It was one of those impromptu moments with God where one stops what they are doing and takes a few moments for a quick conversation …
I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes. I felt such overwhelming gratitude in my heart I didn't want to wait until later to let Him know. (although of course, I knew He already knew, but still …)
So I expressed what I was feeling and said, “I really appreciate all the things you’ve done lately – for my dad, my sister, my daughter … for me. It’s meant a lot to me – thank you so much.”
“It doesn’t seem like it.” came simple words that spoke a searing truth.
I knew what those words meant and it tore right through me – I lowered my head in shame and turned away. I didn't want to face Him. I’ve been resistant lately about talking with Him and about reading His word. I haven’t felt like facing the gravity of burdens that needed to be brought before Him. They were too deep, too vast to fit within my chest … and they hurt.
So no, sometimes I don’t want to feel the pain that goes beyond tears not easily held back but draws blood in my soul hoping and petitioning for what seems like the impossible.
I stayed silent in my disgrace.
How quickly things had changed from deep thankfulness to deep disgrace. But something inside me ventured to ask, “Was that you, Lord? Did you say that?” (I don’t know why I questioned this since the statement was true)
A fresh breeze lifted my face, sweet words lifted the veil, “Did it sound like me? Would I say something like that to you?”
My eyes popped open (for real) and I pushed myself off the wall, and a light felt like it glowed warmth in my heart ...
No! It didn’t sound like Him! It didn’t sound like Him at all! And come to think of it, it didn’t sound like Him all those other times when I felt guilty by whispers of incrimination. Whispers of truth twisted into shame and pain – whispers that did not heal but cut deeper into wounds from the past.
Love is patient … love is kind … love keeps no record of wrongs … always hopes and perseveres.
This is my God, my Lord, and my Companion who speaks a sweet truth.
He understands … always.
How quickly His truth turns incrimination into a warm blanket of Grace.
Thank you Lord ...
Oh, and thank you so much Lord, for being You.
May you wrap yourself in His Grace and be comforted by His embrace.