What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew And What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew.
I just heard a great program on Focus on the Family called “What husband wish their wives knew about husbands.” Dr. Dobson wrote a book called “What wives wish husbands knew about wives.” In addition, he was interviewing a lady who wrote a follow-up book called “For women only” about what wives need to know about their husbands. For both books they did extensive surveys to find out how women and men think, and as Dr. Dobson said, they did all that work only to prove that the Bible was correct. Let me ask you the reader the most telling question from the survey.
Of these two choices, which would you be willing to live with in you marriage.
1) no love
2) no respect or trust
The answer is very surprising. If you are a woman you most likely answered, no respect or trust. This explains why woman find it so hard to leave a marriage that is abusive or has infidelity in it, they stay for what little love they can get.
If you are a man, you most likely answered no love. The most important thing in marriage to a man is the respect of his wife and children. You know, Paul knew this almost 2000 years ago (with a little help from the Holy Sprit). In Eph. 5:33
33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
You know me, Dr. Practical, what does this mean for me in everyday life with my spouse. Well let us go with men first. This means to improve your marriage you need to show your wife love and the best way I know is by what is called languages of love. This phrase was coined in a book called “Love Languages” by Gary Smiley. In this book, he says there are four languages of love. The first language is words. This means talking to your wife, and probably the most important thing to say is the three words “I love you” The next language is touch. This one is not just something you do make overtures to your wife, let me say it this way; non-sexual touch. This means holding hands, a peck on the check, a back rub, a hug or just a simple hand on the shoulder. The next language is time. This simple means just spending time with them. Ways of spending time could include going shopping, a drive, a dinner out, or a walk together. The last language is presents. This is obvious and most guys do this when they are in the doghouse, they bring home flowers or candy etc.
Now that we have this information, you need to know that everybody has these languages of love, but we each have one main language. Therefore, guys you need to figure out what your wife’s main love language is and feed it. I am not saying not to feed the others also, but the main one is very important to feed. Also, a big hint guys, most of the time your wife’s love language is not the same as yours, so you may be feeding the wrong one, not seeing good results and getting frustrated. Let me give you a few more hints. Women tend to have their major love language as either words or gifts, and the least is usually touch. On the other hand, men’s love language tends to be time, touch, and least likely words. Guess what guys; we have a lot of work ahead of us. My suggestion to guys is to use all the love languages, but learn what is your wife’s primary language and work to get good at it. I cannot tell you how much this could improve your marriage.
Okay women, it is your turn to improve your marriage; you need to show your man respect. You say that is easy, I do that now. Really, let me ask you a few questions. Have you ever given your husband driving directions in the car in front of the kids? Have you given your husband a hard time for working a little late on the job. On the other hand, in a group of friends, have you thought to yourself, “He is very confident; I will take him down a notch and make fun of how he is dressed or how I had to help him get dressed?” If you have done one of these things, you are saying to your husband that you disrespect him.
You see, God made man feel responsible for being the breadwinner and the protector of his family. God has given him what is known today as machismo or bravado. He needs this to go out and face the scary world to protect and care for his family. This all makes me think of a gorilla and the way he beats his chest to show his dominance, that is just what a man is doing naturally. Now days this quality is ridiculed by almost every TV sitcom around. Therefore, it has come into vogue to criticize the father for everything and make him look like a bumbling fool. That is why it is even more important for you to encourage and respect your husbands instead of tearing them down.
Therefore, just as Paul told us, “Men love your wife. Women respect your husband.”