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Am I saved or confused?
by Julie Michaelson
10/14/09
For Sale
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If you confess
with your
mouth
the Lord Jesus
and believe
in your heart
that God
has raised Him
from the dead,
you will be
saved.
[Romans 10:9]
*********************
"I just came back,
from my ROMANS
class...
LORD."

[NODDING.]
[SOLEMN NOD.]
"Good,
My child."

(Bite into a raspberry
popsicle.)
"I think that PAUL
liked to write,
as much as I DO...
except,
he didn't have a
sense 'a HUMOR."

[LAUGH!]
[JOYFUL SMILE!]

"Yeah."
(Grimmace!)
"Yeah, he sure
liked to go ON...
and ON...
DIDN'T HE?"

[PATIENT NOD.]
[DELIGHTED SMILE!]
"Read It
to Me,
child."

(Whiny, nasal voice*.)
"The WHOLE THING?
Lord......
PLEASE!
Haven't You
tortured me,
ENOUGH,
for one LIFE?"

[LAUGHING.]
"Read It
to Me."

"Don't they
LET YOU,
have any BIBLES,
up THERE?"

[LAUGHING!]
"Read
to Me,
My beloved."

(Grimmace!)
"But....I've
already TOLD
Ya, LORD!
The only PART
I LIKE,
OUTTA Y'ur
WHOLE BOOK,
is JONAH!"

[BURST OUT LAUGHING!]

"And,
THAT'S just
because,
there's a
WHALE,
in IT!"

[NOD.]

"AND,
some...
JEWISH HUMOR!"

[CHUCKLING.]
[SMILE!]

(Bite more melting
raspberry popsicle**.)
"They kept ARGUING,
tonight,
LORD!"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"Yeah;
I guess,
Ya heard that."
(Get up to open
refrigerator.)
(Get out 2nd
raspberry popsicle.)
"Yeah.....they were
ARGUING,
when I LEFT!"

[SMILE!]
[NODDING.]

(Sad shake of the head.)
"I think these
Christians are
really confused,
Lord."

[SMILE!]
[CHUCKLING!]

(Whiny screech.)
"NOW,
they're TELLING
me.....JESUS is LORD!"

[PATIENTLY LISTENING.]
[WATCH A DEER PATTER
ACROSS A LONELY ROAD,
IN THE TEXAS HILL COUNTRY.]

"But....
that...
He's NOT GOD!"
(Squint upwards.)
(Popsicle dripping.)

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

(Loud, whiny voice.)
"Then.....
WHO'S GOD?"

[WATCH ANOTHER DEER
JOIN THE FIRST ONE;
BOTH NOSE A SMALL,
SCRUBBY TREE.]
[RUMBLE.]
[FIRM VOICE.]
"Me,
child."

(Squint up at ceiling.)
(Bite into 2nd dripping
popsicle, over ceramic bowl.)
"Do YOU have
some kind 'a
PERSONALITY DISORDER?"

[CHUCKLING LOUDLY.]
"No.
No,
My beloved."

(Shake head, bewilderedly.)
"Are they MISHUGUNAH***?"

"Who,
child?"

"These FOLLOWERS,
of YOURS!"
(Gaze upwards, squinting.)
"Are they MISHUGUNAH?"

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
"You need to read
My Word,
child."

(Slurp on popsicle stick.)
"SURE!
JONAH!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Oy Vey."

(Shout to the ceiling.)
"YA WANT ME
TO READ IT,
TO YA,
LORD?"

[CHUCKLING.]

"MY FAVORITE
PART IS ABOUT
THE WHALE!"

[CHUCKLING.]
[SIGH.]
**********************
So
the Lord
spoke to
the fish
and it
vomited
Jonah
onto
dry
land.
[Jonah 2:10]

____________________
*Author is from northwest
Philadelphia.
**Non-diet kind.
***Yiddish: 'Crazy';
'Mixed-up'; 'Looney-tunes'.

_______________
To all the
great ladies,
in Denise's
Precepts class.



If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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