Dear friends in God, 10/2/13
I'd like to share a little more about my situation and praise His name with you because everything we have belongs to Him. We belong to God!
Honestly, this month was very hard for me. It was full of joy, tears and, of course, with busyness! I needed to finish translating the daily devotional I've been working on because it is blessing believers so much. Everybody wants to get the new one before the new month even starts, but I was late with it because of so many other things.
People come to my home and I need to give them time, and I have church meetings. One day someone called for me to come, and then a second person called me at the same time. They both needed help. Come and pray for my mommy because she is sick....Come and spend time with people who have been persecuted....Why don't you come spend time with us like you did before? You are getting selfish because you are not acting like before. This is what I heard from people I know. I was busy ironing my clothes and I remembered Mother Theresa's words:
"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway."
Then I went to visit Intercession because she needed help. When I was on the metro I just started crying and I was not able to hide it. I was feeling sorry for myself. Why don't people ever think about or understand me? Why don't they try to understand that I don't even have time for myself? What makes people think that I have enough time for everything?
While I was feeling sad in my heart, suddenly heaven opened up and I heard the Heavenly Father singing to me. It was very loud, but very pleasant. I don't understand why other people couldn't hear it because it was so loud. "Zulfia , my Zulfia" (of course it was in my language - only two words "Zulfia, my Zulfia"). He was singing to me and encouraging me by saying, "Even if there is nobody to encourage you, I am your encourager; I am the one who understands you; I am the one who watches over you; I am your teacher and leader; I see you! You are MINE!" WOW, God is singing for me and He knows me by name (Isa 54:4). Was it really God or what? Anyway I was encouraged. The Father knows that what I am doing is only for Him. If there is nobody here for me, He is here for me!
It was the best comforting time, right in front of all the people around me. Unfortunately, these people don't know the living and loving Father! My darkest moments were filled with joy! I didn't share this with anybody here, only with you all; but please don't think that I am more special than other people. No, no! I am just an ordinary and simple girl. Everybody likes to receive hugs and encouragement and I thought I didn't have anybody to hug me or encourage me, but I (we) have an all-knowing Father! He still speaks and sings for His children! He didn't stop singing until I got to my friend's. He loves and cares for us; what a wonderful Father we have! It is good to praise the Lord in every circumstance!
One day I had a trance or dream. In my dream, black spirits were all around me and I was very scared. I prayed about this, but God told me to stay alert with my prayers.
One day when I was at home I had a phone call. Somebody needed money. I remember that day that I didn't even eat my lunch because I really wanted to finish my translation work, and I was late because I had guests. I went out late in the day with just $10, my cell phone and one little English book called Bible Wisdom. It wasn't a Bible, but most of the words are from the Bible. When I went to the metro, a policeman stopped me to inspect my bag. He saw my book and read "Bible." I told him it wasn't a Bible, just some words from the Bible - only quotes of wisdom words. But he said, "Follow me."
So I followed him to the underground of the metro station. Then other policemen came. They called each other and after a few minutes there were five of them there. They told me to go wait for them in another room. I went out while they were checking over my book and discussing what to do with me. I had a peace in my heart! I was praying in tongues. What a day!
Then they called me and asked who gave me the book...and where I met that person. They sent me out to a dark room again, and I remembered my dream. One police who checked me called me in again and asked me many questions. What countries have you been to? Where do you live? What do you do? What is your religion? Then they said, We have to call the KGB. The officer came and also asked me a lot of questions. They took my book outside and checked it again. One little man who asked me a lot of questions, I saw Satan in him. Yes, I saw Satan in him; a black spirit. God opened my eyes and I saw the Satan. He wanted to know everything about me. Then the important question:
Why did you change your religion?
"I don't believe in religion. I don't like religion."
Who told you about Jesus? When did you come to Jesus?
"No one told me about Jesus! He came to my home and He was wearing white clothes and I even showed Him to my mommy. Jesus came to my home. I didn't invite him. I was sick and Jesus healed me!"
(They wanted to find the person who led me to Jesus so they could put him in prison; but how can they put our Jesus in prison?!!) Everybody listened to my testimony! They didn't say anything. Everybody was silent! After that, the police whom Satan was using said:
- Why didn't you go to the witch doctor? What did your parents say about you following Jesus?
(It is our law that if your parents do not agree with your ways you are in trouble. They wanted to trap me this way.)
- "Nobody was able to help me. My parents were the most blessed people because of me - because I was healed and I was happy! They were so blessed and happy from my life!" (He became very angry for what I said!) Then I continued, "Then listen to what Jesus did again to us. My sister had a skin disease, and I laid my hands on her and she was healed!"
Then He told me to stop! Other people came and started telling bad words: Don't read the Bible...You are a bad citizen...Who gave you a Bible? (Now they want to catch that person because giving a Bible to someone else is against the law.) I told the name of the person who gave me a Bible but that he moved to Russia. (He has now become a U.S. citizen and lives with his family in the U.S., so they cannot do anything to him). He became even angrier because he cannot catch him.
Then they wanted to know:
Which countries have you been to? I told them some of the country names, but not all of them. They said, Who paid you money? What did you study in the U.S.? How did you go to these countries? ...What dates were you there, and which borders did you cross? Their questions broke my heart.
Then the most dangerous moment came. Who comes to your home? Who are your friends and what are their addresses? With whom do you live? Which church do you go to? I said, "I am not going to tell you!"
That policeman stood up and became aggressive - very, very angry! He started screaming at me loudly and told me first to sit, then stand up, sit, walk, stand up..(Satan knows that I was weak. My body was so heavy for me that day.) When he was screaming, I was so afraid that I wasn't able to say anything. I was sweating because of lack of air and almost fainting, so I didn't hear what they were saying. Then I saw the face of Jesus. He breathed on me and gave me air. I was okay again and refreshed. I said "thanks" to Jesus - but the policemen didn't see anything!
I felt like a little lamb surrounded by wolves! I felt so weak because I couldn't do or say anything in front of these angry men, so many people for one girl. More questions: Do you have a computer
in your home? Where do you use your internet? Which books have you read? What's your parents' address, your address and phone number? (I gave them a cell number I never use because they forced me to answer their question.)
Where is your Bible at the moment? ....it was too much! I was afraid, really, really afraid. What would I do if they just come to my apartment? I have so many printed copies of books that I have translated, Bibles, my computer. That makes me a most dangerous person. If they catch me I would go to prison right away.
Three policemen came and checked my small bag but they didn't see my cell phone! They said, She doesn't have anything in her bag. That was the most wonderful miracle, because all my friends' names and numbers are there! God is wonderful!
Even when they were angry with me I understood that everything is under God's control! After four hours, the main KGB called the police and told them to let me go and to not take anything from me. So, they gave my book back to me! But, the little policeman (whom I saw Satan in) said I have more questions. Everybody else wanted me to go, but this one really made me angry, too. Where is your Bible at the moment?
His question really hurt me deeply! They forced me to sign a document that says I won't complain about the police. Yes, I said in my heart, complaining is a sin even in MY book, so I agree. I will NEVER complain for what you did for me! You all needed to hear about Jesus!
When I got out from the underground metro, my mind was so confused and I was so afraid that I lost my way, but then I heard His voice again, Don't be afraid. They will not come to your home!
I called my pastor and told him everything! He came at 11pm and took the printer with him and I hid all the Christian books. I was happy that he came and was ready to help me. His family prayed for me. The next day, God sent Intercession to spend time with me. She knows what to do and how to talk with people who have been persecuted...she has passed this way. I think and I hope I heard God's voice, and I hope they never come to my home.
1. If two people agree on one thing it shall be given to us. I need a miracle here. O.K. Let's all say, In the name of Jesus Christ, may the name of ZULFIA Qodirova be removed or erased from the police list and may they never bother her anymore! If my name is on their list it means I can NEVER EVER go outside of my country again - even if I have an exit visa. (That doesn't matter for this country.)
2. They know that I live by myself. They might think that I am a prostitute. May they never come to my home.
3. May I be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. They might send a needy or sick person to me to catch me because they know that I am Christian. If I share the Gospel with them, they can make a problem for me, so I HAVE TO be led by His Spirit.
4. Pray for protection for my family, as well, because I gave them their address. May they not check them.
5. Pray for protection for my cell church. It is growing and now I have to be careful with home meetings.
6. I need wisdom and, honestly, pray for healing for my soul. Pray that I might be like a little child. A little child easily forgets the hurt, always lives with a new day. Otherwise, it is hard for me to follow Jesus. I may be able to love and forgive all the policemen who hurt me, but I still feel scars in my heart toward those men.
7. Pray for me to have some enjoyment - not just work all the time. Pray for good sleep - without worry or fear.
Thanks very much for your support and prayers. You never know what your prayers can be. It can be breath for someone, it can be boldness, courage, safety, wisdom, protection. I can feel a lot of prayers and it is like the wind. It refreshes and gives the strength to move forward. I may not be able to give you attention or send you emails on time, but Jesus rewards you for what you do for His little children. He never forgets what you do for Him. May He kiss your heart with His word and fill you all with His joy!
God bless you all and I love you all,