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Brain Glob
by Glenn A. Hascall
03/31/04
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Brain Glob
Glenn A. Hascall


Do you suffer from “Brain Glob”? This is often a stumbling block to meaningful conversation. “Brain Glob” often has become the means and method of modern communication. You see “Brain Glob” is the accumulation of generally useless bits of information that help us keep our conversations with others on a very surface level. On the other hand it may also help you win pop culture board games or advance on several television game shows based on answers to trivia questions. You know, the kind of game shows that feature people you’ve never met from places you suspect are missing from your almanac.

It’s “Brain Glob” that will allow you to remember the year that rubber bands were invented or when the rivet was patented or who had the number one song for any given year. You might even recall the name of the first woman to bowl a perfect game in tournament play or what the weather was like on this date in 1972.

“Brain Glob” is reaching epidemic proportions. Board games are now going hi-tech and giving video clues via DVD or VCD. We amass statistics about our favorite sports team or player, our favorite singer or actor. The information does not generally impress anyone other than ourselves or other “Globbers“.

We pick up the newspaper or flip through the channels and land on a show that delineates all the little details of people we have never personally met and whom probably care nothing for our dangerous “Brain Glob” condition. Yet they unselfishly share meaningless bits of personal trivia that we add to our mental hair ball - and we keep swallowing.

Recently I felt inclined to apply some more “Glob” to my brain and I learned that The Smell & Taste Treatment Research Foundation in Chicago has made a causative link between our personalities and the snack foods we consume.

No longer can we look at our pantry and grab whatever snack strikes our fancy - now we have to pick that one definitive snack food that best fits our personality. For instance if you like to view yourself as a successful high achiever then you should probably be consuming potato chips because the “Foundation” believes there is a link between the two. If you are contemplative and thoughtful then your snack of choice should probably be crackers. The extroverted socialite should consider a meat snack (apparently veggies and dip are a no-no). Pretzels are for the energetic types (funny I don’t remember seeing those at the local health club). Perfectionists and humanitarians are prone to eat tortilla chips (no word on what it might mean if they should happen to consume salsa with the chips - perhaps it brings about an incredible appetite for Looney Toon sports wear while awarding money to the order of Obsessive Compulsive Chihuahua’s). For the formal and conscientious person there are cheese curls. This last one is the hardest for me to accept as true, I have a hard time believing that people wearing suit coats and dresses are scarfing down cheese curls on a regular basis. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed it or not, but cheese curls leave orange residue on almost everything including fingers and clothes.

Why didn’t they tell us what it means if you have a craving for peanuts, fried corn meal mush, brownies ala mode, the ever popular fried Spam and eggs or Twinkies? I have some guesses though and they include those who have a strong affinity for baseball, NASCAR, The Dessert Channel, the military and high octane preservatives (no I didn’t do any research).

There will be some who will commit the above information to their “Brain Glob” and evaluate the snack food habits of their friends and peers, subsequently placing them in categories while thinking of them in new ways. Shoot, I wouldn’t be surprised if law enforcement uses this information in an effort to profile suspects in dangerous criminal cases like jaywalking, “They had to be a cracker eater - they were so lost in thoughtfulness and contemplation they didn’t even realize they were walking in front of a moped. Get in there and offer them a Ritz, see if they crack!”

Isn’t it strange that there is so much good stuff in the Bible and we spend more time adding to the “Glob” than we do finding out what God wants us to do with the life He’s given us? His Word has all the answers and yet we let it sit - unused.

“Brain Glob” provides interesting bits of trivia but is not life changing, nor will “Brain Glob” help you in answering life’s biggest questions.

“They stumble because they do not listen to (or read) God’s word or obey it…” (1 Peter 2:8 - Emphasis mine).

Spend some quality time in God’s Word and watch the “Brain Glob” shrink as its importance diminishes in light of a God who made the stars in the heavens, the grass under your feet, the flowers in your garden, your children, salvation - eternal life.

You might even be tempted to ask, “What was so important about snack foods again?”

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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