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The Time Traveler's Wife
by Julie Michaelson
09/01/09
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(Yawn.)
(Bunch pillows up.)
(Chuckle.)
"I didn't understand
all the NAKED stuff."

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

(Wry squint.)
"Why did he have to
be NAKED,
all the TIME?"

[PATIENT NOD.]
[GENTLE SMILE.]

"I mean......
in Star TREK:
they would get BEAMED.... around,
here and there......
and, THEY never lost their CLOTHES."
(Smile!)
"And, NOBODY
was as cute,
as Captain KIRK!"
(Laugh!)
"And, Captain Kirk
had a MUCH better
PERSONALITY!"

[SMILE.]

(Thoughtful squint.)
"That was a really
stupid movie."
(Snicker.)
"And, what was with that
GENETIC doctor?
They never DID say,
what HIS PART,
was.......
in it:
typical DOCTOR,
huh?
Do NOTHIN',
and get PAID
for it!"
(Laugh!)

[PATIENT NOD.]
[LISTEN WITH RAPTURE*.]

"I still don't understand,
why he had to lose his
CLOTHES.....
everytime,
he TIME traveled:
not the DOCTOR,
Lord,
the cute guy."

[GENTLE CHUCKLE.]
[NOD.]

(Yell up to the ceiling.)
"WHAT do YOU
think,
LORD:
don't You think
that movie
was STUPID?"

[PATIENT SMILE.]

"I don't know:
to be a good MOVIE,
you're supposed to
SYMPATHIZE....
or....is it EMPATHIZE?
..with the main
CHARACTER."

[NOD.]
[GAZE UP AT THE
NORTH POLE.]
[WATCH A CORNER
OF AN ICE FLOE
MELTING.]

"......and,
I didn't like THAT
guy,
at ALL."

[PATIENT NOD.]

"I mean.....
he really CUTE,
and all,
but.....ECH!
He was totally
narcissistic,
and self-CENTERED....
and,
he went DEER-hunting,
and,
he looked like he
never took a bath,
and,
all he ever
did was mope around
and look SORROWFUL....
and,
he couldn't
hold down a JOB....
and,
he had a bit of a
CRIMINAL streak."

[PATIENT NOD.]
[TOUCH THE TIP
OF THE EARTH,
WHILE ITS TURNING
ON ITS AXIS.]

(Chuckle!)
"While he was STREAKING**!"
(Laugh!)
"Did Ya GET IT,
LORD?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
[SMILE.]

"HA!
While he was STREAKING!"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"And, his WIFE!
OY!
What a DITZ!"
(Chuckle!)
"All she ever did....
besides CRYING,
and looking like
a poor-little-RICH-girl...
was run around,
trying to COVER
him UP!"

[PATIENT, TENDER
TOUCH, ON THE TOP
OF HIS CHILD'S HEAD.]

(Laugh!)
"It was really STUPID."
(Chuckle.)
"Did Ya see,
that BRAD PITT...
PRODUCED it?"
(Gaze at a spot,
on the wall.)
"That was the BEST
scene,
WASN'T it,
Lord:
where he's STANDIN'
there,
in that scene***
with Gina Davis.......
and he's wearing
nothin', but that pair a'
blue jeans,
an' a cowboy hat,
and holdin' that blow dryer,
like a GUN?"
(Dreamy gaze.)
"He was a criminal,
in the movie, too:
but he had a great
sense of HUMOR!"

[PATIENT SHAKE OF THE HEAD.]
[SIGH OF A BESMITTEN FATHER.]

"Now,
THAT.....
was a good MOVIE."
(Nod!)
(Hold thumb up.)

[CHUCKLE.]
[KISS THE TOP OF
HIS SILLY CHILD'S HEAD.]

(Fold arms over head,
on pillow.)
(Thoughtful silence.)
"A real man,
doesn't have ta'
go deer-hunting."

[PATIENT GAZE.]

(Close eyes.)
(Nod.)
"And,
that's what
killed him
in the end."

[INFINTISSMALLY PATIENT NOD.]

"I'm glad
the deer
didn't get killed,
Lord."

[NOD.]
"I understand,
Mein kinder.
Now,
go to sleep."


_________________
*Not the THE Rapture:
here, it means 'with raptured
attention.'
**1970's expression:
to run out in public,
sans clothes.
***'Thelma & Louise':
a MUCH better -
movie.








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