Grief and the Ressurection
by zorrine bailey
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Grief and the Ressurection
David grieved over the death of his baby, yet he knew he would see him again someday. Martha grieved over the death of her brother Lazarus, yet Jesus raised him from the dead. Hannah grieved over her lack of a child, yet when she prayed God gave her a son. Scripture doesnít hide the emotions of those who lost a loved one. Death is not the end for those of who believe in Christ.
How did these people handle their grief? David prayed and mourned, Martha blamed Jesus for not coming sooner to heal her brother and prevent his death, Hannah prayed for a child.
My mom had been quite ill for some time before her death. Her physicians and others kept telling me she probably would not live long, she proved them all wrong and lived almost three years.
It was winter 2008. Mom had been in the ICU for a few days. Some nurses allowed me to sleep in a Gerry chair in her room, others did not, so I slept in the waiting room along with other families that were waiting to hear about their loved ones in the ICU.
February 23, 2008, I awoke at 4:30 A.M. and went into momís room. The nurse was sitting at the desk reading a book. I found the alarm on her ventilator buzzing and her heart at zero on the monitor. I panicked and obtained help. Within seconds a code blue was called and momís room filled with many medical personnel that quickly began doing shock treatment to her heart. I stood to the side overwhelmed with grief. All I could do was cry. They worked on mom for fifteen minutes. Her heart started again and mom woke up a few days later. Mom looked into my eyes and I into hers. I stooped over and kissed mom. I told mom what God had done for her. Mom took her head and with force bumped into me twice, that required strength, since she was bedridden. That was her only way of telling me she understood what I said, and that she loved me. That memory I will treasure always. It was the last time mom ever communicated with me. Mom was discharged a few days later.
March 14, 2008 as I arrived at the home, mom was having difficulty breathing, even on the ventilator, I called for help. The advanced life support ambulance she needed was taking too long to arrive, so the fire department ambulance arrived using an Ambu bag to help breath. Mom only lived for a short while at the hospital. Mom opened her eyes and appeared as though she was staring at me, but was unaware of my presence. I think she was looking at Jesus and heaven.
My heart ached more than at any time in my life as I watched mom breathe her last breath and her blood pressure drop to 23/54, then down to zero. Physicians entered the room and pronounced her dead. I held momís now lifeless body for hours. I did not want to leave her, even though I knew she was in Heaven with Jesus. My journey of grief had just begun. I knew it might be awhile before mom, and I would see each other again, and when we finally did, it would be in the presence of Jesus. I caressed her face and kissed her. I said good bye to her and told her I would see her on the other side someday soon. For a day is as a thousand years and a thousand years as a day.
My journey of grief began on March 14, 2008. For the first time in my life, I was totally alone. I did not want to drive home. For the first time in my life I felt separated, lonely and I knew what it felt like to grieve, I read about other's grief in scripture, but this time it was my grief. I spent the first three months in my apartment, I had my groceries delivered to me. I did not leave except to cash my checks at the bank next door. I was in shock and disbelief that mom was really gone. My best friend was no longer with me. I cried and cried without end. Nothing brought joy to my life. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I prayed for God to take me home, so I could be with mom.
What I eventually learned was that everyone handles grief differently. Some cry, some are angry at God. Some are depressed, but all share the fact that they have lost someone that meant a great deal to them.
It took me some time before I realized I had to live a different life now [change is inevitable ]. I had to learn to cook or eat out. I purchased cooking utensils and tried my hand at cooking, and soon realized that I am not the cook my mom was [ back to the dollar menu]. I no longer spent my days and evenings with mom, I had to figure out what to do with my time. I returned to college ten months later [online]. I began attending a bible study for a short while. I soon realized my grief and loneliness was more overwhelming than I could have ever imagined. I lost interest in many things and felt lost without her. I took on extra work at my job. I make sure that every day I get out of the house. I tried making new friends, not easy, since I was used to spending all my time with mom for years, I have had to learn a whole new way to live, if I was going to survive my grief. It has been a long, difficult journey with many changes in my life. I still cry over mom many days and looking at her pictures can easily bring tears to my eyes. It has not been easy to make all these changes. The biggest change for me was socializing with people when I was used to being quiet and shy. I moved to a different apartment and purchased a dog.
The one thing that I did during momís illness and after her death was to pray, pray, pray. I watched God do amazing things in momís life, and I learned to trust God more. However, at times it is still not easy to do. After all, I lost my mother and my best friend and trusting doesnít come easily now.
I keep pictures of mom in several places around my apartment, and now I am able to talk about her death, though not without many tears. I often wonder what she is doing, and if she ever thinks about me. Sometimes I pray and ask God to tell her how much I miss her and love her.
It takes time to work through all the various emotions [give yourself plenty of time to grieve, until you canít grieve anymore]. I am still working through them. I have learned that only God can truly help me to finally come to the place where I may have joy again [trust God, like mom always told me to do], though I have not arrived yet, not always.
Application: Have you lost a loved one? What do find yourself doing to cope with the loss? Remember it takes a long time to work through the loss, turn to God for help. Years ago, I heard a song, the lyrics are as follows: ďPut on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, lift up your voice to God, praise with the spirit and with understanding, oh magnify the LordĒ. Not an easy thing to do when you are grieving, but necessary if one is to get through the grief
Finally, donít expect others to understand completely your grief, unless they have suffered a deep loss in their life, even then they will not be able to comfort you as only God can do.At times I just wanted someone to pour my heart out to that would understand how I felt, in the end it had to be God.
Isaiah 53:3 Jesus is acquainted with grief.
1 Samuel 1:8 where Hannah grieved.
Isaiah 43:2 When thou passeth through the waters I will be with thee and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee, when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
Isaiah 66:13 As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you
Matthew 28:5-6a- And the Angel answered and said unto the women, fear not ye for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. He is not here, he is risen.
© 2010 by Zorrine Bailey Scripture from KJV
The hope of the resurrection that we celebrate on this Easter Sunday is the hope, we all share and the only hope of eternal life for us and those who went to be with Christ before us. Have a blessed Easter!
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