So much life and it is only 10am. Ups and downs have already been mine in this brief part of the morning... Came up with a name for my studio.. Beyond The Lantern Studios. Wanted to incorporate something about Narnia but couldn't figure out how not to make it hooky. Those books have been so meaningful in my life. A goal I have as a photographer is to catch the "magic" in other people's lives. Going beyond the ordinary sit and pose.... Entering into their "wardrobe" of sorts. So there it is.
A bit of an up and down rollercoaster as I was going to have the opportunity to do a project that I really am looking forward to only then to see that opportunity blip off the screen. It is a setback but not an unmanageable one. So the doors that are to be open will be open just have to figure out what those are.
I am finding myself exceedingly more able to put many different things into my day. Where before when I had more time I didn't do half the things I am doing now.... I know that is the intentional aspect of thinking through the day deciding what needs to get done and not allowing myself any excuses.... those are a killer.... excuses... ugh.... I always gave myself too many outs.... and then I would just putter around the house and not concentrate or focus... I would play with the kids randomly .. clean randomly ... and I was left with this feeling... of well, it wasn't a lack of purpose but it was at times just more of a blah..
Whereas today I got up and from the moment my feet hit the floor I planned on being intentional..... got downstairs, helped Gregory with something... straightened kitchen up (I have realized that late night clean ups are not for me... so first thing in the am I go), listened to Jim read a book that we are going through (we have wanted to read a book together for such a long time... we never just put it into the schedule) So now once the younger kids are off and E and G are eating, Josh is getting ready and I'm cleaning the kitchen or making breakfast Jim reads. I can't tell you how great the feeling is to have that time. To think about how the things we have wanted to do for such a long time are really happening.
I took my vitamins, then said good bye to the guys.... from 8-9 is PLAY TIME... no distractions allowed (except for Wed when we have to be out for speech --but Monday and Tuesday and Friday a mandatory must.. sometimes meet friends for breakfast on Thursday am) Then it is nap time for E. I spend time with Gregory one on one .. put laundry in ... take it out.... then sit down and write..... (oh I added a new thing today... exercise... 10- 30 minutes and will work up from there).
So by 10:24 I have lived... really lived not puttered but lived..... what is the difference.. me.. my attitude... some of the actions are the very same but I am different.. .my attitude .. the way I proceed through the day with purpose ..... pursuing the things I want and not taking NO for an answer... I want time with my kids that is special, I want a more organized house, I want to write, take pictures, go to school, I want these things but I used to allow time to just slip by and not grab a hold of it.... I used to think oh I don't have the time for thus and so and now I realize that there is enough time for all... I just can't sit around and waste it..... When I want a moment to myself to not do anything or chat on the phone or take a break .. I write that into the day on the schedule of my mind..... but then I pick right back up and I continue with the tasks at hand.. where that used to be (look at me .. used to be... can you say used to be when it wasn't even 30 days ago)so difficult.. If I took a break and stopped what I was doing I lost the momentum and getting that back was always so hard.... truly sometimes it would even take days or weeks.. honestly..... I would be in a rhythm something would disrupt it and then it would take me forever to find it again...
I think it is that I was looking for that "feeling" that feeling of how I feel productive so I'll go do thus and so but it isn't about that..... it is about doing... I sit here at the computer and I don't instantly have an idea of what to write or what to say but I start... I start (smile to myself)
Now for some of you this is a dah moment .... not for me.... really not for me.... practical daily living was so hard.. it didn't come naturally to me... so to be living this life is amazing to me ... truly and simply amazing......
There are times when E wakes up early from a nap and something I really wanted to finish gets pushed off to another time but I just look at her face and I see her smile and that is that... the day continues ... and we move through it..... 29 days into this thing I am loving life.... the ups and the downs, the victories and the setbacks because no matter what the day is I am living it...... not just puttering through....