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Paying The Piper
by David Ian
01/19/10
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Just got the bills from the Emergency Room and subsequent X-Rays, CAT scans and other tests and such that were used in battling the pneumonia plague which struck late last fall. The bills have gone through the Health Plan and various differing things have been done with them before sending to me the bottom line.

Actually, I had some idea of what the “bottom line” would be since my Health Plan People sent me a statement, but it would appear that the people at Acme Health Plan enjoy sending inexplicable statements which seemingly say one thing but actually mean another, especially when it comes to what is owed, what is covered, what is not covered, what is applicable, what is not, what has been applied to a deductible, and what has or has not been deducted depending upon the phases of the moon.

So I waited for the bottom line statement from the Emergency Room billing people. They seem to be more sensible in sending statements. Boom. Money. You owe. Pay now. Never mind the moon. Pay!

Needless to say, even after all the coverage cleared an appreciable amount which would have been worrisome, there was still a substantial bit remaining that left me saying, “And… ? Any more deductions? You’re sure? Should we wait to the next New moon?”

And after all the treatments done, the bill creates a new meaning to the oft used medical phrase: “ouch”.

But still all and all, let’s look at what was done at this non-bargain price. The doctor described what I had in his medical terms as “weird pneumonia”. I kid you not, that was the official term that he called it, after reviewing the different pictures that were taken of it and personally listening to it and poking and prodding it himself. “Weird Pneumonia”.

Even his first battery of pneumonia killers didn’t work and so I had to see another doctor to author up another set of medicinal hit men to take care of the problem. Pneumonia in its extremes, can be deadly. It’s not documented what “Weird Pneumonia” can do. But thank heavens it is gone.

Well, not entirely. It is still, in a figurative sense, still around. It has left its mark. Its scarring, as it were. In the form of these billing statements I now have. I guess it’s the way of Weird Pneumonia getting the last laugh.

Maybe these will go away if I wait for the next New Moon…


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