Written straight through at 5am. No spell check, so you get it how I =
straight away and from the darkness.
I stood there at the gates of heaven waiting to get in. Or be told to =
away. I used to say when I died i didn't want any excuses for what I'd =
one day I found myself standing at those golden gates..........waiting. =
passed and then the gates slowly opened. God walked through. he wore a =
robe and had long dark hair. His dark hair and beard made me uneasy. He =
stood there behind those dark glasses. He remained motionless for an =
nodded once to show him I was paying attention. He removed his glasses. =
were warm and yet penetrated me til I could hardly breathe.
God:What were you thinking?
Me: Which time?
A large pool of water appeared between us both. The water swirled and =
its shape. God began to replay every moment in my life. I looked up at =
then noticed all around me were friends and family from every point in =
They were watching this horrid display of a life I had led. The display=20
God:Here, this time, when you were 5. What do you have to say?
Looking at some distant decision I had made, and realizing each =
life had been mine, and starting early I was to have learned how to make =
wiser each day. I nervously shook my head,..........
Me:I don't know.
God: Well I want to discuss these choices with you. Each choice with =
Me: We are going to be here awhile aren't we?
The pool went into motion again. Every moment I was alone was on =
Every second hand thought I ever gave, every distraction in life that I =
into was there for all to see. I stopped being embarrassed after the =
We sifted through images both glorious and appalling. God brought out =
after file of promises I had made and never kept. Replays of audio from =
conversations, plotting,planning, we discussed at length. 200 days =
passed and I=20
still stood before this pool. The onlookers that were had interest grew =
unbelievable number. God paused. The timer on the pool read 1983.
Me: You have got to be kidding!
God: Quite a lot of controversy before you finished Jr. High isn't =
Me: I am sure you have a point to all this. But If I am already dead, =
humility, embarrassment, or time to correct these actions is a little =
God:Well, I am looking for the point when you grew up. I am trying to =
reasons to let you in. At what point did you actually turn back to me =
me some effort to trying to do what I wanted?
Me:I don't know.
I was trying to come up with something. Anything. I thought I would =
Me:Well, let me ask you a question God. It isn't like you gave me a =
mean, you started me of with the cards stacked against me pretty =
He began to speak, and I interrupted. "No, don't tell me you never =
more than I could handle. Man, if that were true nobody would ever =
God: I was going to tell you. you simply chose the easy way out of =
never struggled through what I gave you as a challenge.
Me: So what! I see what happens to those who pass the test. you just =
them another test, then another. each one harder than the first one. =
God: so, if you had it to do over again, you would still do things =
Me:I didn't say that. I am saying that why push yourself into harder=20
God:Let me tell you how it works around here. (staring hard at me) I =
making the same test harder each time. Until you are down on your hands =
knees with nothing.Until you learn that one lesson I am trying to get =
through. Then we move on to another. You choose to suffer for the moment =
move on or you choose the easy answer and then I come back again with a =
test until you get it. Get it???!!!
I stood there silent. All eyes were on me.
Me:Yes, I get it. So what do I do now? We can pretty much assume that =
out of 10 I didn't make the right choices. So if you say I had 14,000 =
and I failed at most of them.......... what? OK, so I don't get in =
God:Ok, let's work the problem backwards. Tell me why I should let =
Since the list of why to NOT let you in seems a bit on the long side, I =
have to assume the short list of what you did correctly should speed =
He stepped back and the onlookers took their sites on me. I again was =
speechless. Images in my mind raced for something to offer. Everything =
could come up with as an accomplishment seemed to be trivial in regards =
getting into heaven. A few thoughts came to the front of my mind, and as =
looked at me and shook his head slowly I knew they would count for =
Me:You know this is stupid. Why don't you just tell me what I was =
do so I can say I'm sorry and we can get on with the ass kicking that I =
know is coming.
God: Well, like I said, show me something. Show me a consistent =
follow me. I am not saying you turned to a preacher and led others along =
But show me where you had some conscious effort to do the right things =
cost. I mean you had 36 years to just get started. If you had even begun =
week with a whole heart, I would have something to work with. But these =
hearted attempts at reading my book when you were down and out hardly =
a genuine effort.
I could find nothing. the pool raced back and forth along my =
Glimmers of passion to the word of God seemed to be swallowed up by =
and darkness. he let me wander through my life for hours. But in the end =
words came to mind to explain my position on anything I had done.
Me:OK, I get it! I blew it. I had all those years to try and turn it =
To start to turn it around. But why tell me now? What the hell can I do =
now? I mean we could have summed this up in a few hour conversation if =
wanted to. You could have just sat me down and said,"Hey man, your dead! =
looked at your records and I don't see much here that looks promising. =
want into heaven,give a little something to go with here" I could have =
I didn't have any new information and we could have spared us all a lot =
and me a lot of heartache realizing I lost my chance. You could have =
the frustrations of having to look at a life wasted and gone by for =
could have saved me the embarrassment of this whole ordeal. And finally, =
sick to my gut feeling that I now have knowing that I could have turned =
around at anytime and done the right thing. But as usual I am a day late =
dollar short. So, dear Lord, if you are just going to stand there and =
me. If you are going to give me no explanations. if you are just going =
my new found suffering. let me ask you one thing. One question before =
me down into the fires of hell itself........
What is the lesson?!? Why tell me all this and point out all my =
show me how close I came to heaven just to be cast away like trash? I =
do all this if I am dead?
He took his glasses off and I could see the anger in his eyes.
God:You idiot. Who said you were dead!
I woke up in a sweat. Tears running down my face. It was midnight. My =
was racing. I was weak, like I had not eaten in days. I looked out my =
the city that was still racing by. I reached to my nightstand for my =
hand stopped and I reached down and opened the drawer. There was my =
picked it up. I opened it up to the front inside cover. There was a =
picture of dark glasses and a small script that had never been there=20
" LOL......... You idiot! Now go. And the next time we talk I expect =
be able to hold up your part of the conversation"