TEACHER Right, class. Today we will be looking a little more at the 'Big Bang'.
Somebody shouts 'BOOM!' and the class giggle.
TEACHER Yes, yes thank you very much. A common misconception, however. If you wanted to vocally demonstrate it, it would more like a (he adopts a slow-motion voice) boooooooooooooom...you see it was, and is a gradual and continuous expansion. Not, as many believe, a big explosion.
The students aren't interested.
This is exciting stuff guys. We're talking about how you and I came to be in this incredible phenomenon...So. The formation of the Universe. I hope everybody has remembered their homework for this week's show and tell...I see those of you by blank desks, with equally blank expressions have forgotten? Either that or you've brought us some very imaginative, invisible objects?
RICHARD I wasn't here last week, Sir.
TEACHER Weren't here, that's right, you weren't. OK fair enough. Daniel I know you were here because you made a very creative excuse for
forgetting the previous session's homework,
where's your object?
DANIEL Er...I er..ah-
TEACHER You er a-a-are going to stay behind this
lunchtime and make it up OK?
DANIEL Aw but sir.
TEACHER Never mind 'aw but sir'. You don't do
the work, then you don't enjoy break time.
Everybody else, well done all of you. Give
yourselves a pat on the back. Right, so before
we go ahead and look at what we've all brought
in, let's have a quick re-cap. Who would like to
explain the basics of the 'Big Bang'...?...No
one? Come on I don't believe you've all
forgotten about it...William, what did we talk about last lesson?
WILLIAM Er...well....the Big Bang.
TEACHER ...how reassuring...how about
something a little less obvious?
WILL Can't remember.
TEACHER Goodness me, I must be losing my touch.
Well clearly someone hasn't been doing there
DAMON (under his breath) Dumbass.
TEACHER Er, excuse me, Damon. Do you
care to offer any insights?
DAMON Yes, you were telling us about how the
DAMON How the universe began like 50 million years ago -
TEACHER More like 10 - 15 Billion years ago.
DAMON Right. And started as an explosion of
DAMON What's the matter?
TEACHER No, Damon – Matter. An explosion, or
expansion of matter.
DAMON Oh. Right, and that's how the Universe
was created. .
TEACHER Started, yes. Brought into being.
DAMON Same diff', innit?
TEACHER Not quite, no. The word 'created'
implies a Creator. That's not necessarily what
we are focussing on. Here we're not talking
about a Creator, or for arguments sake, 'God', we're taking about...well – it. The beginning of
DAMON But it just means it was made.
TEACHER Which would also imply a maker...
DAMON So what do you call it?
TEACHER Well, I say 'brought into being'.
DAMON So...a 'bring-er' made it?
TEACHER Let's say then, 'accidentally brought
into being by chance'. That's slightly more
accurate, and less assuming of a creator.
DAMON So, created by chance?
DAMON So, Chance is the creator of the
DAMON I'd like to meet Chance. Sounds like a top guy.
TEACHER Very good. Yes - No.
DAMON (turning to classmate) Hey, Chance.
Name's Damon, nice to meet you. Looking good
TEACHER Look don't personify him.
DAMON Who said it was a 'he'?
TEACHER You did.
DAMON I said 'guy', that could be unisex.
TEACHER Damon you know what I'm saying -
DAMON Bit sexist, isn't it?
TEACHER No Damon, you started all this, all I
said was -
DAMON You're the one making him a him. I never
gave it privates.
TEACHER OK fine. It. Let's call it, 'it'.
DAMON (pointing to classmate) That's what I
TEACHER Yes all right Damon, please. May I
TEACHER Excellent, so, yes. Approximately 10-15
billion years ago, the entire universe was
accidentally brought into being by chance.
DAMON Who, by the way, is a great guy.
TEACHER Damon, please.
DAMON But a bit clumsy.
WILL Why don't you believe in a
TEACHER Pardon me, William?
WILL Well...why don't you believe in
a creator, or Intelligent Designer?
TEACHER Well to put it simply, I've had no
encounter with it...and I've no concrete proof
that such a being, or thing exists.
TEACHER Good, so let's carry on -
WILL So because you haven't met Him,
He doesn't exist?
DAMON Oh. Careful Will. Touchy subject.
TEACHER Yes. In my mind, because I haven't met
him/her/it/they...a creator doesn't exist.
DAMON You're not going to carry on about God
again, are you?
TEACHER Damon. We're all entitled to our
opinion. William I'm assuming that you hold a
belief in a creator?
WILL Yeah, I do.
The class snigger.
TEACHER And you're entitled to do so. Perhaps after we study this module a little deeper, you might change your mind. Right then, let's get our objects at the ready. Who is going to go first?
William has a large old watch. Open so we can see the inside of it.
WILL I will.
TEACHER Very well, William. What have you
brought us? That looks interesting.
WILL Well, this is a watch, Sir.
TEACHER Yes I can see that. Wonderful. And why
did you chose that? Any particular reason?
WILL Not really, no.
TEACHER Excellent. OK, well where did you get it?
TEACHER What do you mean nowhere?
The class snigger.
TEACHER Well, it can't have come from nowhere.
WILL It did.
TEACHER OK...nowhere...so if it came from nowhere, then who made it?
WILL ...no one.
TEACHER No one?
TEACHER Who made it?
WILL No one. It just kind of...was.
WILL It just....happened.
TEACHER I won't ask you again.
TEACHER Fine. It came from no where, and no one made it.
TEACHER And why did you choose this watch to
WILL Well, it's made of lots of
different working parts. And you said to bring in something associated with the Universe.
TEACHER I can see where this is going...So on your desk, you have something made up of lots of different parts which fit together into one...thing -
WILL Design, exactly.
TEACHER Which apparently appeared out of nowhere, and was made by no one.
WILL That's right. In the same way that our incredibly organised Universe just seemed to happen.
TEACHER Someone made that, William. I'm not an idiot. The maker of that watch could be tracked down and found.
WILL So can God.
TEACHER Well that's your opinion.
WILL I also have an Oxford Dictionary in my bag, which fell into place when the printing factory blew up.
TEACHER Right, young man. I know what you're trying to say, but the truth is, your watch has been made. It's irrefutable. Absolutely irrefutable.
WILL Because what?
TEACHER Because it's far too intricate to have come from nothing and no one. Things like that don't just happen. They don't just fall into place.
WILL It's not as impressive as the Universe.
TEACHER That's different!
TEACHER Because it just is!
WILL Your telling me that this watch is more impressive than the Universe?
TEACHER No, of course not.
WILL OK, so this watch has to have
been designed, because it's so impressive...but the Universe which is infinitely bigger and more impressive, is supposed to have exploded from something, which came from nothing, and was made by no one...?
© Jonathan Boustead 2010
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