I hear you. Why can't I open my mouth. I can't open my eyes. I'm just here, listening. I want to hold you all. I feel your pain. I've felt your tears dripping on my hands and face. I love you too. I just can't seem to open my mouth and say the words. I'm stuck. I didn't know I was that important to you all. I thought you all just took me for granted. Now I see that my life did make a difference to you. Weeks ago, I'd never believe that in a few weeks, I'd be here, in this hospital, stuck, unable to reach you. Oh Lord, that I could just move and let them know I hear them. If only I could just speak one sentence. If only I could just say, “I love you all.”
My children, I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk with you again. If there's one thing I've left with you, I hope it's the ability to look to God to fulfill your every need. You can go on with out me if you need to. You have God with you. I hope you'll treasure the things I taught you. I hope you'll heed the Word from which I've trained you up in. I hope you'll always read your Bible and obey it. I hope you'll remember how close God is to you at all times. I hope you'll always fellowship with Him. Don't be bitter at God, for It's not He who caused the accident. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy but Jesus comes to give life and give it more abundantly. Jesus will feel the emptiness that my departure would bring if I must depart from you so soon. He'll be a father to the motherless too.
Oh and my precious Husband. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I hope I wake up and gain the ability to move again. I feel so good when you hold my hand and read to me. I want to open my eyes. I want to be there for you. My heart is with you. Oh, my love, hold me in your arms again and never let me go. I just love hearing you talk to me. I love hearing your voice. For you, I'll try hard to open my eyes, or even make some kind of movement, so you know I'm still here. Our souls are knit together. You must know, that I hear you. Your prayers bring hope and encouragement. I'm ashamed that sometimes I just took you for granted. Now I know how precious you really are to me. I should have praised you more. I should have told you all the good that you were and ignored most of the things I got angry at or fussed about. It's all so silly and petty now. None of that even matters. In fact, now I'm laughing at it. Mad cause you'd tell me what to do when I was driving. I'd always say, “When you're driving, I let you drive, now I'm driving so let me drive or else I'll pull over and you can drive.” I should have said, “My love, I trust you. If it makes you feel better, I'll drive however you'd like me to when you are in the car with me. It's my way of saying, “I love you and I trust you.”
When you are in the situation that I'm in now, you realize what's important and what's not. The relationships are the important things. I could care less about my material things right now. What good are they too me now anyway. Words that you've spoken and values you've taught are the important things. Was I an example for you to follow? These are the things that matter now. I hope I awake from this State. I'll be a different woman if I come back to you all now. Lord, I love you. I can't wait to be with you, but at the same time, I want the opportunity to make more of a difference here on Earth before I come to you. I have much regret over petty words and silly things that didn't matter. Kids spilling juice on the carpet, a bad grade in school, one of the kids passing gas loudly in public and then laughing, I'd get so mad at all these things and it's all so petty now. If I had it to do again, I'd say, “Clean up the juice you spilled the best you can, the carpet is not nearly as important to me as you are.” “You are a smart kid, and I know you can do better than this. Let's work on it together and I know your grades will improve next semester. And as for the passing, gas, really... it was funny. I should have laughed with them, but then told them it's really not appropriate, let's not do it often. Oh, if I had those moments to live again.
And in the midst of all my imperfections, they still love me. They all want me back and I want them back too. Oh Lord, give me another opportunity. This has been a learning experience. I'll value them and I'll show them how much I value them. I show them your love, grace and forgiveness. Oh Lord, just one more chance. Please. I hear my husband praying over me. He prays with such force. He's telling me to open my eyes and look at him. If only I could. My love, I hear you but I...can't move. He's asking God for another chance to show His love to me. Oh my love, I want the same thing too.
Hey!!! My eyes are open. I can blink. “Thank you Jesus!” I spoke the words. “I love you all. I love you soooo much.” Oh how precious to be able to talk again. God has granted our request. I hope you all take this opportunity too and cherish those you love.
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