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Never Send Your Writing to Your Relatives
by Julie Michaelson
06/20/10
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A friend
loves
at all
times;
And,
a brother
is born
for
adversity.
[Proverbs 17:17]
***********************
"My sister got MAD
at me again,
Lord."

[CALM NOD.]
[PATIENT NOD.]

"Yeah;
I sent her that
piece I wote about
my Dad....
and, she said
I was just wasting
my INTELLIGENCE."

[NOD.]
[GAZE AT FRUMPY
CHILD EATING A BOWL
OF VEGETABLE STEW.]

(Slurping from
a big spoon.)
"I wanted her to
say, 'Oh! That was
sweet, Julie!'"
(Spill some stew
onto the keyboard.)
"...Ya know:
somethin' like that."

[PATIENT NOD.]

"How COME,
the people CLOSEST
to me have always told
me... I was just a big WASTE?"

[SILENCE.]

"Like my EX:
HE told me I was
wastin' HIS time,
TOO!"
(Laugh!)
"...And, THREW
me in the GARBAGE!*"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

(Mumble.)
(Chewing.)
(Mouth full.)
"Can't I have a HOBBY?
If she showed me one
a' her WATER colors....
I wouldn't SCOFF!"

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
[SMILE.]
"I AM
a Hobby,
child?"

(Look up at the ceiling.)
(Shrug.)
"Yeah....I GUESS."

[GENTLE CHUCKLING
FROM THE RIGHT SIDE
OF THE THRONE.]

(Thoughtful squinting.)
(Nodding.)
"I've had OTHER
hobbies.......
You're the least EXPENSIVE;
at least, I don't
have to buy all those
little pots a' PAINT."

[GENTLE BURST OF
LAUGHTER FROM THE
RIGHT SIDE.]
[PATIENT FROWN
FROM
THE LEFT.]

(Whiny voice.)
"But, with YOU....
I get the most CRITICISM!
Friends have TOLD me....
I don't PRAY RIGHT....!
I'm not REVERENT ENOUGH...!
I can't WITNESS!
I don't understand
the HOLY SPIRIT!
I'm a DISAPPOINTMENT!"

[PATIENT SQUINT.]
"Why are you
a disappointment,
My kin'der."

"Oh.
Because.....I'm JEWISH,
and I don't like the
OLD TESTAMENT...
and.....
I FLUNKED outta
HEBREW school,
so I can't speak
any HEBREW!"

[TURN TO HIS RIGHT.]
[GENTLE CHUCKLING
CAN BE HEARD.]

"So......I'm kind'a...
a WASTE THERE,
TOO!"

[PATIENTLY LISTENING.]
[WATCH A STORM GOING
ON, ON THE SURFACE
OF THE SUN.]

(Pause.)
"You KNOW why
I don't like the Old TESTAMENT,
Lord:
all those ANIMAL
STORIES! ECH!"

[NOD.]
"Yes,
child.
I know."

(Grimace.)
"All that ANIMAL CRUELTY!
HORRIBLE!
ECH!"

[PATIENT GAZE.]

"And....I don't
like the NEW Testament
all that much, either:
too much TALK
about the
JEWS!"
(Make a face at
the ceiling.)
"Makes us all...
LOOK BAD!"

[SIGH.]
[SHAKING HEAD.]
[ANOTHER SIGH.]
"Why, then,
child:
AM I
your
Newest
Hobby?"

(Squint.)
(Pause.)
"You're
Fun......
to
KVETCH TO?"

[BURST OF LAUGHTER.]
"Then,
I
AM
not
a
Waste
of
Time."
*************************
Better
is a
little
with the
fear
of the
Lord,
Than
great treasure
with
trouble.
[Proverbs 15:16]


_____________________________
*Only a matter of speaking:
the Ex was really (really) skinny,
and the Author is rather zoftic**;
he couldn't have thrown her anywhere...
so he threw her words, instead.
**Yiddish: pretty plump, overweight,
carrying extra pounds, heavy, womanly stout,
pleasantly fat, tubby, pudgy,
chubby, etc.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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