It’s always been said that breaking up is the hardest thing to do, and many may agree. My feeling is that it is indeed hard, but not the hardest thing to do. The hardest in most people’s opinion would be to break free.
You’ve spent months, perhaps years, developing this love that you have for/with this person. You two know every little thing about one another – what makes you smile, what makes you cry, your favorite everything, the things you detest. And now with or without warning, it’s over. What are you going to do now? What are you going to do with all these emotions that you have flowing everywhere. What about the heartache, the tears that can’t seem to stop flowing? How do you pick up the pieces and start rebuilding yourself after this terrible thing has happened?
Breaking up is only the first part of what seems like this ostensibly, arduous road you are now about to embark upon. Now you have to figure out the above – rebuilding yourself so that you may feel whole again and be able to move past this devastating heartache.
Here are a few tips towards that process.
1. Allow yourself time. When you have finally processed the fact that the relationship is now over, make yourself aware that this is not an overnight process and that the healing of a broken heart is going to take some time. How much time varies from person to person, but the quicker you accept the facts surrounding the situation, the quicker the healing process. Also, make it up in your mind that you will not spend your time being destructive towards yourself or anyone else, which brings me to my next point.
2. Forgiveness. Forgiveness is such a huge part of release. Now that it’s over, you probably have had time to think about all the things that your ex could have or should have done differently, slowly but surely making yourself angry – anger turned to hate, hate turned to malice. You may feel strongly that you may want some kind of retribution or if nothing else, perhaps an apology. Come to terms with the fact that you may never get either. This is a road not to be taken. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a choice. Make up in your mind that you will forgive this person for all that you feel he/she has done against you. If you are a prayerful person, then pray for this person as well. With the choice you’ve made, the feeling will eventually come.
When you have come to terms with forgiving your ex, then forgive yourself. I’m sure you have found the time to be angry with yourself for all the things that you could have or should have done differently. Perhaps there were little “tell-tell” signs that you now feel you should have noticed – now angry with yourself for not realizing these things beforehand or pulling away before your heart got broken. Make the choice to forgive yourself. Tell yourself constantly that you are forgiven for being unaware or more conscious of what was going on. The feeling will come.
To hold unforgiveness in your heart is not only giving one power over you (especially if they’ve moved on with their life and seemingly not dwelling on what you two shared), but it holds you back from moving into the newness of life laid out before you. So forgive and be released.
3. Stop reliving the pain. I heard Pastor Creflo Dollar speak about this, and it was such a small analogy, but a very powerful one. He used the one about the boy and his wound that had a band-aid covering it. The little boy kept telling the story of how he got his wound, and each time he would tell the story, he would uncover the wound. And by constantly removing that band-aid, the longer it took for the wound to heal. So in essence, STOP TALKING ABOUT IT! Stop telling everyone that will listen of this traumatic breakup that almost ruined your life. If you do, you will find that you may heal just a little bit quicker.
4. If you are indeed a prayerful person, let go and let God. Just give it to God and let Him heal you. Stay in prayer for your healing and your release. Pray for the person that hurt you and wait expectantly for your release. I am a prayerful person, and I believe prayer to be a powerful weapon against all adversities. This probably should have been #1, but we’ll end it with this. Give it to God and watch how he moves in your life.