see these predators for what they are and drop them like the bad habit you allowed them to be in your lives. What sense does it makes to keep men who are distractions and put you through an emotional rollercoaster of drama and heartaches?

How can a relationship such as that help when you can’t function right to be able to accomplish the things you need to do for yourself. Its best to let them go and free yourself to grow and mature a number of years so that when you do decide to be in a real relationship you can make clear, precise and rational decisions to have the right man in your life.

What disturbs me about what I call these doggish men is their hypocritical ways with women. They don’t mind having sex with as many women as they can to prove their manly prowess but when they’re ready to settle down and get married to start a family they don’t marry the women of their playboy past but a proper woman who is not in that lifestyle.

Then they have the audacity to call these women of the past “used goods”. Christian women who decides to date unsaved men with the hope of bringing them to church to be saved need to consider what to look for in finding out if they are sincere or not. Here are some examples to check out.

1. Does he have his Bible open during the preaching or teaching of the Word?

2. Does he sits there with his arms crossed with the look that says, is the service over yet?

3. Does he participate in the worship service?

4. When the altar call is made does he responds and go up for prayer?

5. Does he attend church even when you are not there?

6. Does he discuss spiritual matters with you away from church?

If you said no to most or all of the questions it should be apparent to you that the brother is not interested in becoming saved but is only interested in wanting you and its best to end that relationship. He’s not called a “player” for nothing since he plays on the feelings of sisters to conned and seduce like Satan deceived Eve in the Garden of Eden with his enticing words.

Another thing to consider is worldly men are accustomed to a lifestyle when it comes to dating. After taking you out to dinner, giving you gifts or taking you to social functions such as church (since you are a Christian) they expect for you to follow through to the next step which is having sex.

Let’s be real, are you so naïve to think he’s being nice to you and not expect to have his physical needs be accommodated? Unless you specified limits on how far the relationship should go from the beginning you place yourself in a precarious situation for some men don’t take kindly to being refused and can get violent.

That’s the risk one takes in going into such a relationship and don’t fool yourself we are still in the flesh and if unchecked can be aroused to fall into sexual sins. These men know they can have the floozies and hoochies of the world anytime but to make a church girl give in to their wiles is a feather in their cap, a prime trophy conquest to boast to their friends about.

Sister, do you want to live in the shame of being ridiculed and talked about for “messing up”? Its not worth losing your virtue over such a mistake.

The worldly media today has so inundated us with sex through mass communication and presented it as the pleasurable thing to do with no consequences. AIDS, STD and the HIV Virus is running rampant in our community and have affected those in the church as well.

One problem with our young people is the lack of sex education, not in the schools but in our homes and churches. Parents have become self indulgent with their own issues and don’t take the time to teach their children how to take care of their bodies and carry themselves properly in relationships particularly with the opposite sex.

Even in the church little is stressed about sex and how to handle it the way God intended. His word hasn’t changed and it should be proclaim especially to young people that having sex before marriage is sinful and wrong.

Paul states in 1st Thessalonians 4:3-4, “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abtain from fornication (sexual immorality). “That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour”.

1st Corinthians 6:18 reads, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body”.

Sisters and brothers in the church need to understand that God wants them to preserve themselves until marriage. They should recognize their uniqueness as saints of God in being particular in whom they give their affections to and not to settle for just anyone but those who are saved like them and compatible in serving and living for God.

Our sisters should take a note from Ruth who carried herself nobly and worked diligently in the field to attract the attention of Boaz who would take her as his wife. Don’t get me wrong, are there good worldly men out there who can be good mates for marriage? Yes, most definitely but with worldly women. We don’t have to compromise our Christian principles to be blessed with a mate if we follow God’s direction and do the things that are pleasing in His sight.

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