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Why do folks who ain't Jewish like to read the Bible so much?
by Julie Michaelson
09/13/09
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Alas,
sinful natiion,
A people laden with iniquity,
A brood of evildoers,
Children who are corrupters!
They have forsaken the Lord,
They have provoked
to anger,
The Holy One of Israel,
They have turned away
backward!
[Isaiah 1:4]
****************************
"Well, HECK!"

[SILENCE.]

(Stare up at ceiling.)
"THAT'S EASY!"

[SILENCE.]

(Snorty guffaw.)
"I KNOW WHY!"

[PATIENT GAZE.]

"Ya know WHY,
LORD?"

[PATIENT FROWN.]

"Cuz....
they're not.. IN IT!"
(2nd Guffaw.)

[CURIOUS GAZE.]
"What is that,
My child?"

(Irritated shout up at ceiling.)
"WHAT?"

[LONG PAUSE.]
[WISE NOD.]
"That guffaw."

(Questioning stare
up at ceiling.)
(Thoughtful pause.)
"That's right;
I forget;
English isn't
Your First Language."
(Thoughtful squint.)
"It's.......eh....
it's like....."
(More squinting.)
(Wave hands about,
dramatically.)
"It's....kind'a like,
a snorty LAUGH!"

[ALL-KNOWING NOD.]
"Ah.
I see."

"YEAH!
HECK!
Why SHOULD they
BE AFRAID,
to read IT?
They ain't IN IT!"

[LONG, OMINOUS PAUSE.]

"There's nothin',
THREATENING,
about THEM,
in THERE!"

[PAUSE.]

"Uh, UH!"
(Grimmace!)
"It's all.....the,
CHILDREN of ISRAEL
did THIS! And, the
CHILDREN OF ISRAEL
did THAT!"

[NOD.]
[FAR OFF RUMBLE.]
"Go on."

"The CHILDREN 'A
ISRAEL made the
Golden CALF!
The CHILDREN of
ISRAEL disOBEYED!
The CHILDREN a'
ISRAEL were BAD!"

[PATIENT RUMBLE.]

"The CHILDREN 'a
ISRAEL were BAD!
BAD!
'Children 'a ISRAEL..
were BAD!
And...
ALL THEY DID,
was
BACKSLIDE!"

"Hm,
hm."
[NOT GUFFAWING.]

"YEAH!"
(Snort.)
"THAT'S WHY!
THEY AIN'T
the ones
GETTIN'
PUNISHED,
all the TIME!"
(Frown!)
(Shout at the ceiling fan.)
"ALWAYS,
about to GET IT!"

[PATIENTLY LISTENING.]
[ARMS FOLDED.]
[NODDING.]

(Yell up at the ceiling.)
"Right 'n
LEFT!
LEFT 'n
RIGHT!"

[NODDING.]
[GAZE AT RUMPLED
CHILD, SITTING ON
THE CHAIR,
EATING A FROZEN*-
BOX OF CHINESE FOOD.]

(Chomp.)
"SEE?"

[PATIENT SMILE.]

(Cut off a piece of
Chinese chicken,
for scruffy cat.)
"SEE WHAT I MEAN,
LORD?"

[SMILE!]

"It's not FAIR!
THEIR FAMILY'S
ain't IN IT!"

[CALM VOICE.]
"No,
child.
You're wrong."

(Drop some rice
on the floor.)
(Yell up at the ceiling.)
"NO, I'M NOT!"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"Not so,
My precious."
[LOVING SMILE.]
"All My families,
are
in It."
**************************
Then the Lord God
called to
Adam
and said to him,
Were are you?
So he said,
I heard Your voice
in the garden,
and I was afraid
because I was naked,
and I
hid myself.
[Genesis 3:9]

______________________
*Not really frozen:
microwaved.

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