Iím thinking too much, I have too many problems, I have too much time on my hands since my illness and on it goes.
Iím alive but who really cares? Why does everything hurt, my head hurts, my body hurts, my feelings are hurt, my life in general hurts me. I canít seem to bring a smile to my face or anyone elseís. Where has my happiness gone? Why canít I find it? Do I even care if I find it? I donít think anyone else cares if I find it.
I used to love my life, the business of it, waking up each morning to greet a new day, to greet whatever God had planned for me that day. Whatís wrong with me now? I no longer wish to greet a new day at all. I want all of my life to be over and done with. No more new days, please for Godís sake stop the business! I donít want to do anything, just let me be. Leave me alone!
Does this sound familiar to you? Iíve been to the dark pit of depression; I have considered suicide as an option to end the madness in my life, what I perceived as madness at the time. I bought into the lie of suicide, satans lie, his option for me. Then out of the darkness I sought help in the form of Christian counseling, this put me back on the road to the happiness God had planned for my life.
Have you ever heard of PTSD, known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? My life was broken into pieces by PTSD, I had too many changes in my life in a short period of time and had suffered a great trauma through illness. This is my story but PTSD is not exclusive to illness. Trauma such as our military see every day can lead to PTSD. One must seek help to survive, to recoup the life they had and can have once again.
Suicide is satans option, never Godís. God would have us to live happy productive lives. The dark helplessness in life comes from satan, the one who will use any tactic he can to end the life of a child of God, or anyone. Suicide is a lie from the pit of hell, it is meant to stop your life and by stopping your life, the lives of others, of loved ones, are left undone, forever changed because you are no longer there to impact their lives.
God wants you to survive, to fight for your life. Pray, seek God, seek help, keep going, be determined to leave the lie of suicide behind. God never promised any of us that life would be easy. This world we live in is ramped with evil, its everywhere. Its in the streets we live on, its in the work place, its in our childrenís schools, when we turn on the television or radio, its there, answering the telephone can bring evil to our ears, the places we see evil are endless and evil has a loud voice. When enough evil is let into our lives we as Christians become desensitized to it. The line between good and evil, right and wrong blurs and if left unchecked will overtake our life, leading to suicidal thoughts.
Keeping close to God and His word will remind us where the line lies. Once we recognize evil for what it is, when we can see the devastation that it brings, then and only then can we apply Godís word to it, speaking to it and overcome it.
Dark days will become a part of our past and the sun will again shine bright in our lives.