It was alright at first.
I had a lover. It was a polygamous thing. He had a brood of women…a lot of us.
Somehow I felt he loved me most [we always need to, don’t we?]
There was nothing I needed he did not give me…well, most of the time.
Each passing day, I grew more beautiful, more content. I had children… Not many like some of his women who were breeders but I was becoming more beautiful and curvaceous and knew it would take no time before he came to me and would not let go.
Then one day I asked him for a dress I saw in the boutique, I was in love with it…I imagined the golden white dress on me, a perfect complement to my golden hair and white body…a picture out of the most beautiful fairy tale.
I badgered him for it. You see, I was totally dependent on him.
One day, he gave me money. He told me I could have it…or so I thought.
So I went back to the boutique and asked for my dress but another had taken it.
“Do you have anything exactly like it again?” I asked.
“No. We are out of stock…but another would be arriving in a few years time.”
“What?” I needed my white dress now…like right now!
I went back to my lover. My tall, handsome, drop-dead-gorgeous lover.
“They’ve sold the dress. You waited for so long to give me an answer.”
“You said I could have the dress!”
“Did I? I said you should wait..”
“It sounded like a yes…how could a yes sound like wait…”
“You were getting more than fond of that white dress, I was getting jealous...it’s just a dress, Eve!”
“But it was going to make me beautiful…for you!”
“You already are beautiful, Eve.”
“If you loved me, you could just have given me that dress.”
“I love you. Of course, you know I do. I just did not want that dress for your lover.”
“Don’t be silly! I have but only you.”
“Didn’t want to take chances, my love.”
Something died in me that day. I’d already imagined and planned in my head what difference the white dress would make in me when I wore it…no one would believe it was me again.
To worsen matters, I later saw one of my lover’s women wearing same white dress. How could he? Was I no longer his favorite?
I kept these things in me. I cried but no one heard.
Then one day I met a tall, handsome, drop dead gorgeous guy at Aching Hearts Casino.
I was mourning my lost dress…the one another was loved enough to find. I was sitting alone, fascinated by the dealers and the players, I had no interest.
He came to me.
“I could show you a red dress you would love so well.”
I shook my head. “It’s my white dress or nothing at all.”
“You have red hints to your golden hair and it would bring out your complexion. Everyone stands out in red. It is adorned with rubies. You just have to try it on…it’s free!”
My head did the math. I could make my lover jealous if I let this man get it for me. There was no harm in trying, was there?
So I followed. The only snag to it was that this new DDG guy had an interest for the tables. He seemed to forget I was there. He played and suddenly gave me a kiss. Oh what thirst it satisfied…just a little more…
“I haven’t forgotten you beautiful…” he would whisper for my ears alone with a mischievous wink at intervals.
It was as if it was magic but suddenly all sense of time and responsibility was forgotten. I had to go back to my lover…I had to...a few more minutes…
Later, Mr.DDG heaved himself from the tables,
“You should try this sweetheart…you stand to win many dresses…I’ll wager even your white one.”
‘Really?” my eyes sparked with interest for a moment before the light extinguished,
“she already has it.”
In my world, dresses are bound to their wearers. I cannot interfere.
“Let’s get the red one,” I told him, “or else you have a better white one?”
‘Let’s go sweetheart,” he told me and I followed.
However, he still stopped at tables while distracting me with kisses which felt good for the moment and then I was back to mourning my white dress.
We went up to his hotel room and he made me do crazy shameful things.
By morning, I’d realized that he had no red dress after all.
Fact was to me I spent one night with him but I woke up to find out that many years had passed me by and I was in a new hotel- High Stake Gamers.
My lover must have been looking for me. Did he know I still lived?
Oh but what shameful things I did…I don’t even want to come back. He would never even ask for my bed.
So I stayed, imitating Mr.DDG’s games shark tactics at the table, dancing like a butterfly…floating this way and that..with no purpose…no plan..
It is not my fault the men give me their hearts to possess…It is not my fault that my heart cannot honestly contain the love of another.
They judge me, they condemn me but they do not know of my lost white dress, my ache for my lover…my wait for him to return and warm my bed...white dress or not…