Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!



 
The Word for Writers PLEASE ENCOURAGE THE AUTHOR BY COMMENTING

  LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE   SEND A PRIVATE MESSAGE
  HIRE THIS WRITER
REPORT ARTICLE

 TRACK THIS AUTHOR ADD TO MY FAVORITES
corner
What's New
 
corner
 
A Parable and a pretzel
by Julie Michaelson
11/08/09
For Sale
Author requests article critique


  Mail
 





But,
when
he had spent all,
there arose a ..famine
in that land,...
and he went..
to feed swine.
[Luke 15:14-15]
************************
(Lying on the couch.)
(Arm above head,
on pillow.)
(Open Bible,
with a cat sitting
on it, off to one side.)
(A bag of pretzels
on the other.)
"LORD?
Can I CRITIQUE YOU?"

[LOVING GAZE.]
[SMILE.]
[PATIENT NOD.]
"Yes,
Mein kin'der."

"Well......."
(Take a pretzel
out of bag.)
(Munch.)
(Take out a second
pretzel; point it
up to the ceiling.)
"You know what
the PROBLEM,
with this STORY is?"

[NOD.]
"Go on."

(Peer into pretzel bag.)
(Get another pretzel.)
"Wait;
don't RUSH ME!"

[CHUCKLE.]
[GLANCE TO HIS RIGHT.]
[NODDING.]

(Grab another pretzel.)
"First of all......
You need to NAME
all these GUYS!"

"Who."

"The ones,
in the STORY!"

"Which One,
My beloved."

(Shout.)
"THIS ONE!
THE ONE ABOUT
THE CALF!"

[NODDING.]
"Ah."

(Irritated squirm.)
"NO!
NOT THAT ONE!"
(Shake head, irritably.)
"Not the GOLDEN one!
THIS one!"

"Read It
to Me,
beloved."

(Pause, with
hand in the
pretzel bag.)
"LORD?
Which VERSION
of the Bible,
do You PREFER?"

"Mine,
child.
Go on."

(Thoughtful nod.)
"Yeah;
here:

Then He said,
A certain man
had two sons.
And, the yonger
of them said to
his father,
'Father, give me
the portion of goods
that fall to me...'
...not many days after,
...journeyed to a far
country, and ....
wasted his possessions
with prodigal living.
[Luke 15:11-13]

THAT one!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Go on."

"Well.....ONE 'a
the problems with it,
is the lack of NAMES!"

[CALM NODDING.]
[GAZE AT THE FURIOUS
HURRICANE FORMING
IN THE ATLANTIC.]

"You should'a given
everbody, a NAME!"
(Sip some root beer.)
(Burp.)
"...Would'a made it,
more PERSONAL!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]
[LISTENING TO THE
WORLD-WIDE NEWS.]

"Like....JOE!
Or,
BOB!"

[GLANCE TO HIS
RIGHT, AGAIN.]
[GENTLE CHUCKLING
CAN BE HEARD,
FROM THE RIGHT THRONE.]
"Oy vey."

"Or,
RALPH!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"What else,
Mein kin'der."

(Hold up a pretzel,
for cat to lick.)
"And....
Ya know what
SHAKESPEARE SAID
ABOUT COMIC RELIEF,
LORD!"

[SOLEMN NOD.]
"What else,
o'beloved."

(Peer into pretzel
bag, again.)
(Munching.)
"LACK OF SYMPATHETIC
CHARACTERS!"

[GAZE INTENTLY
AT HURRICANE
IDA, AGAIN.]
"How so,
My child."

"The thing is.."
(Munch.)
"Every story's gotta
have a sympathetic
CHARACTER!"
(Stare up at ceiling.)
"Or else, the READER's
not gonna be able to
IDENTIFY!"
(Shrug.)
"Do Ya see what
I MEAN?"

[CALM NOD.]
[TURN TO HIS RIGHT.]
[HUMOROUS GLANCE.]
[NOD.]
"Go on."

"NOBODY likes
the YOUNG GUY:
he's an irresponsible
SLOB!"

"Hm, hm."

"And....the OLDER
BROTHER!
ECH!
He's too PETTY!
And...JEALOUS!
NOBODY likes
him,
EITHER!"

[NODDING TO
SOME ANGEL HOLDING
A REQUEST NOTE
ON A PLATE.]
[GAZE BACK DOWN
UPON CHILD SIPPING
ROOT BEER AND BURPING.]
"Go on."

"And....the FATHER!"

[PAUSE.]
[FROWN.]
[FAR OFF RUMBLE.]
[ANOTHER PAUSE.]
"What about
the father,
Mein kin'der?"

(Thoughtful munching.)
"He's......
he's, eh......."
(Munch.)
(Squint.)
(Yell at the ceiling plaster.)
"He's..TOO..MEAN TO ANIMALS!"

[PATIENT FROWN.]

"All that stuff,
about the FATTED CALF!
ECH!
THAT'S DISGUSTING!
ECH!"

[LOUDER RUMBLE.]

(Even louder shout.)
"WELL?
IT IS!
He just had this
poor little CALF,
SLAIN?
ECH!
Too bad, the PETA* GUYS
weren't THERE! THEY
WOULD'A THROWN
A BUCKET 'A PAINT
AT HIM!"

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
[NODDING.]
[VERY SOLEMN VOICE.]
"And,
what does
this story
teach you,
Mein kin'der."

(Grab another pretzel.)
(Roll up bag.)
(Open bag, again.)
(Take another pretzel.)
"I dunno."
(Munch.)
"All I know is,
I don't LIKE IT!"

[PATIENT FROWN.]

(Chew on another pretzel.)
"It's too GRIM!"
(Munching.)
"....Except,
for the part about
the PIGS!
That's OKAY!"

[SHAKING HEAD WITH
EXTREME PATIENCE.]
[KEEPING AN EYE ON
APPROACHING EYE
OF IDA.]
"Then,
child."

(Crunch.)
"WHAT?"

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
"I want you
to read It,
again."
********************
Your brother has come,
and because he has
received him safe
and sound.
[Luke 15:27]

__________________
*'People for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals'.








If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

Read more articles by Julie Michaelson or search for articles on the same topic or others.


Read More - Free Reprints, Main Site Articles, Most Read Articles or highly acclaimed Challenge Articles. Read Great New Release Christian Books for FREE in our Free Reads for Reviews Program. Christian writers can JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and help spread the Gospel.


The opinions expressed by authors do not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.

Hire a Christian Writer, Christian Writer Wanted, Christian Writer Needed, Christian Content Needed
Find a Christian Editor, Hire a Christian Editor, Christian Editor, Find a Christian Writer
 
corner
Corner
This article has been read 620 times     < Previous | Next >


Member Comments
Member Date
Carol Penhorwood  10 Nov 2009
Very cleverly done!
jason taylor 09 Nov 2009
Actually, I always felt rather sorry for the elder brother and thought we all give him a rather bad rap. He did stay on the farm all this time doing the work of two. And in the original the Father gently remonstrated with him. The elder brother was not rebuked like the pharisees; he was still a son in the story but that is forgotten in latter sermons. Besides he doesn't even get to have the parable named after him.




TRUST JESUS TODAY














Free Audio Bible
500 Plus Languages
Faith Comes By Hearing.com