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Pirates of the Mediterranean NxGen Nancy
by Tim Pickl 
04/24/10
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Pirates of the Mediterranean: NxGen Nancy



Characters:
NANCY -- 21st century Oceanographic Systems Programmer, Christian
NXGEN – Computer Voice (recording of Nancy’s Voice)
CAPTAIN BLACKHEART -- 17th century Pirate ship Captain
JONAH -- The preacher God called to go to Ninevah in 760 BC


Summary:
After traveling backward in time to the 17th Century, Nancy meets Captain Blackheart on the mighty pirate ship The Black Raven. While showing the Captain the “NxGen” time displacement device, they are transported to 760BC, where they meet Jonah, the Preacher.

(Nancy stands center stage, pointing at her laptop, perched on a metal table. Nancy has a cell phone to her ear)

NANCY
I’m telling you, I know this will work. I’ve been studying Peter “Pitbull” Vandermeer’s Time Displacement Application for years.
(pauses) Okay, so you’re NOT coming over to help me test it?
(short pause) Fine, I will do it myself.
(clicks the phone Off) Arrgh! Why do I even bother?
(shakes her head in disgust and sets the phone down on the table) Men these days.
Let’s give it a try. (speaks to the laptop) NxGen?

NXGEN
Please speak your ID.

NANCY
1111760

NXGEN
Thank you. What is your PIN Number?

NANCY
5151

NXGEN
Thank you. Main Menu. Automatic or manual?

NANCY
Manual.

NXGEN
Proceed.

NANCY
(reaches down, and grabs a suitcase handle with one hand and rolls it next to her)
Year equals 1628.

NXGEN
Got that.

NANCY
Month equals November. Day equals 11.

NXGEN
Got that.

NANCY
Launch.

NXGEN
Are you sure?

NANCY
Yes.

NXGEN
Are you really sure?

NANCY
Yes. (grabs the laptop with her free hand) Proceed.

(lights out as we hear tornado-type sounds....then it stops... lights back on.)

NANCY
(almost falls over) Whoa! I think it worked!

BLACKHEART
(walks up behind her) Blow me down! What have we here? Who are ye and what are ye doin’ on me ship? (draws out a sword)

NANCY
Captain Blackheart! I’ve wanted to meet you for many years.
(reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a pen) Can I have your autograph?

BLACKHEART
(swings the sword at the pen, but the sword breaks) Arrrrgh! What kind of weapon is that?

NANCY
It’s titanium. (looks at the pen, then adds--more to herself) The pen IS mightier than the sword.

CAPTAIN
What say ye?

NANCY
It was nothing. (sets the pen down and points at the laptop) I’ve been working on a time displacement application and tested it today on your ship—well I was on The Black Raven back in my time—I’m from the future—

BLACKHEART
A time machine, ey? (rubs his black beard, thoughtfully) Shew me how she works.

NANCY
Okay. NxGen?

NXGEN
Please speak year ID.

NANCY
1111760

NXGEN
Didn’t get that. November 11. Manual?

NANCY
Strange. Manual.

NXGEN
Immanuel. Title of Jesus. Meaning: God with us.

NANCY
Nevermind! Override. There’s something wrong. I will have to take control. I will click on the site map. Captain? (points at the display)

BLACKHEART
Never have I seen a map such as this. I want to go thar. (touches the screen)

(lights out as we hear tornado-type sounds....then it stops... lights back on.)

JONAH
(in front of the stage) Hello there! I’m seeking passage to Tarshish. I will pay you handsomely.

BLACKHEART
I like the sound of that, matey. Come aboard!

JONAH
(goes on stage) Thank you sir. I just need to rest for a wee bit. (exits stage right)

NANCY
Do you know who Jonah is?

BLACKHEART
I only heared parts of it from Bible stories. We need to set sail for Tarshish. Ahoy!

NANCY
NxGen?

NXGEN
NxGen is my friend. Would you like to play a game?

NANCY
There is something seriously wrong with you.

(we hear wind, waves and tornado-type sounds)

BLACKHEART
Storm’s a-brewin, hard! I’ve never seen such a tempest! Lighten the ship – Lighten the ship!

NANCY
Captain!

BLACKHEART
What, lass? What do ye want?

NANCY
It’s Jonah! Get Jonah up here, now!

(Captain exits and returns with Jonah)

BLACKHEART
Tell us, we pray thee, for whose cause this evil is upon us; and of what people are ye?

JONAH
I am Hebrew; and I fear the LORD, the God of heaven.

BLACKHEART
What shall we do unto thee, that the sea may be calm unto us?

JONAH
Take me up, and cast me forth into the sea.

(Blackheart grabs Jonah’s arm, and they both exit stage left; Blackheart returns)

BLACKHEART
(points) Thar she blows! It’s a whale!

NANCY
Arrrgh! I need a nap.



+++

Reference: Jonah, Chapter 1 (King James Version)

Check out the original story!
Pirates of the Mediterranean: Blackheart's Brainstorm

NxGen Nancy Originally posted here.


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