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Please Tell Me What You Think of This Article!

FaithWriters want your input to help make FaithWriters even better. What do writers really want? If you know the answer, post here.

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TheReverendKelly
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Please Tell Me What You Think of This Article!

Postby TheReverendKelly » Fri Jan 10, 2014 3:37 am

Young people unforeseen things will happen. It is difficult to be a teen. I have worked with teens going on 27 years.
Sometimes you will get depressed and things will not go the way you or I have planned them. If you are struggling with pain, whether it be physical, spiritual, emotional or mental. Please talk to someone that you trust.
A dear friend of mine who is a pastor, had a brother, who committed suicide. This occurred because he could not handle rejection. And this is unfortunate because he was a talented and attractive young man. Suicide or Homicide is not the answer.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Do not put your focus on people, or things; both of these will disappoint us, but God will never disappoint us.
A few years I had a niece commit suicide and I know the pain that being a victim of suicide. For most families, it creates more problems than it solves. As a matter of fact, it does not solve any problems only creates them. And there is no guarantee that the afterlife is going to better than the former life. If we have not accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior, it will not be better, but a lot worse because that decision of not accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior of your life will follow you permanently for all eternity. And even if you have accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, suicide is still not the answer! You can lose part of your reward. But not trusting Jesus your reward will not be as great as it could have been.
The pain you leave behind is overwhelming for your family and friends, and you will not even know it because you have made the decision to exit this world. And it is a terrible feeling to know as a pastor you were available and yet you were not able to help the one you cared for the most. There is not a day that goes by that I do not feel that pain. No matter what we go through, God's grace is sufficient for us! :thankssign :D

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Shann
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Re: Please Tell Me What You Think of This Article!

Postby Shann » Mon Jan 20, 2014 3:50 am

I like the fact that you are willing to tackle such a difficult and sensitive topic as suicide. My mom often said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I've been in dark places so can relate on many different levels.

Be careful to proofread your piece. If possible one of the best things to do is to ask someone to read it aloud. If they stumble over any part, you may need to tweak that line. Take your opening line. The word unforseen is an adjective and looks like you were trying to use it as a verb. The opening line is the most important. It is too easy for a reader to click on something else to read, so it's vital to grab them with the opener. Maybe something like this might work: Today's teens live in a world of instant gratification. For many, they struggle with problems of not fitting in, low self-esteem, and bullying. Having worked with teens for over twenty-seven years, I have seen firsthand, the debilitating issues that can crumple a young person's self-esteem.

You also seem to be talking about teens in the first person, then you switch to the second person(you). Try to keep that voice consistent. If you are able, I might encourage you to talk more about your nice and perhaps some of the signs you saw in hindsight.

I like the hope you give to those who might feel despondent. The answer definitely lays in the arms of Christ. Maybe adding some Scripture would be a good idea. I really like your ending. It's simple, yet so powerful.

If you haven't checked out Jan's Writing Basics, I'd urge you to try it. She gives great advice to all levels of writers. Another thing that many writers struggle with is show don't tell. Another FW has written a booklet that shows ways to bring your writing to life. You can find it here:http://www.sparrowsflight.net/Amys-books.htm

It's a great book for all levels of writing. You do a nice job of showing your passion in your work. If you haven't taken the plunge and tried the Writing Challenge, I'd encourage you to do so. It is definitely one of the most read areas In FW and is a great way to get feedback. Keep writing what the Lord place on your heart, you never know how he will use your words to touch others.
Shann

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lish1936
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Re: Please Tell Me What You Think of This Article!

Postby lish1936 » Mon Jan 20, 2014 11:50 pm

Hi, Rev. Kelly
I would love to critique your article, but I prefer to do so by sending you a private message. Is that agreeable with you?

Blessings,

Lillian
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I write even when I think I can't, because I must. :-)

I love to write. Nothing escapes the crush I have on the written word. I'm hooked on words!!

"Let words bewitch you. Scrutinze them, mull them, savor them, and in combination, until you see their subtle differences and the ways they tint each other." Francis Flaherty

TheReverendKelly
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Re: Please Tell Me What You Think of This Article!

Postby TheReverendKelly » Tue Jan 21, 2014 4:25 am

Thank you Shann,

My challenge entry for Endless was not accepted. I was in a hurry because I thought it was late. It was because the name was listed in the article. I worked hard on it, and I want to cry. But I appreciate your honest critique, and will work harder the next time.

Unfortunately, I am stuck being a silver member, so I am limited to what I can do. I only have three credits left and want to be careful how I use them. Thank Shann and Lillian.

I am finding that I am not as a great writer as I thought, however, Steven King had more failures in the beginning of his writing career. Carrie was almost a complete failure. Stephen King, threw it away. He did not think it would make a good story. His wife Tabitha, saw it, picked up and read it. She encouraged him to finish it The piece was later published and bought for 400,000 US Dollars. He quit his teaching career and became an an accomplished writer, and today he is a household name.

I am not one to give up easily. I almost did not get to go to school. Psychiatrists said I would never complete the fourth grade. I graduated from two different colleges and graduate school. In seminary, I graduated with a 3.0 grade point average. Many people said I would not be able to graduate but I did. And with God's help I can become a better writer. I may not win any contests, but writing is my passion and I will not give up. Thank you for your inspiration.




Lillian

Please send me a private message. That would be great. You can add me as a friend if you would like. I appreciate your help.

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Shann
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Re: Please Tell Me What You Think of This Article!

Postby Shann » Tue Jan 21, 2014 5:37 am

Try not to get discouraged. I'm not sure why the title of yours wasn't accepted. I've seen others that use the topic as titles. I wonder if it was something else. If you want to submit it to the general submission spot, then go to the brink throwing thread and leave a direct link, you might still get some feedback on it.

Remember, too, that up to now, you've probably only had family and friends read your work. Generally they are proud and think it's great.

I remember my first time entering. I was positive I was going to Mop up the competition. After all everyone had raved about how wonderful my writing was. I remember feeling hurt when I didn't win. Since then, I've learned so much. Now when I read those early submissions I cringe.

One thing I did that helped a lot was I started trying to read and comment on every entry. I used the sandwich method and started off with a few positive remarks, then if I had constructive feedback, I'd mention that next and I always try to be specific and give examples of what I mean and my opinion on what would make it stronger.

Then of course I would end on more positive notes. I would often use the same criteria the judges used and comment on those: Good beginning, Ending, was it on topic, how fresh and creative it is, the grammar and basically how well written it is, transition--is it all connected and does it move smoothly throughput he piece, Does it have a purpose like to teach or to make one laugh and does the writer have a clear message. You can find more detailed categories that the judges used on the message board.

I discovered as I found what worked for me and what didn't, I was able to apply to my own work. I also asked for feedback and tried to remember it comes from a place of love..

Once someone said I started almost every paragraph with the character's name or a pronoun. At first I thought he had to be exaggerating. When I checked I realized almost every sentence began that way. I then learned the importance of sentence structure.

I'd encourage you to read as many articles as possible. Don't worry about feeling that you don't have enough writing experience. Instead focus on your reading experience. That is who writing is for--the reader not the writer.

Above all don't get discouraged. We all question our ability from time to time. It's more worrisome if you think your piece is perfect. Though winning is a wonderful feeling, we can't write to win, we must pray, ask God to Guide us and write He places on our hearts.

I think you're off to a great start and am eager to read more of your work.. God bless. And keep writing!
Shann

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Deb Porter
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Re: Please Tell Me What You Think of This Article!

Postby Deb Porter » Mon Feb 03, 2014 12:32 am

Hi Reverend Kelly.

Just a quick note here, as my word count checker (the human variety) mentioned she had seen your post here about being disqualified because of your name being on your Endless entry. I want to put your mind at rest about that, as it wasn't the case at all.

If I see a name on an entry, I always remove the name. I don't think I've ever disqualified an entry because it had a name on it. I actually go out of my way to try and avoid disqualifying entries, and I always contact the author if their entry is disqualified for any reason.

I just did a search of the entries for that week, and there was no entry submitted under your name. So I'm guessing you thought your entry was disqualified because it didn't appear in the list of entries. However, that's not the case. I suspect you actually experienced a problem submitting your entry. That does happen to some people.

If you would like to submit another entry to the Challenge at some point, feel free to check with me after to make sure it did make it into the list.

Love, Deb

(Edited by Deb to avoid confusion.)
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lish1936
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Re: Please Tell Me What You Think of This Article!

Postby lish1936 » Mon Feb 03, 2014 1:14 am

Hi, Deb

I think you may be referring to the first post on this thread by Rev. Kelly. I don't recall posting about being disqualified?

I hope my mental deterioration isn't showing. :D



Blessings,

Lillian
Last edited by lish1936 on Mon Feb 03, 2014 1:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
E-Book - Retirement Lane - How to Celebrate Life After 60

Fortunate 500


I write even when I think I can't, because I must. :-)

I love to write. Nothing escapes the crush I have on the written word. I'm hooked on words!!

"Let words bewitch you. Scrutinze them, mull them, savor them, and in combination, until you see their subtle differences and the ways they tint each other." Francis Flaherty

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lish1936
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Re: Please Tell Me What You Think of This Article!

Postby lish1936 » Mon Feb 03, 2014 1:24 am

P.S. Deb

I do write under the name of Lillian Rhoades. There may be a point when dementia sets in when I'll have an alias/pen name or two, but that will be because I can't remember much of anything, especially my name. :lol:

Blessings,

Uh....Lillian...uh....Oh, Yes!...Rhoades
E-Book - Retirement Lane - How to Celebrate Life After 60

Fortunate 500


I write even when I think I can't, because I must. :-)

I love to write. Nothing escapes the crush I have on the written word. I'm hooked on words!!

"Let words bewitch you. Scrutinze them, mull them, savor them, and in combination, until you see their subtle differences and the ways they tint each other." Francis Flaherty

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Deb Porter
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Re: Please Tell Me What You Think of This Article!

Postby Deb Porter » Mon Feb 03, 2014 2:10 am

LOL ... Thanks Lillian. I think I saw your name at the end of a post when I scrolled down and thought that was Rev Kelly's name. I'm going to have to go back and do a bit more checking. :lol:

(So there remains only one wonderful Lillian.) :D

Love, Deb
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