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Holding Water
by Julie Michaelson
03/18/10
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How is it,
that You,
being a Jew,
ask a drink
from me,
a Samaritan
woman?
[John 4:9]
*********************
"This story just
doesn't FLY with me,
Lord."

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
"Why,
My precious."

(Frown.)
(Grimmace.)
"It doesn't make
any SENSE."

[NOD.]
[TURN TO HIS RIGHT.]
[SMILE.]
"Go on,
My beloved."

"Well......."
(Chew on a chicken tot.)
"Women, in that
part of the world.....
don't they....eh,
Ya know: get ZAPPED?
If they just TALK to
a STRANGE GUY?"
(Laugh!)
"And, this is two-thousand
TEN! I can't IMAGINE,
what happened to'em,
back THEN? Heck,
they would'a STONED
her, before she
even got the BUCKET
into the WELL!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"THAT'S why...
I don't BELIEVE it.
That lady NEVER would'a
talked to HIM! NO WAY!"
(Laugh.)
"Especially...a Hebrew,
JEWISH lookin' GUY?
Are You KIDDIN'?
Heck, even TODAY she
would'a been SHOT!"
(Laughing.)

[PATIENT GAZE.]

(Suspicious glance.)
"And, so WHAT if
He knew that she
had......
HAD five HUSBANDS?
SO?
So, WHAT?"
(Squint.)
"Maybe, she would'a
thought;
'Oh! I bet He's
been talkin' to one 'a
my NEIGHBORS! Or....
maybe...
to the guy who sells me,
my BREADCAKES, at
the MARKET?......
Or....better yet,
to Rolo'oah: my nasty
BROTHER-in-LAW!'
(Stare at the ceiling.)
"...See what I MEAN?
Why would the stranger
have to be a PROPHET?
PROBABLY, the
whole TOWN KNEW!"
(Laugh!)

[GAZE OUT UPON
ONE OF THE STARS
NEAR PLANET VEGA.]
[SIGH.]
[LOOK BACK, UPON
SINFUL EARTH.]

(Rueful grimmace.)
"This STORY just
doesn't WASH!"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"It doesn't cut
any MUSTARD!"

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
[CHUCKLE.]
"Rolo'oah,
child?"

(Burst out laughing!)
"Heck, I DUNNO
any 'a those NAMES!
WHAT was I gonna
CALL him: ZACHARY?
TED? BILL? KEN?"
(Laugh!)
"GEORGE?"

[SHAKING HEAD,
REMEMBERING THE
DAY THAT HE DECIDED
TO LET THIS CHILD
BE CONCEIVED.]

"NEAH."
(Shaking frumpy head.)
"Never,
HAPPENED."

[SIGH.]

"...Just DOESN'T
hold WATER."

[SMILE!]

(Squint.)
(Shout.)
(Thumbs-up sign,
at the ceiling.)
"Hey, LORD!
I MADE A PUN!"

[CHUCKLING.]
[NOD.]
********************
But
whoever drinks
of the water
that I shall
give him
will never
thirst.
But
the water
that I
shall give
him
will become...
a fountain of water
springing up
into
everlasting
life.
[John 4:14]



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