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Adam's Second Discovery
by Julie Michaelson
02/25/10
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Therefore
the Lord God
sent him out
of the garden
of Eden
to till the
ground
from which
he was
taken.
[Genesis 3:23]
************************
(Adam is in the middle
of trying to do some fishing;
he hasn't been able to catch
any, yet; so far all he has
caught is a bunch of mosquito bites,
and some bird-do on his dirty hair.
He's been outta Eden,
for about ten days. So
far, he's stubbed his
left toe five times, his
right toe seven, he's gotten
into sixteen fights with
Eve (who is already having
morning sickness),
a somewhat scruffy-looking
dog has been following him
around and begging for
meat-bits and a lot of
attention, a coconut has
fallen on his head and
there's a big lump on it
[his head: not the coconut],
and in the past three days,
he has recently discovered
something called constipation.
He's also found out that, ever since
getting kicked outta Eden,
his vision has gotten decidedly worse:
he constantly has to squint
and stare: squint and stare.)
******************************
(Kneeling down,
on a wet, slimy rock:
not in prayer,
but in search of a slow-
swimming fish.)
(Off to one side,
on the edge of the
clear, cold creek,
is a shaggy,
scruffy-looking,
whimpering dog.)
"LORD?"

"Yes,
My child?"

"I gotta QUESTION?"

"Yes;
what is it,
My child?"

"Well......."
(Scratch. Scratch.)
(Rub a dirty arm against
a runny, itchy nose.)
(Turn around, to look
back at the edge of
the cold creek. The
shaggy mut is now
beginning to bark.)
"SCRUFFY! SHUT UP!"
(Turn back around.)
(Look up.)
"Anyhow....
"I was sort'a CURIOUS!"

[SOLEMN NOD.]
[PATIENT, FATHERLY VOICE.]
"What is it,
My child?"

"I was just thinkin',
this morning...while
I was tryin' to ...eh....
Ya know...."

[CHUCKLE.]
"Yes,
Adam.
I know;
try eating some
of those plums on
the far side of the
creek bed:
on the trees:
the Good Ones."

"WHICH ONES:
the RED PLUMS?
Or....the PURPLE'LISH PLUMS?"

"Either;
you should eat
two of them,
every morning."

"Okay, LORD!
I'll TRY THAT!"
(Make a thumbs-up sign.)
(Curse, and suddenly
smack the back of his
sun-burnt neck.)
(Scratch.)
(Squint down at the
creek bed, for another fish.)
(Turn around to see the
scruffy, whining dog
right behind him: its
paws are scrabbling up
on the slippery rocks.)
(Loud bark at the fish.)
"Shut-UP, SCRUFFY!"
(Look up, with a duffahs-look on his
stubbly, sweaty face.)
"Hey, LORD?
How COME I LOOK
JUST LIKE ONE A' THOSE
CHIMPANZEES,
off YONDER?"

[SILENCE.]

"HUH?"
(Scratch at another
mosquito bite.)
(Snorty, sloppy sniff.)
(Stubb toe on one of
the pointy, slippery rocks.)
(Mutter.)
(Utter another new,
brand-new, curse.)

[PATIENT GAZE.]

"HUH?
I just NOTICED THAT....
YESTERDAY MORNING...
while I was tryin' to...eh,
YA know....!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
[LOVING, FATHERLY VOICE.]
"Plums,
child:
plums."

"YEAH, LORD!
I KNOW!
I KNOW!"
(Impatient grimmace.)
"I'm gonna TRY THAT!"
(Squint back down,
into the cold, clear
creek bed.)
"But, what about
those CHIMPANZEES?"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"What about
them,
child."

"WELL?
HOW COME THEY
LOOK A LOT LIKE ME?"

[CHUCKLE.]
"When did you
notice,
My child?"

(Squint up at the bright
sky. Stub toe, again.)
"Well.......I think
it was RIGHT AFTER,
we both got BOOTED outta
that GARDEN!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Go on."

"WELL....."
(Scratch.)
(Put hand to stomach.)
(Grimmace.)
(Look around, for one
of the plum-trees.)
(Look back, up.)
(The shaggy, scruffy
dog has slipped into
the cold, clear creek.)
"EVE and I WERE....
WALKIN' AWAY
FROM THOSE BIG,
NASTY-LOOKIN' ANGELS...
the ones with the
big flaming SWORDS!"

[GENTLE CHUCKLING.]
[NODDING.]
"Yes,
My child;
go on."

"And......."
(Scratch.)
(Squint down, again,
at the clear-running creek.)
(The scruffy dog has just
poked his shaggy head,
out of the water. Two
big, scaly fish are
clutched in its long,
snouty mouth.)
(Adam stares, wide-eyed.)
"Good BOY, SCRUFFY!"
(Stares back, up.)
"ANYHOW.....
there were these
two CHIMPANZEES...."
(Scratch.)
".....On the far side 'a
the TREES....!"

[CHUCKLE.]
"Yes,
My child?"

"SCREECHIN',
AND POINTIN'
at us! It was WEIRD!
It was.....ALMOST...
as if they were LAUGHIN'?"

[RUMBLE OF LAUGHTER,
FROM THE HEAVENS,
ABOVE.]

"WELL, LORD?
HOW COME?
HUH?"
(Scratch. Scratch.)
"How COME they...
LOOK...
just LIKE ME?"

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
"Just a sense
of humor,
My child."

"WHOSE?
THEIRS?"

[PAUSE.]
[CHUCKLING.]
"No.
Mine."
**********************
Then,
God said,
'Let the earth
bring forth
the living creature
according to its
kind: cattle
and creeping thing
and beast
of the
earth,
each
according
to its
kind';
and
it was
so.
[Genesis 1:24]





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Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher  26 Feb 2010
hehe - fun one. Love all the descriptions of the action. Made me smile.




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