Oh rats, it's catch-up time for me...yesterday was a BUSY day.
Steven, would you please teach this class? Seriously--I'm not being sarcastic or facetious here. You have so much more knowledge than I do. Write to me; maybe I can hand this one over to you and find another one more suited to my skills...think about it.
I loved your haiku, all of them...and that last one really made me grin. And thanks for the subjective/objective reminder!
Jan's Poetry Class: Haiku
Moderators: mikeedwards, RedBaron, glorybee, mikeedwards, RedBaron, glorybee, mikeedwards, RedBaron, glorybee
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Oh, I hear you, Carol!Symphonic wrote:Dull gray rainy days
do not inspire one to write
on the topic "RED"
Yep, you followed the rules, and you put a little kick at the end, too. For the record, I haven't written mine yet, either.
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There you go, Leah. Although I'm a coffee gal myself, tea is more in line with the Japanese aspest of haiku.violin4jesus wrote:Cold, crisp morning dawns.
Tea clutched tightly in one's hand
Warms October day.
It's amazing what you can say in 17 syllables, isn't it?
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Oh Esther, this is marvelous! It so perfectly captures the utter manipulativeness of cats. You brought on my first big smile of the morning.Esther wrote:Orange ball of fluff
Purring, rubbing round my legs
All you want is food
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Glad you're having fun with this, Vonnie!yvonne wrote:Flaming orange and red
Exploding with a final bang
Goodbye, farewell, gone.
This haiku has really vivid imagery--it's fireworks, right? I really like the last line.
Here's a perfect example of my earlier point about those few words with "iffy" syllable counts (and they're often words with "r" sounds). In Michigan, I'd say "or-ange" with 2 syllables, giving your first line a count of 6. But I'll bet you say it differently in Maine.
But no matter how I try, I can't make line 2 into 7 syllables. You've got 8.
Care to go for round 2?
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Joy, nothing to say about this but...beautiful!joyfaire wrote:yearn to sing praises
in love to Majestic One
inclined at His feet
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Oh, I love haiku.
Dense, dreary darkness
Blanketed by fallen cloud.
Disappear at dawn.
Dense, dreary darkness
Blanketed by fallen cloud.
Disappear at dawn.
Teresa
HerWhitewashedHeart
At My Table
"But kids like us grow up and need our own relationship with God, forged in the heart through time and experience, not draped around us by the church we attend. We need to know God for ourselves, not secondhand." Frank Peretti from his introduction in The Visitation.
HerWhitewashedHeart
At My Table
"But kids like us grow up and need our own relationship with God, forged in the heart through time and experience, not draped around us by the church we attend. We need to know God for ourselves, not secondhand." Frank Peretti from his introduction in The Visitation.
Oh, here's your second try! Excellent, Vonnie...I wouldn't have thought of trying to squeeze any poetic tricks into just 17 syllables, but it certainly works here. Well done!yvonne wrote:Crashing, roaring spray
Dark angry depths churn upward,
Forward, marching on.
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Pat, your syllables are right, and your first haiku is precious! How can you go wrong with sunrise and warm babies? Well, I'm assuming it's a baby...it could be the poet herself. At any rate, the image is irresistable. Woot!Pat wrote:Patchwork paints window.
Dawn lights upon feathered down.
Toes wake, wiggle, warm.
My very first!
And I have no clue if it worked. lol
I think I have my syllables correct though.
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Oops, I almost missed this one!raineysangel wrote:Dense, dreary darkness
Blanketed by fallen cloud.
Disappear at dawn.
Beautiful, Teresa...you captured two different moods in one teeny little haiku, and I love the phrase "fallen cloud". Very nice!
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I was thinking of fall leaves, but fireworks fit.glorybee wrote:Glad you're having fun with this, Vonnie!yvonne wrote:Flaming orange and red
Exploding with a final bang
Goodbye, farewell, gone.
This haiku has really vivid imagery--it's fireworks, right? I really like the last line.
Here's a perfect example of my earlier point about those few words with "iffy" syllable counts (and they're often words with "r" sounds). In Michigan, I'd say "or-ange" with 2 syllables, giving your first line a count of 6. But I'll bet you say it differently in Maine.
But no matter how I try, I can't make line 2 into 7 syllables. You've got 8.
Care to go for round 2?
(I say "orange" both ways, depending on the situation.)
Here's my revised edition:
Flaming orange and red
Exploding burst of yellow
Goodbye, farewell, gone
Oooh, I like this one ever better! It's tighter, and the imagery is very pretty!yvonne wrote:Here's my revised edition:
Flaming orange and red
Exploding burst of yellow
Goodbye, farewell, gone
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tehe ... I was thinking of my wiggly, warm toes but babies tosies are soooo much cuter and an even cuter visual.glorybee wrote:Pat, your syllables are right, and your first haiku is precious! How can you go wrong with sunrise and warm babies? Well, I'm assuming it's a baby...it could be the poet herself. At any rate, the image is irresistable. Woot!Pat wrote:Patchwork paints window.
Dawn lights upon feathered down.
Toes wake, wiggle, warm.
My very first!
And I have no clue if it worked. lol
I think I have my syllables correct though.
I like it all the more now.
Pat, this is so pretty!Pat wrote:Opalescent foam.
Cradles broken bits of shells
Seagulls riding the winds.
I'm wondering if you need the period at the end of the first line.
And I won't mention that the last line has 6 syllables...
But I can see and smell Florida when I read this...makes me want to fly down for a quick visit!
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