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Jonah, Best of Bible Sports part III
by Jacob Gibson 
11/18/09
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VII=<>*<>*<>={({( National Faithful League! )})}=<>*<>*<>=VII

Michael: Welcome back to the show! Thank you for your patience. Those commercials can take an eternity!

Gabriel: Yeah, it felt like several weeks to me! But itís actually only been 3 days since the unfortunate event. Last time, we saw Jonah get found out for his disobedience and then heaved overboard and swallowed by a whale with no chance of escape! Definitely something that wonít soon be forgotten. I have to say this story could be one of the best in Bible sports history.

Mike: Indeed. Now weíre just holding our breath to see when God will rescue Jonah. Weíre all rooting for the whale to release itís prisoner today.

Gabe: Ya know, I get a little sick when I try to think of how the whale could Ďreleaseí him. Thereís really only two options: teleported out by angels or... Iíd rather not say.

Mike: Mmhmmm. The Makerís creation is always amazing, often frightening, and sometimes fairly disgusting. You canít deny that Heís one creative God. One must think how much better nature would be if man hadnít sinned and brought a curse on the land. But praise His name that one day everything will be restored like Eden!

Gabe: Amen. Oh wait... something happening. I can hear the King speaking to the whale. Now itís beginning to look really sick. Itís swimming toward land... going up to shore and........

Both: EWWWWWWWWWWWW! GROSS!!

Mike: Nasty! And I thought the first part was bad! Watching something heave makes me want to do likewise. *sticks out tongue*

Gabe: So option 2 it is. *covers mouth and tries not to throw up*

Mike: However unsettling that was, ladies and gentlemen, the prophet is alive! Now... oh, we better listen.

The Lord: Arise, go to Ninevah, that great city, and preach to it the message that I tell you.

Gabe: Hallelujah! Praise the Lord Heís a God of second chances! Youíll be floored how his love and life enhances. You can be restored from your darkest circumstances. Our God is a god of second chances.

Mike: Thatís from a song, isnít it? I think Iíve heard it before. *sings* If you... believe... Godís love... is true... then you... should know... what you... should do! Yeah!

Gabe: Ha ha! Sorry. Now Jonah is getting up and cleaning himself off. Woah, check out his skin! I canít believe how bleached your skin can get when youíre in a whale for 3 days! Donít try to wash your clothes that way.

Mike: Back to the event. Jonah is finally heading to Ninevah and weíre back where we started. Heís not running at full speed this time though. Doesnít seem too excited to go.

Gabe: That, or because of what heís been through. But if I were him you would see me run like thereís no tomorrow! Who wants another Ďspankingí?

Mike: Looks like a long journey. Ninevah is an exceedingly great city and it could take him a day to get there and two days just to pass through it. So... *sighs* one more commercial break should do it. See ya soon, folks. Stay tuned. Gabe, you wanna race me in some chariots of fire through space?

Gabe: Always do! Letís ask Elijah if he wants to join.

*commercial break*

Gabe: Here we go. The moment weíve waited for. Jonah has finally entered the city. I canít contain the excitement!

Jonah (shouts): Listen to me, you people! Yet forty days, and Ninevah shall be overthrown!

Mike: Holy smokes! Can you believe this? The people are reacting immediately. Look... every single one of them is putting on sackcloth and fasting. Itís a new record for repentance! Amazing. Why couldnít Israel or Judah repent like that?

Gabe: Word is traveling to the king. Wow! Heís putting on sackcloth too and sitting in ashes!

King of Ninevah: I proclaim this to all of Ninevah! Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste aything; do not let them eat, or drink water. But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily to God; yes, let every one turn from his evil way and from the violence that is in his hands. Who can tell if God will turn and relent, and turn away from His fierce anger, so that we may not perish.

Gabe: Iíve just got word that the Lord... is NOT going to destroy them! Yes! Yes! Yes!

*all of the angels in heaven rejoice and praise God with a loud voice*

Mike: Glorious music to our ears! Hallelujah! This is definitely a great moment in history. Iím so glad this has a happy ending. A minor prophet with major profits.

Gabe: For them yes....... Mike, I hate to say it but Jonah doesnít look too happy about this. Why is he so upset?

Jonah: Ah, Lord, was not this what I said when I was still in my country? Therefore I fled previously to Tarshish; for I know that You are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, One who relents from doing harm. Therefore now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die thant to live!

Mike: So thatís why he ran away! Not fear but indifference or apathy! Can you believe this?

Gabe: No I canít! Whatís wrong with him? Excuse me for saying this but what a selfish hypocrite!

The Lord: Is it right for you to be angry?

Gabe: It shouldnít be! Sorry, Iím talking for him. Jonah is leaving the city frustrated and now sitting on the east side of it. Nowís he making a shelter and sitting in it. Do you think heísó

Mike: Yes I do. *frowns* Waiting and hoping God will destroy the city. A successful prophet who doesnít care about these people or want them to be rescued like he was? Unbelievable.

Gabe: Look! The Lord is making a plant grow over him to give him shade, like Heís trying to comfort him. Jonah looks happy about that. Does he need a pillow too? *rolls eyes*

Mike: How long is he going to wait there? If I was human I would be craving sleep by now. Do we have to do yet another commercial break? *groans*

Gabe: No, I know some magic tricks I MEAN!... slight-of-hand that Iíll show the audience. Watch closely now.

Mike: *groans again*

*the next day*

Gabe: And you see! The rings are perfectly balanced, these are the cards you picked, the newspaper is now in one piece, the silver coin disappeared and the golden reappeared, a coney came out of my hat, I escaped from the box hurtling towards the sun...

Mike: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Hold it! Jonahís finally awake. He stayed there the whole night.

Gabe: And now hereís the Kingís slight-of-hand. He made a worm appear and now itís making Jonahís plant disappear by eating it. Hee hee hee... sorry, I shouldnít laugh.

Mike: Now Heís making a violent east wind blow in his direction and the sun is beating on his poor head. I hope he decides to leave now.

Jonah: It is better for me to die than to live.

The Lord: Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?

Jonah: It is right for me to be angry, even to death!

The Lord: You have had pity on the plant for which you have not labored, nor made it grow, which came up in a night and perished in a night. And should I not pity Ninevah, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot discern between their right hand and their leftóand much livestock?

Mike: Bummer, that looks like the end of the story. What an unexpected turnout! Jonah disobeys God and runs away and God disciplines him, God spares Jonah and then Ninevah, and the guy is unhappy! A little disappointing but definitely exciting and glorious.

Gabe: Yeah, thatís right. One can learn much from it. We should obey the Lord at all times, all people deserve the Lordís mercy, and we should do everything we can to tell people about His mercy and be grateful for their repentance. A lot of good stuff in a short story.

Mike: Well, I enjoyed our time together, buddy... most of it. *grins* Thank you for watching and stay tuned next time for our next exciting adventure in the NFL: Best of Bible Sports. Good bye and God bless!

Gabe: Yep. Until then.

*both smile and music plays*

Gabe: What do ya mean, Ďmost of it?í

Mike: You were doing slight-of-hand for 12 hours straight!

Gabe: I just know a lot of fun tricks!

Mike: And I enjoy them but... not for that long! The one thing you couldnít do was make me stop whining.

Gabe: You didnít want another commercial break!

Mike: Maybe I would have liked that better!

Gabe: Oh really? I suppose you would like a new co-host better too?

Mike: No! Youíre fine! All Iím saying is sometimes you can be...

~~~~THE END~~~~

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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