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Witnessing and vitnez'ing Part 1
by Julie Michaelson
10/15/09
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For
I am not
ashamed
of the gospel
of Christ,
for it is the
power of God
to salvation
for everyone
who believes,
for the
Jew,
first
and also
the Greek.
[Romans 1:16]
***********************
"Sit down, Beth,
I got some homework
to do."

(Light up a cigarette.)
"SO?
DO it!"
(Pause.)
(Get up to walk to the
bathroom.)
(Click-click of high heels.)
(Come back, with a small
paper cup.)
(Let out a whiff of smoke.)
"So.......WHAT'S THIS
new COURSE....
you're TAKING?"

"Romans."

(Inhale cigarette.)
(Puff.)
"ROMANS?
Didn't you take HISTORY
as your MAJOR....
back, at PENN STATE?
What: are you TAKING
IT, AGAIN?"

"No! No!"

"Well....THAT'S good."
(Puff.)
"It didn't do you that
much good, the LAST
TIME, you took it."
(Puff.)
(Puff.)

(Impatient sigh.)
"LISTEN, Beth.....!"

(Puff.)
"Except, for that matzo-ball,
you married........."
(Smirk!)
(Puff. Puff.)
(Chuckle.)

"BETH!"
(Sigh!)

(Laughing.)
(Puff. Puff.)
(Smirk!)
"Yeah....go ON....."
(Check really expensive
watch.)
"Listen; I got a WAX,
in an hour, so......if,
we can hurry this UP,
a little........."
(Puff.)

"Okay! LISTEN!"

(Smirk!)
"So......WHAT WAS
THE NAME OF THAT
WOMAN HE was,
SCHTUPPING*?"
(Laugh!)
(Laugh!)
(Puff.)

"BETH! IT ISN'T FUNNY!"

(Woeful face.)
"Sorry."
(Puff.)
"Do you FORGIVE ME?"
(Dramatically woeful face.)
(Reach over with beautifully
manicured hand
not holding the cigarette,
to touch cousin,
briefly, on her
unmanicured hand.)
"I'm SORRY!
That WASN'T NICE.
Do YOU FORGIVE me?"
(Puff.)

"Yes! Yes! YES!
I'm a CHRISTIAN, now!
We're SUPPOSED to
FORGIVE!"
(Impatient sigh!)

"Oy."
(Puff.)
(Squint, slightly.)
"What are you.....
like,
a BORN AGAIN?"

"Yes!
Yes!
That's EXACTLY...
what I am!"

(Roll eyes.)
(Fidgit with high-heel.)
(Puff.)
(Puff.)
"Oy. It's a good thing,
your MOTHER isn't here."
(Immediately put beautifully
manicured hand, up
towards the ceiling.)
"GOD REST HER SOUL!"

(Sigh!)
"WILL YOU LISTEN?"

(Fidgit with other red,
high-heel.)
(Puff.)
"Yeah. Yeah;
go on."
(Look at expensive watch,
again.)
"The shop is across TOWN...."
(Puff.)
(Shrug.)
"I hate the TRAFFIC...
but, she's the BEST......"
(Puff.)
(Reach over to touch
cousin on the hand, again.)
"GO ON.....I was INTERRUPTING,
sorry."
(Puff.)
"Go on, sweetheart."
(Serious squint.)
(Puff.)

"LISTEN!"
(Impatient sigh.)
"WELL."
(Take out a big sheet of
paper.)
(Draw big, huge,
lopsided, oval circle,
with felt-tipped marker.)
"NOW......this is an EGG....."

(Take a puff.)
(Serious squint, with green-
shaded contact lenses.)
"A what....?
An EGG?"

(Nod!)
(Finish drawing 'egg'.)
"Now, WATCH!"

"Sweetheart,
THIS is what THEY'RE
TEACHING you?"
An EGG?
HOW much, did you PAY
for this COURSE?"

(Drawing smaller circles,
inside the egg.)
(Squint.)
"Nothing. Just, the BOOK."

(Roll eyes.)
(Puff.)
(Take off left red high-heel.)
(Check chipped toe-nail polish.)
"Oy! I'm going to have to
have my FEET done, TOO!
DAMN!"

"BETH!"

"Sorry, SWEETHEART!"
(Peer down, solemnly,
at big sheet of paper.)
(Puff.)
(Peer down, again,
at chipped-toe-nail.)
(Frown!)

"LOOK!"

"Yeah, yeah.....
NU**?
Yeah, I SEE it!
The EGG!"

"RIGHT!"
(Look at cousin, hopefully.)
"Right!
Do ya SEE this?"

(Nod, squinting just a bit
with green-shaded-contact-
lenses.)
(Puff.)
"Yeah.
I SEE it."
(Stare at cousin, as if
she just went out of her mind.)

"THIS is GOD!"

(Squint down, curiously,
at big egg, drawn sort of
lopsidedly, on the big
sheet of paper.)
(Peer back up, at meshuga***
cousin.)
"This is God."
(Puff.)
(Nod.)
(Peer closely at cousin's
plump face.)
"So.....HOW MUCH,
did you PAY for that
BOOK?"

"BETH! LISTEN!
THIS is my HOMEWORK!"

(Nod.)
(Stare at once-normal-cousin.)
(Puff.)
"Okay.
God is an egg."
(Puff.)
"Is that IT?"

"WELL......it's MORE
COMPLICATED,
that THAT......"

(Puff.)
(Nodding.)
(Slip high-heel, back on.)
"Sweetheart.......LISTEN
to ME........"
(Slow puff.)
"Marty's best FRIEND,
is the one of the BEST
psycho-THERAPISTS,
in Brynn Mar......."
(Puff.)
"I think, we should have
you TALK to HIM........"

"BETH!
I'M NOT GOING TO PHILLY!"

(Shrug.)
"Maybe, we can arrange
one of those.....what do you
call it......one of those
TELE-CONFERENCES..."

"Will you LISTEN?"

"Yes......
Yes...... sweetheart.
God is an egg."
(Puff.)
(Green-shaded-eye-stare.)
(Take last puff.)
(Get up to go into the bathroom.)
(Click-click of high-heels.)
(Silence.)
(Toilet flushing.)
(Click-click of heels.)
"Well......I gotta GO......"
(Glance, again,
at expensive watch.)
"The TRAFFIC, at this
time of DAY......"
(Shake pretty hair, in
frustration over thoughts
of city traffic.)

"I'm not DONE, YET!"

(Nodding.)
"I get the picture, honey."
(Look in mirror, fixing
perfect hair.)
(Frowning.)
"God is an egg."
(Roll eyes.)
"Honey.....I'm going to
call Marty, on the way.....
and get him to set up
a conference with Lowell,
for you......."

"You shouldn't DRIVE,
while using your CELL PHONE,
BETH!"

"SWEETHEART.....I put
it on SPEAKER....."
(Touch cousin, on the hand.)
"Don't WORRY....."

(Sigh!)
"But.....I haven't finished
WITNESSING to YOU,
YET!"

(Sigh.)
(Search for pack of cigarettes,
in small, yet very expensive
purse.)
"Honey.....I've seen all,
that I need to see....
tomorrow, I'll CALL YOU,
about that tele-CONFERENCE.
OKAY?"
(Kiss.)
"And......DON'T WORRY!
WE'LL PAY FOR IT!"
(Deep sigh.)
"I KNOW, things have been
TOUGH FOR YOU...
since, that SCHMUCK.....!"

"BETH!"

(Kiss the air.)
"Bye, sweety."
(Kiss.)
"Get some REST."
(Kiss.)
"We'll TALK!"

(Take out noisy keys.)
(Click-click.)
(Door shuts.)

(Slump in chair.)
(Sigh.)
(Let hand, holding
big pad of paper,
drop to the floor.)
(Yell, rather disheartenly,
at the closed door.)
"I HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD YA,
ABOUT THE YOLK, YET!"
(Stare down at her
lopsided 'egg' picture,
on the big sheet of
white paper.)
(Whisper, wearily.)
"Oy vey."
(Look up, suddenly.)
(Talking to herself.)
"What was THAT?
A HORN?
Who's playing a HORN,
at THIS hour: my
new...NEIGHBOR?
Ha! You'd think,
she'd be too busy-busy,
with her new BOYFRIEND...
to be taking up playing
any new musical INSTRUMENTS!"
(Laugh!)
"Weird....."

* * * * * * * *
A few minutes later,
the big pad of paper
is lying on the floor,
next to a small pile
of clothes...and,
one pair of white
tennis shoes.

(To be continued.)
***********************
You shall
be witnesses
to Me
in Jerusalem,
and in all Judea
and Samaria,
and to
the
end
of the
earth.
[Acts 1:8]

_____________________
*Yiddish: Reader can
figure it out.
**Yiddish: "So? What's
this about?"
***Yiddish: 'Crazy';
'looney-tunes'.

______________
To Celia

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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