A Kiss in NOT Just a Kiss outrageous Ideas on Sex Before Marriage Series
by Marijo Phelps
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Many of the engaged couples that were on staff at Youth With a Mission had decided to wait and have their very first kiss at the altar after they had been pronounced man and wife. These were not home schooled kids who had been raised that way. These were people some of whom had been “in the world and OF the world” before coming to the Lord Jesus Christ. Some of them had done many, many things which had broken the Lord’s heart. They had been set free, made clean and new by the blood He shed for them at Calvary.
Mick and I had defined some really strict guidelines for our relationship but it did not include waiting to have our first kiss at the altar. We soon came to the conclusion that what might appear to be the same kiss goodnight could be very different from another kiss that might appear to an onlooker (although we hoped no one was being an onlooker) to be the same.
What am I trying to say? You could kiss goodnight with the lips on lips, feet on the floor and hands not roaming. Do I need to say that I am not talking about a “French kiss”? One time the kiss could be fine. Another time that same kiss could be lighting fires that didn’t and shouldn’t be lighted until after you were married.
Song of Solomon 8:4
Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right. (NLT)
We felt the above scripture referred to the time AFTER a couple was married and that was our goal -
Yes, there were times when it was a struggle. One day in my quiet time I tried to express my thoughts in the following prayer.
Patience and Sexual Purity
Oh, Lord Jesus, you know how I always was at Christmas, trying to find out surprises, overhearing conversations, sneaking around to rattle boxes or peek through papers. If mom and dad were gone I was known to pry open package ends and peek inside. Time was my enemy, as was waiting. Patience was nowhere within me.
Is that perhaps why, on that big morning after awakening every half hour though the night that when all the papers were ripped off and the contents revealed there was a measure of happiness or joy and a measure of “is that all there is?” Was it because my focus was on things and not your birth? Was it because I tampered in an untimely fashion with those gifts?
Lord, there is an incredible gift wrapped and set aside for our upcoming wedding from you to us and then us to each other. I beseech you to let your strength be evident in our weakness! Let not even a corner of the paper be torn or wrinkled. Help us, I pray to cherish, trust, WAIT and not gobble. Oh, Jesus, help our focus to always be looking up to you. Father hear my cry. AMEN
The Bottom line in all of this is that God helped us be victorious!! Part of that help came in the way of great teaching. Some of it is following below.
Kissing represents commitment, without commitment, a kiss is betrayal.
Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss, we do too when we kiss someone we are just going to use for fleshy purposes.
To a girl a kiss on the lips is a very strong witness of true commitment. To a guy it can be just a fleshy pleasure.
Proverbs 24:26 (New King James Version)
26 He who gives a right answer kisses the lips.
Proverbs 27:6 (New King James Version)
6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Luke 22:47-48 (New King James Version) Betrayal and Arrest in Gethsemane
47 And while He was still speaking, behold, a multitude; and he who was called Judas, one of the twelve, went before them and drew near to Jesus to kiss Him. 48 But Jesus said to him, “Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?”
Titus 1 (New King James Version)
1 Paul, a bondservant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, according to the faith of God’s elect and the acknowledgment of the truth which accords with godliness.
Verse one speaks of the knowledge of truth according to godliness. Test a teaching for truth and honesty and do not hang onto false teachings.
If you are defiled you do not see clearly and you are deceived. When you're deceived you don't know it!
We need God's Word, spiritual covering, parents and fellowship to keep us honest, thinking humbly, clearly and truthfully.
Some of these writings are based on a lecture series called Sex and Dating by Dale Crall and are used with his permission. Thank you Dale!
There are many more articles in this series if you enjoyed this one you might want to read the others!
Please feel free to leave comments or questions.
(C) Marijo Phelps all rights reserved. Use with proper credits.
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