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Adam's Second Pet
by Julie Michaelson
03/01/10
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Then
God said,
'Let the earth
bring forth
the living creature
according to
its kind:
cattle
and creeping thing
and beast of the
earth,
each according to
its kind';
and
it was so.
[Genesis 1:24]
***********************
"SCRUFFY!
STOP BARKIN'
AT THAT DINOSAUR!"

(BARK! BARK!)

(Cranky shout.)
"SCRUFFY!
I SAID.....STOP IT!
Now....
KNOCK IT OFF*!"

(BARK!)
(BARK.)
(WHINE.)
(WHIMPER.)
(More whimpering.)

(Adam pauses, for a moment,
from gathering twigs
for the evening fire.
It's almost dinnertime,
and his helpmate
has been in a bad mood,
all day; so far, she hadn't
been much of a helpmate,
at ALL; first, there was
the bad-apple-incident,
and then, the whole she-said-
he said-the serpent-said
quarrel in front of the
Lord [Who had decidedly
become VERY CRANKY]....
not to mention
gettin' kicked outta Eden in
front of all those
laughing monkeys,
and the two big nasty
angels-with-the-flaming-
swords. And now.....
all this helpmate ever
did was throw-up,
in the warm sunny grass.
She was moody, and almost as
whiny as Scruffy. Plus,
she was developing an
irritating habit of
feeding those little
miniature lions [recently
named 'cats'], that hung
around the back of their
thatched hut.
In addition to constipation,
allergies was another
new discovery that had
been made, in the
past few days. Adam had
figured out, after several
nights of tossing and
sneezing....that the
cats enjoyed rubbing their
fluffy, scratchy fur up against
everything, in and around
the house. Adam's eyes were
constantly red and watery,
and he sneezed, every time
he came near their little
place outside'a'Eden. No
amount of pleading, yelling
or shouting... or begging,
would make his sickly wife
relent from feeding,
and cooing over those
miserable little creatures.
There was cat fur in their
food, in their hay-bed,
in their cooking utensils,
on their animal-skinned-
clothing (that the Lord
had given both of them,
as a Going-Away present),
on top of the thatched
roof of their hut,
and even on Scruffy
(who was sneezing, also).
(The first time that
Scruffy saw one of the
furry, useless, little
creatures, he barked
and growled, rather
threateningly. Very
soon, however, poor
Scruffy discovered that
the nasty little vermin
had rather pointy and
sharp claws, and knew,
rather irritatingly,
how to scamper up the
smallest nook for any
ready escape. Now,
Scruffy just tried
to avoid them, and
give a fruitless snarl
or two...while keeping
his big sensitive nose
away from those nasty
little pointed claws.)
Adam muttered; maybe,
tonight, this help-not-
help-mate...would be
able to eat some of the
chicken he was cooking,
and wouldn't be in such a
crabby mood....and,
then he could bring up
the most recent
problem of those
darn cats, again.
Adam looks up,
wiping a drop of
sweat from his
scraggy brow.)
"Hey.....LORD?"

"Yes,
Mein kin'der."

(Squint.)
"Huh?
What's 'AT,
MEAN?"

[CHUCKLE.]
"Go on,
My child."

(Thoughtful pause;
squinting, as though
trying to remember
what he was about to say.)
"Oh....HEY!
I TRIED GRABBING
'COUPLE a' those
PLUMS, YESTERDAY
MORNING!"
(Thumbs-up sign at the sky.)
"HEY!
IT WORKED!"

[SMILE.]
[SOLEMN NOD.]
"Very good,
My child."

"YEAH!
I TOOK A PURPLE PLUM...
AN'A BIG RED PLUM...
JUST TO MAKE SURE!"
(Another thumbs-up sign.)

[ANOTHER SOLEMN NOD.]
"Well done,
My child."

(A very loud screeching
noise can suddenly be
heard, in the background.
It's so thunderous,
that Adam looks up,
and smacks his scraggly head
against a moss-and-long-legged-spider-
covered tree limb.)
"OUCH!
HEY, DINO!
STOP THAT SCREECHIN'!
Y'ur ALMOST as bad...
as SCRUFFY!"

(The lumbering brontosaurus,
off in the wide pasture,
behind Adam and Eve's
thatched-roof hut,
appears totally deaf.
He just goes on,
peacefully chomping on
some more of the thick,
green grass.)

[PATIENT GAZE UPON
PEACEFUL SCENE OF
LARGE DINOSAUR,
SCRUFFY DOG,
AND GRUMPY,
SWEATY, AND
HAIRY CHILD.]

"Hey....LORD?"

"Yes,
child."

"How come Ya
made those DINOSAURS...
so BIG?"
(Squint up at the cloudy
sky. Accidently drops a big,
thorny twig on his right, hairy toe.)
(Mutters a brand-new curse-word.)

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"I mean......they're
really...REALLY BIG!"

[CALM, LOVING VOICE.]
"Just ignore them,
child."
[SMALL CHUCKLE.]
"And,
they will
pay you no
attention."

"YEAH, BUT.......!
IT'S JUST THAT...
THEY'RE SO...
BIG!"

[NOD.]
"I made them
that way,
child."

(Wipe dirty, sweaty
brow, again.)
(Toss a small piece of
cooked chicken over
at the whimpering Scruffy.)
(Scruffy immediately
stops whimpering. His
floppy, matted
tail begins
to wag.)
(The piece of chicken disappears.)
(A large black snout begins
routing around, in search
of more cooked chicken.)

(Toss another piece,
but not before tearing
off a bit, for himself.)
"WHY?
WAS THE DINOSAURS'
SOME KIND'A ....EXPERIMENT?"

[THUNDERING CHUCKLE.]
[EVEN DINO LOOKS UP
FOR A MOMENT, FROM
CHOMPING ON THE
SWEET GRASS. THEN,
HE CONTENTEDLY
GOES BACK TO CHOMPING.]

[SMILING.]
"No,
Mein kin'der."

"HUH?"

"No,
My child."

(Adam nods:
pacified for the moment.)
(Suddenly, he looks
up from his twig-gathering-chore.)
"Hey.....LORD?
I GOTTA' ANOTHER
QUESTION?"

"Yes,
My precious?"

(Squint.)
(Rub one dirty toe
over another, in the
scratchy grass.)
(Toss another piece of
chicken over at Scruffy.)
"Would the plums help EVE?
She's been kind'a SICKLY,
LATELY!"

[PATIENT GAZE.]

"I DUNNO WHAT'S
WRONG WITH HER!"

[LONG PAUSE.]
[LOVING GAZE UPON
HIS DIRTY, SWEATY
FRUSTRATED CHILD,
THE SCRUFFY DOG
SITTING HAPPILY IN
THE GRASS SCUFFIN'G
DOWN A PIECE OF
COOKED CHICKEN,
AND THE HUGE, GREEN
BEAST CONTENTEDLY
CHOMPING AWAY ON THE
SWEET SUMMER GRASS.]
[SMILE!]
[NOD.]

"I do."
***********************
And
God blessed
them,
saying,
'Be fruitful
and
multiply.'
[Genesis 1:22]

______________________
*What my Dad used
to say, during the
long drives to
the Jersey shore,
on those summer days
back in 1962,
when the chevrolet
wasn't air-conditioned,
and there were 3 whiny,
arguing kids
in the back seat. One
kid, in particular,
was whiny; she wore big,
thick glasses, and always
insisted on bringing her
two favorite stuffed animals:
two kitties, naturally.
______________
I love you,
Dad.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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