Birthdays. They become our way of measuring life, or so it seems. The world tells me that I'm middle aged, and that I should be feeling older with each step I take.
Whatever. Though the mirror tells me a few things have changed, I refuse to let the mirror have the last word. I will just look at it less often, so it won't have all the power in our relationship.
Same thing with the bathroom scale. Don't ask. Don't tell.
The truth is that on the inside, I still feel like the same girl I used to be when I would sit on the hood of my Mom's car and watch the moon at night. The moon always knew what to do with itself, and I wanted to be just like it when I grew up. I wanted the world to notice what I did. But, even if they didn't, I would still show up and do my job every night.
As a young girl, I couldn't wait to find my calling and spend the rest of my life doing whatever it was God had planned just for me.
But here I sit, just past my 42nd birthday, still wondering those same things. I now realize that life is more about recreating yourself as needed and taking leaps of faith along the way. It's about the journey; not the destination.
The way I figure it, I'm just getting started. My kids have grown up before my very eyes, and have become amazing adults. The world is a better place because they are in it. I love my husband and can't wait to see what the future holds for all of us. After some major changes in our lives, it seems that all doors are wide open. And that is a great feeling.
So, I prefer to look at it like this. I'm not a 'has been,' but rather a 'gonna be.'
So look out world! I'm 42% complete and have a long way to go.
Guess I'd better get started.
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