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I feel pretty, oh so pretty
by Julie Michaelson
03/29/10
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Thou
shall not
covet.
[Exodus 20:17]
*******************
"This lady,
I know...
Lord...."

[LONG PAUSE.]
"What about
her,
My child?"

"Well......"
(Irritable squirm.)
"She's so......self-
CONFIDENT!"

[CALM NOD.]
"What of it,
Mein kin'der."

"It's so....ANNOYING!"

[SMILE.]
"Why, child?"

"Do Ya see,
what I'm
GETTIN' AT?"

[CALM GAZE.]
[PATIENT SHAKE
OF THE HEAD.]
"No."

(Squirm.)
"In fact......
MOST a' PEOPLE,
I know....
are MUCH MORE
self-CONFIDENT,
than ME! And...
BETTER-LOOKIN',
TOO!"

[NOD.]

"WHY couldn't
Ya have at least..
made me more....WORLD-SMART?"

[PATIENT SQUINT.]
"What is that,
Mein kin'der."

"Ya know...."
(Snap fingers.)
"....SHARP-SMART!
Ya know: can
make the big BUCKS!"

[PAUSE.]
"Ah.
I see."
[SHAKE HEAD.]
"Because,
My child.
I didn't."

"WELL.....
You could have
made me,
physically STRONG!
And....ATHLETIC!
SOMEBODY...
who ran MARATHONS!
And....could sail* the
OCEAN, ALONE!"

[THOUGHTFUL PAUSE.]
"Oy vey z' mir."

"Or....a really good
SINGING VOICE!"

"No."

"Or....blue EYES!"

"No."

(Shoulders slump.)
"Or....at least,
MANAGERIAL!
Ya KNOW: a real LEADER!
SOMEBODY,
that people...
asked, for ADVICE!"

[LONG, PATIENT GAZE.]
"Isn't it time,
you were in
bed,
child?"

(Shake puny fist
at ceiling.)
"I wanna know WHY!"

[SILENCE.]

(Mumble.)
"At least...
pretty blue EYES...
and...maybe,
real good at MATH,
or..SCIENCE. Then,
I could'a been a PHYSICIST,
or SOMETHIN'.
Or....an ASTRONAUT."

"Go to bed,
child."

"WELL!
You could'a given
me SOMETHIN',
SPECIAL!"

"I did.
Me."
*********************
God
is no
respecter
of
persons.
[Acts 10:34]



__________________
*The author gets
nauseous, if she
stands on a boat dock.
Once, in Hawaii,
she got on one of those
ferrys that take folks
over to see the Pearl Harbor
Monument. All the people
got off the ferry, talking,
and enjoying the bright
sunshine, and walking
around, and
taking pictures.
The author never saw
the Monument, at all;
she was being sick the
whole time,
in the head.




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