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The Ingenuity of Thaddaeus Kew
by Howard L. Pierce
01/20/04
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No flesh remained on bleached-white bones
As through the eeriness was viewed
All that was left of Thaddaeus Kew.

In life (they said) Old Kew had been
Richer (by far) than MOST men dreamed;
That in his time he'd been unkind...
Vowed he'd NOT leave ONE pence behind
When the Grim Reaper came into view.

He'd languished long in AWFUL pain;
On a bleaken evening of blinding rain
His soul had taken its final flight
To endless day or endless night.

The gloom, the shroud, which his frailness dressed
Bespoke tidings of a tortured soul that'd NOT rest.
('Twas said his wealth entombed with he
Was the ONLY rest THIS soul would see.)

Since that last night, have the pillagers come
To make a shambles of the derelict home;
Yet, true to his word, as he'd said it'd be,
NOT ONE ounce of his gold did the vandals see.

So, what of THIS night, with the tomb exposed;
The skull, the remnants of burial clothes?
A swatch of hair attached to bone?
And shillings? Not a solitary ONE!

A band of 'seekers' (bolder than the rest)
Had put a legend to a fateful test...
That the goods Old Kew had greedily kept
NOW comprised the bed on which he slept.

When through the darkness comes the Constable's shout;
"Surround 'em, Men, they're all about!
They're tearin' at the bones of Old Kew!
Stop there! You're caught, you despicable, bloody ghoul!"

One robber, dumbfounded, said, "Tell me. Mate,
Who did this night's work before us...were we simply too late?"
"Nay...you're the first of a degraded lot
To DIG to see what the Old Man's got.
The others have come and rambled about,
And, to a man, they left without
The reward they'd all heard was still around;
Yet nothing but trouble have ANY found.
ALL doomed to fail, to the final man
Who'd devise and practice such a fiendish plan.

"On his last day of pain, in his dismal room,
Old Kew had rallied from impending doom...
(Even managed to smile, as HIS plot had loomed!)
For PERPETUAL VIGILANCE of his tomb.

The Old Man made his final call
For guarding THIS PLACE...he spent it ALL!
He KNEW, in time, that such as YOU
Would attempt to steal from Thaddaeus Kew."

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