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Double Trouble
by Julie Michaelson
10/18/09
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Then
the Jews
surrounded Him
and said
to Him,
'How long do
You keep us
in doubt?
If you are
the Christ,
tell us
plainly!'
[John 10:24]
*********************
"LORD?"

[NOD.]

(Suspicious squint.)
(Shout.)
"Is this,
JESUS?
Or....
the REAL GOD?"

[SMILE!]
"Why do
you wish
to know,
My child?"

(Frown!)
(Shake rumpled head.)
"I just like to know...
Ya know,
Who I'm TALKIN' to,
is all."

[CHUCKLE.]
"Ah!
I see."

"Yeah."
(Nod.)
"I'm glad
You understand,
Jesus."
(Look up at the ceiling.)
"I'm not trying
to be..
SASSY,
or anything."

[NOD.]

"I would never
do to that,
to You."

[WISE NOD.]

"I love to do
it,
with the BIG God,
though."

[BURST OUT LAUGHING!]

"It's actually
kind of....
..fun."

[LAUGHING!]
"Yes,
I know,
My precious."

"Yeah.
Ya know;
Him being Jewish,
and all.....
I enjoy sayin'
really sassy
stuff,
to Him."

[NODDING.]
[WIPING AWAY
TEARS OF
LAUGHTER.]
"He hears
everything,
My child."

"Oy gah veld."

[CHUCKLE!]

"So....HOW
does this WORK?"

"What,
My beloved?"

"This.....this,
Ya know:
this..LAYERED THING?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

(Look up, hopefully.)
"You can me,
JESUS!
I won't tell ANYBODY!
I SWEAR!"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"Don't swear,
child."

(Impatient shake of the head.)
"No! No!
That's just a SAYING, JESUS!
It's like......"
(Impatient sigh.)
"Like,
an English,
EXPRESSION!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

(Thoughtful silence.)
"Ya know;
maybe....
they should have
some ESL*
classes...
up, in HEAVEN."

[CHUCKLING.]

"I've tried to talk
to the Real God,
about that,
too."
(Shake head, frowning.)
"I don't think
He understands
HALF.. of what
I'm SAYIN',
half the TIME!"

"He understands
everything,
My child."

(Shaking head, impatiently.)
"Yeah...YEAH!
In...HEBREW,
MAYBE!"

[PATIENT SIGHING.]
"Child...."

"OR......in,
LATIN!
Or...that,
King JAMES stuff!"

[PATIENT GAZE,
ON CRANKY CHILD
SIPPING A BOTTLE
OF WALMART ROOT BEER.]

"BUT,
WHAT ABOUT AMERICAN?
HE NEEDS TO STUDY
AMERICAN,
MORE!"

[PATIENTLY LISTENING.]
[NODDING.]

"Why don't YOU
tell HIM,
JESUS?
I don't want to
get into any more
TROUBLE,
with 'im!"

"What sort
of trouble,
My beloved?"

"PLEASE!
HE could gimme,
all SORTS of
TSORIS**!
I mean....
TROUBLE!
DOUBLE TROUBLE!"

[CHUCKLING.]

"Ya know.....
sort'a like,
YOU GUYS!"

[BURST OUT LAUGHING!]
"I understand,
My precious.
I understand."
**********************
My sheep
hear
My Voice,
and
I know them,
and
they
follow Me.
[John 10:27]

________________________
*English as a Second Language
**Yiddish.





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