Thirty two and devastated. My life was the complete opposite to everything I had dreamed it would be. The image I had of myself during this time, was probably the lowest it had ever been. I couldnít imagine how I would ever recover from this. So, I did what I always do when Iím lost, and donít know where to go, I started searching for answers in books. Iíve always loved books from the moment I learned how to read. In my innocence, I sought stories of adventure. In my youth, I lost myself in romance novels. As a young adult, it was all about raising children. At 32, I wanted answers to the meaning of life. I read a few self help books which all really came down to the same ole mumbo jumbo; blame it on your past, itís all about you, discover what you want and go for it. As the self-help books piled up in the corner, I turned to fiction. The first book, to what later came to be known as; ďThe Left BehindĒ series had just come out. Any reader who was a reader was reading it and so I read it. That one book changed my life forever. It put everything into perspective for me.
As I read that book, it helped me to see that the ending to everyoneís life is the same. We will all die, our physical bodies will perish, but the good news is that our soul will live on forever. The bad news though, is that it doesnít end happily ever after like so many of us pretend it will. Weíre not all going to heaven just because we think weíre good enough to enter. The only way in, is through Jesus Christ. Which has been a very difficult concept for me to grasp. All my life Iíve believed in God, I knew He existed and I never doubted His existence. I knew He created heaven, earth, me and you. All I really understood about spiritual stuff though, was that my soul would last forever, and since I believed in God, I would be in heaven with Him. But then, I learned the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The truth was (and still is) that ďunless you have Jesus Christ in your heart, you will NOT be going to heaven.Ē Immediately, I saw that I had to confess my sins and believe that God sent Christ in human form. The purpose of Jesus Christís life was to serve as a sacrifice for me (and you). I had no more questions at that point, this was a no brainer for me. I believed I was a sinner and I confessed those sins and Jesus entered into my heart. We often say; ďI would die for youĒ, when weíre referencing someone we love, like a spouse or a child and I believe a lot of us probably would, if it came down to just one of us surviving. But would we be willing to die like Jesus did, for our child or spouse?
I know that nobody from my past is to blame for where I am today, Iím to blame. I am where I am, because of the choices Iíve made in my lifetime. Life is not all about me, itís about the people in it. Itís not about what I want, itís about discovering the person I was designed (by God), to be. Iíve come full circle and Iím back to seeking adventure again, but this time Iím not reading it; Iím living it. You know how some people say that people never change? Their wrong; people do change.