“Oops! I did it again” the C D player blasted Britney Spears’s song with a rather deafening volume but Sidney was not dancing to the beat nor was she singing along. Ironically, the song brought tears to her eyes.
“How could I be such a fool again?” she asked the thin air, clutching her pillow hoping to derive strength from it
The home pregnancy test was lying carelessly on her bedside drawer. The test stick was bearing the bad news that Sidney for weeks had being hoping was not true. But it was: she was 4 weeks pregnant….again.
The events of the past year flashed passed her mind; Tom’s failed promises, her dropping out of school just to be with him, the abortion of her 1st baby just because he said they weren’t ready and now a month after she had gotten the strength to quit the disastrous relationship, she’s pregnant again for him.
Pregnant again for a guy who had cheated on her and lied countless times, Sidney just couldn’t understand how she got to this situation.
“Oops! I did it again,” the chorus continued as if mocking her for her carelessness and seeming stupidity. This time the threatening tears began to fall
There was no point calling home caused she ran away with Tom 6 months ago in the euphoria of being crazily in love.” Yeah! I was really crazy”, she said in a conversational tone to herself, sniffing.
“Oops! I did it again”, the CD blasted away as if confirming the crazy thought.
To further complicate this issue she had no money. She knew how much the last abortion cost because she had insisted that if she going to be under knife, she had better be under a very good professional knife. Now she had broken up with him she knew she couldn’t go back to ask him anything. Even though the baby is his, she knew what Tom’s reaction would be.
Just then, an invisible load seemed burdened on her shoulders and her head heavier than before. She dropped to the bed still clutching the pillow tighter praying that the load lifts, closing her to block the visions of her being in the operating room again, this time ,alone and defenseless. No hand to lean on when she gets out, no one to tell her it will be alright.
“Oops! I did it again”, the CD continued unrelenting.
In the mist of the horrible visions flashing pass her mind, a pleasant one passed. It was of one event long ago when she was six years old. She went for a Sunday school with grandma in Virginia.
The Sunday school teacher for the children’s department told the class a story of a prodigal son who ran away from home but after years of wandering, his father took him back with open forgiving arms. Somehow unexplainably to Sidney, she had loved the story and her grandma told it to her over and over as bedtime story. Grandma had said that no matter what you’ve done, no matter the number of times you’ve gone wrong, God is always willing to take you back.
But that was just a story to Sidney. Now, this is reality.
“Oops! I did it again” the last of the chorus fading…
With the fading of the chorus came a thought; what if the story wasn’t just a story? What if God does forgive us as often times as we err? What if people forgive you for all your frailty and are understanding enough to give you another chance even though you blew the second one you had.
What if it’s true? She asked herself sitting up wanting so much the little hope she saw.
Wanting that hope so bad, she wiped her tears and began to pack few things that she can call hers. Mentally calculating, she saw she could at least afford a train ticket to Virginia.
Yes! She did it again, but Sidney left the room holding on to a thin rope of hope. The hope that the story she had heard and loved was true and somehow, the peace in her heart said it was.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
Read more articles by Uzoamaka Eneli or search for articles on the same topic or others.