When I heard that my first grandchild was on the way, I purchased a rocker; envisioning hours of rocking and cuddling.
Didn’t happen.
She was born in Canada, moved to Texas, back to Canada and then various other parts of the United States. Never quite close enough for that rocking. So I was really ready when six years later #2 grandchild was on the way. Plans were put in motion for my daughter to move to my town so I could be “labor coach”. I would be rocking this one.
I was there at his birth. Held Alex within minutes. When it was time for mom and baby to go home, I was the one who strapped that little human being into the huge car seat and drove them home. I stayed with them through the first night, making sure everything went ok.
Every day, when I drove to exercise, I would stop by on the way home and rock Alex. We were bonding as I loved and cuddled. Some days she would bring him by for me to watch while she took college classes. That’s when I would get to use my purchase…my rocker.
One day, when she brought him by, I placed him on the floor with some toys. On my way to get my ironing board, I very clearly received a message.
“Say goodbye to Alex”.
Why? Where was he going? I went to get the iron.
“Say goodbye to Alex” came again.
Totally not understanding why, I abandoned all thoughts of doing anything but being with Alex. We played on the floor together. We ate together. We sang and played patty cake. And when it was time for his nap, I rocked him to sleep and held him the entire time he slept. When he awoke, his big brown eyes just looked into mine and we drank deeply from each other for probably 30 minutes.
I said, “Goodbye”.
When his mommy picked him up, I had no clue the direction my life was about to take. Alex’s mommy called me the next day and explained I was being cut off. She was denying me access. I was no longer welcome in her home.
One day, when I called to see if she would talk to me, the message said, “You have reached a number that has been disconnected”. Thinking maybe she hadn’t paid her bill, I drove to her apartment. No one lived there.
She had taken Alex and gone.
All of this was transpiring just as my husband and I were moving from a rented duplex into a new home…fifteen years ago.
What if I hadn’t listened to those words?
I am so very grateful for the leading I received that day. Being able to tell Alex “goodbye” has helped assure me God cares where he is and loves him too. When it has seemed the pain was too great to bear, I can remember holding him and looking deep into his eyes.
And now we are having a house built. In a few months we will be leaving this place of memories. I sit in the rocker. I’m thinking it’s time to move on…to give the rocker to someone who can make more memories with it.
So when it comes time to pack up this house, I plan to say “goodbye” again. To a piece of furniture. I’m sure I will have tears in my eyes. But the new house is a new era for us.
It’s time for me to “release” the rocker.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
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Oh Joy... sniff, sniff. Thank you for being so transparent, for writing the gut-wrenching words that come straight from your heart. Blessings to you dear girl, and to Alex too.
