Some things are simply irreplaceable
by James Snyder
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HIRE THIS WRITER
I was having a wonderful time and everything seemed to be going like clockwork. Then I got out of bed. I thought I was awake but I was only acting. I remember getting out of bed and shuffling off to the kitchen and pouring a cup of coffee in my favorite coffee mug. I have had this coffee mug as far back as I can remember. I never start a day out without a good old cup of Joe in my favorite coffee mug.
Suddenly, there was a sharp pain coming from my right foot and then it seemed like it was on fire.
I looked down only to see my favorite coffee mug smashed on my favorite right foot and my toes dancing some kind of exotic jig. My coffee mug was beyond repair, but my right foot was another story.
I am not sure how I am going to start my day anymore without my favorite mug. Sure, I could get another one, but it would not be the same. Some things cannot be replaced for any amount of money. Of course, offer me $1 million for that cup, and see how I forget that cup.
If you stop to think of it, and who has time to think about anything these days, some things are absolutely replaceable. I, for instance, shall always cherish fond memories of my favorite morning coffee cup.
I could either bemoan my loss or drink my morning coffee from a substitute. I know a substitute is never quite the same, but at least it gets the job done of getting the all-important caffeine into my system.
I had just adjusted to using my new coffee cup when I heard some very disturbing news.
Whenever I feel upbeat and cheerful I always know what to do. It is rather simple. I always turn to the news. Nothing can bring me down to earth faster than the latest news broadcast. These men and women are trained to deliver to you and me bad news.
What in the world would they do if a day... or an hour... would go by without anything terrible happening in the world? Of course, we all know what they do. They would make up the news and follow a balloon.
I am not sure I believe anything I hear on the news broadcast. How do I know what is really happening? It used to be that you could trust good ole uncle Walter, but those days have gone by the way of the hula-hoop.
Here is the thing that disturbed me so terribly. Personally, I think it is a hoax. Then, what if it really is true.
This past week we celebrated Groundhog Day. One of the great holidays of the year, as far as I am concerned. I celebrate this day by going out and purchasing a fresh apple fritter. With all of the reverence that goes into celebrating this special holiday, I carefully and reverently dedicate the eating of that apple fritter to Groundhog Day.
Such sacred days deserve special remembrance.
Then, to bring my world crashing around me, some newscaster reported that there was a plot underway to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robot.
I know what you are thinking! Such blasphemy should carry with its severe criminal penalties.
However, somebody with his hatband just a little bit too tight suggested that Groundhog Day celebration was a terrible hardship on the groundhog populace. For some reason he thought, the groundhogs being awakened early on Groundhog Day created some kind of a mental hardship on the little furry creatures.
Just how that person knew about mental hardship on animals escaped the reporter's report. Somehow, these people believe that severe atrocities are taking place among the groundhog population because they are being awakened out of a midwinter’s sleep.
How do they know, but just maybe those groundhogs enjoy being aroused out of their sleep to bask in the sunshine of all that attention? What other animal enjoys such notoriety? Hollywood celebrities excepted, of course.
Supposing this is a real problem. How in the world did they come up with their solution of replacing groundhogs with robots? What would these robots do the rest of the year?
We know what groundhogs do the rest of the year.
With all the problems in the world, somebody has taken the time to think groundhogs have a problem with Groundhog Day and have even come up with the solution.
The next thing you know somebody will come up with the suggestion to replace people with robots. And right here is where I have some suggestions to offer myself.
First off, I think we ought to replace all politicians with robots. The robots I have in mind are battery operated so that eventually these robots will run down. I have often been tempted to run down a politician, but this might be a better way. If anybody is under mental distress, these people are.
Then, I think all TV news reporters who report on hoaxes should be replaced by robots. After all, all they do is read something off a telemarketer. A well-trained and oiled robot could do the very same thing.
Some things certainly cannot be replaced. Personally, I take refuge in the unchangeable Christ of the Bible. "Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever." (Hebrews 13:8 KJV).
It is nice to know something is absolutely irreplaceable.
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Good observations. I'm one of those wondering why they bother with Groundhog Day. My life seems a lot happier without watching TV. Always enjoy your humor.