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Berets, Bongos and Bass (Daddy O) Psalms of the Beatnik
by David Ian
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Berets, Bongos and Bass (Daddy-O) -- Psalms of the Beatnik

(c) 1995 David Ian; revised 2004

(Dark glasses and a smoke filled room set the scene; stand-up Bass lays down the line while bongos beat to the beatnik's beat, baby)

I say, "Here am I, send me, Lord"; (yeah, baby)
but please, don't send me to my neighbor, (no, no, man, anything but)

I want to go someplace wild, (adventure-- yeah!)
where they don't speak the language,
where it's a bit dangerous; (excitement -- extreme!)
where the customs aren't the same,
and the music is different; (culture -- cool!)
but I didn't expect you to send me
to the ghetto, Big Daddy-O (let-down, dude)

I want to go to some foreign country
where Americans are revered, (baby).
I want to go to some foreign country
where they speak English (or American, yeah).
I want to go to some foreign country
where they have running water and central heating (snap!)
I don't want to go where there are bugs
and spiders and snakes (don’t dig that scene!)

(Bass riff ala “Seinfeld”)

Give me a short-term mission, Lord,
so I can be home before football season starts (nickel defense, yeah).

I don't want to visit no prisoners, man,
no jail bonding for me (That’s not my socialization scene)..
What if they get out? (Scary cats)
Hey, I want to minister to people that I won't see again (snap!)

I want to be a reaper, Lord;
I want to reap the harvest that someone else sowed
(thanks for the labor, Jack and Jill),
sowing seeds and nurturing growth
get no payback (spotlight’s dull).
I want to see the faces of the people
"I" have saved (Snap! Snap!)
Well of course you had a hand, Big Daddy-O. (take a bow with me)

(Bongo solo)

I don't want to disciple anyone, Lord.
Time is consumed, and my hand lacks the answers
in this poker game of life (I just bluff).
Please give them to others
who have a better hand showing (or an ace in the hole).

I want to go to church
to get something out of it (don’t you know?).
I don't feel You've done Your job
if I don't leave feeling good about myself.
(Do You feel good about myself?)
I know you try, Lord. I know you try (snap!)

I don't get this whole tithe, thing, Big Daddy.
How can I give to get, if you've already given me
what I have to give
to get what I want.
Does that make cosmic sense?

(Bass riff ala “Star Wars”)

If not, you ought to try Paul's
"I do what I don't want to do
and I don't do that which I ought to do..."

(Bongo Slap)

I am glad your judgment
will come upon those who have wronged me, Lord (yeah).
I will not judge them (no),
nor will I lift a finger or a prayer for them (not me).
They are in your hands (until they swim in hell, baby, yeah).

I cannot wait until you come again, Jesus,
and take me away from this wretched world (it’s a pain)
The swifter you come, the less I will have to live
among those who don't know you (they’re not elite).
Won't that be wonderful for me? (Cool, baby)

Sometimes I just don't feel righteous enough
to go to church. (snap!)

Perhaps the lonely and friendless
would prefer if I just leave them be. (snap!)

The lost have too many issues to deal with.
I would rather spend my time with the saved. (snap!)

Who greets the greeters
when they come to church in the morning? (snap!)

Lord, while I know you sent me to save the lost;
you never said that I actually had to like them. (snap!) (snap!)

I'll bet I'm twice as humble as anyone in this room. (snap!)

Maybe if I spend all my time in the church,
I won't meet any unsaved people. (snap!)

I don't have any unsaved friends
I'd want my Christian friends to meet, anyway. (snap!)

I don't understand why my unsaved friend
won't come with me to church. (ho, no)
He spends all his time in a tavern, (tsk! tsk!)
And I can’t get him to come out. (his loss)

Of course I wouldn't be seen in a tavern. (gasp)
Only lost, hurting and empty people live there. (down and out)
What would people think?
To see my car parked by that den (no stars for me)

If I could get my unsaved friend in our church,
then he'd really see God at work (get ‘em, Big Daddy-O).
Otherwise, all he sees
is me and my family. (snap!)

If I go to church today,
people might see I'm not cool
in my Christian walk. (feelin’ low)
How will that affect my ministry?
People look up to me, you know.

I'm at Church Sunday morning, --(Bongo Slap)
back for Sunday night service --(Bongo Slap)
Monday evening prayer, --(Bongo Slap)
Tuesday morning breakfast, --(Bongo Slap)
Wednesday morning bible study, --(Bongo Slap)
And Wednesday evening service, --(Bongo Slap)
Thursday evening youth, --(Bongo Slap)
Friday night praise, --(Bongo Slap)
Saturday afternoon small group; --(Bongo Slap)
Back to church on Sunday. --(Bongo Slap)
I'm so busy doing the Church's work
inside the church, (yeah)
I don't have time to do the Lord's work
in the Lord's world. (no,no)

Praise the Lord with the bongo, Praise the Lord with the stand-up bass, Praise the Lord with the snapping of the fingers, Praise the Lord, Daddy-O...

(snap!) (snap!) (snap!) (snap!) (snap!) (snap!) (snap!) (snap!) (snap!) (snap!)

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