Southern Porch Extension

[Joanney]

Well, I stopped playing phone tag when my lawyer this afternoon. He advised to go back to negotiations with Paul, but said that the solution would be related to the property, not to parenting time, or support. It may mean that Paul ends up with the house, or a payment from a sale or Deed in Lieu. That was a major relief. One friend told me to let Paul continue to think that he can do as he suggested so that he doesn't start thinking up other stuff. I responded by saying that he knew nothing would matter more than the boys, so he slam dunked on the first shot. Anything else he comes up with will be an airball in comparison.

This situation has lead me to seriously consider the timing of me continuing my education at this time. I am not willing to give up my life-time dream of becoming a teacher, but I am thinking that perhaps I need to put it on hold. Is it really worth the sacrifice to the boys for me to be gone to class 2 nights a week and studying all of my spare time? Add to that the time it will take to pack and move. And that fact that I have noticed that stress increases the symptoms of my condition. I am wondering if it would be better to simply find a full-time job and focus on life and the boys. I can always go back after Simon graduates.

So, please pray for wisdom and direction on whether or not I should withdraw from classes and for a better job. Also for smooth negotiations with Paul. Thanks.

[Laurie]

I'm glad you received some wise legal counsel. I can understand your concern about school as opposed to finding a good full-time job for now. You have so many things to consider right now and some pretty important decisions to make. Praying that God's plan, whatever it may be, will be crystal clear to you.

[ready2go]

Joanney, I would never tell you what to do about your continuing education program, but I can tell you from personal experience that being too busy can take a heavy toll on family relationships. Beginning in 1964 I enrolled in the University's IT level evening classes for the next ten years with 4-5 credits each quarter. Along with credits earned from other schools, I eventually got my engineering and mathematics degrees. Was it worth it? I'm still not sure.

During those difficult ten years of schooling I was newly married (1963)...we bought a new house...we adopted our two baby children...I was trying to be effective in my new job...and Carol had never learned to drive a car. There was lots of stress during those years, and quality time with my family was very limited.

As a result, both of our kids suffered and went down the wrong path for a few years. However, they did finally recover to excel in school and become responsible adults. Today, they both seem to have the same work drive that I had during during all of my years.

It could have turned out much different.

Don

[Edy]

Joanney, you are already a wonderful teacher (if my picture posted, you'll see what I mean!). And, I can second what Don wrote. Fresh out of nursing school, working full time, I went back to school part time. I would have had NO time left for a family. Seeing young parents on the bus in the dark of a winter morning, while I was asking the Lord to go to work for me because I felt so exhausted and drained of motivation, I couldn't imagine the load of these parents. Taking two buses to the day care, then another two buses to get to work, I knew something had to suffer. If not the children, then the health of the parent/s

My mom went back to teaching when baby #5 was six months old. We did have a lady come in to watch him and our preschool brothers during the time we were away at school. But, my younger sister and I got an allowance to take over responsibility when we got home in the afternoon. She would have been not yet six years old and I was seven and a half (small town, church building right next door and school building across the road, so the folks were close by). We did learn to be responsible! But, mom was obviously exhausted, because her work day didn't end when school let out.

So, for what it's worth, I think your thoughtful proposal sounds like the smartest option. Prioritizing to focus this time on your sons will have rewards for them and for you to cherish. I'm sure you'll be glad you postponed your studies both for now and for looking forward to when the nest isn't so full. God bless you each step of the way, I'm praying for open and closed doors to direct you to the perfect job He has waiting for you!

[Edy]

Okay! It works for me to transfer a photo to Photobucket; then I can make the Img/img thingy work to post it here. Now, if only I could figure how to size the picture smaller! (I recall the older version of Photobucket gave us options I don't find, now.)

[Verna]

Hooray for Allison. Hope your healing is rapid.

Joanney, I would vote for time with your family--and more money coming in. God bless you, Dear.
May He prevent you from being jerked around with threats to take your boys. They need your influence much more than they do their dad's it wuld seem to me.

[BeachGrandma]

Joanney, add me to the list of those wanting you to put your education on hold for a bit. Your boys will only be with you a VERY short number of years. You can't replay those years. After both are in college, you'll probably still need to work some but there are plenty of scholarships available and part-time jobs open for students. There is nothing more important than your boys, as you have said and demonstrated, and you are young enough to pursue any educational path you choose. I hope you'll give this a lot of thought and prayer and we'll be backing you in prayer.

Allison, I'm so glad your surgery turned out well. God is so faithful and loves to answer our prayers.

I'm still recovering nicely and am so thankful to be able to eat anything I want. The problem is I don't want much of anything and don't have much interest in food but that will change, I'm sure.

I love you all bunches.

[Laurie]

Mariane, I'm glad to hear you're coming along. Now we'll have to pray you'll get a healthy appetite. And how has your pain level been with your back after those long rides to the clinic/hospital?

Allison, how are you doing?

Joanney, how long can you keep your insurance if you take a break from school? Would you be able to have your surgery before you would lose it?

Don, how is Carol doing?

Lab results were in today. My thyroid is borderline low, so I can try a thyroid medication if I want and see if it helps, so I think I'll try it. Saw the tax preparer and ran errands today. I will have my EMG and see the endodontist tomorrow. Wednesday I'll help my mom buy the car she picked out last week. My MRI is scheduled for Thursday. That's also the day of my sister-in-law's dad's funeral though I won't be able to go since it's a distance away. Friday is the anniversary of my dad's death, and I hope to spend time with my mom so she won't have to be alone. What a week. My sister sent a red rose to my mom and each of us siblings today. The last couple of weeks have been hard as I've relived my dad's last days. I think I've cried about every day since we lost him. I feel so sad and heavy.

[BeachGrandma]

Laurie, please talk to your doctor and pharmacist about the price of Synthroid for hypothyroidism before you have the prescription filled (if your doctor prescribes it). It's very expensive and once you start on it, you're advised to stick with it. There are other brands just as good and not nearly as expensive. I've been on Synthroid for about 10 years and wish I'd started with something else because of the increasing cost. All of my other meds cost $10 co-pay but Synthroid has upped their price (again!) to $40 a month co-pay. There is a lot of information online about Synthroid and why they continue to charge so much more than other brands.

[Laurie]

Thanks, Mariane. I did get the name of the drug and it's a generic. I plan to call my insurance company to make sure it's covered before I make a final decision. My blood test shows it's just borderline low so it's up to me, but I've been SO tired, have a hard time concentrating and I'm incredibly cold (though that's nothing new), so I think it's probably worth a try.

My mom also has an appt. today. I'm fortunate we were able to get all three appointments on the same day since the clinic where we'll go is out of town. And the roads should be good, so that's a relief. It will be a long day, though, and I'll be glad when it's behind me.

[ready2go]

Don, how is Carol doing?

I'm sure this is more than anyone here wants to know, but here's an update:

I think (hope) I am doing okay, but Carol is not. She is sliding downhill fast. Along with her heart issues which are slowly becoming worse, her diabetes has become "brittle diabetes"...a term not often used or heard.

Brittle diabetes happens when reasonable blood sugar readings suddenly crumble and rapidly become either very high and/or dangerously low within 2-3 hours with little warning and for no reason. Very high readings could cause diabetic coma, and the dangerous low readings would likely be fatal if not corrected in time. Carol's high readings have not been serious, but her low readings have been a major problem.

Because of the unpredictable nature of brittle diabetes, I have been checking her for low blood sugar every 2-4 hours...night and day…and correcting it as needed. About two weeks ago she had five very low blood sugar events within a two day period. It often causes hallucinations, confusion, nausea, inability to speak, and more. Carol was almost non-responsive 2-3 of those times. I believe I saved her life at least twice during that time.

Brittle diabetes can only be managed by raising the average daily level to a higher/above-normal blood sugar average such that when the low events occur (and they will), they will not be so low they become de-habilitating (is that a word?) or life-threatening. The doctors have given me freedom to adjust insulin dosages based on my daily records of her sugar readings in an attempt to reduce the serious lows. I am working on that to the best of my reasoning, but progress is very slow and frustrating.

Along with that, Carol has been having big-time fluid retention issues causing swollen feet and ankles, and difficulty breathing. That is caused by her weak heart not pumping enough blood to allow the kidneys to function as they should. We are trying to reduce the fluid retention with prescription meds and diet, but progress is slow or non-existent.

Carol does not want to see anyone or go anywhere, even for doctor appointments. She has not come out of her bedroom for at least three weeks. Even using her walker she needs help just walking 15-20 ft. to her bathroom every few hours, and more help is needed after she is in there. Much of her day is spent in bed trying to sleep which only happens in short 1-2 hour spurts, but then it is very fitful and restless. She is so fatigued she can't keep her eyes open, but can't sleep either. Here’s another problem…serious lack of sleep can cause insulin resistance in diabetics.

Carol doesn't care anymore. Her on-going/long-term physical conditions have caused mental/emotional issues. She has given up ever feeling better again. Carol is simply sick of being sick with no improvement. The doctors have also said she probably won't get any better.

I feel like my heart is slowly being ripped away when I see her like this. It is a feeling I don’t have the words to describe.

Don

[Laurie]

Don, from what you've said recently, I was afraid Carol probably wasn't seeing any improvement with her diabetes. I'm just so sorry, though, that things continues at such an extreme. The other problems and inability to sleep have to be really hard, too. And the fact that she refuses to go to the doctor anymore. Certainly understandable, but hard to see, I'm sure. She's so blessed to have you taking such great care of her. Understandably it's incredibly hard on you, though, both physically and emotionally.

[Allison]

I'm doing okay. My feet are still quite swollen, though. Sleep has not been the best the past few nights, but I've gotten enough, I think. I still have "Boa," my pump for five more days and can't WAIT to get rid of it. Pain has been minimal with only taking a pain pill in the morning when I get up and one or two at night, mostly just to get to sleep and not really because of pain.

Don, I'll be praying for you and Carol! That must be so hard.

[Verna]

Don, my heart breaks with yours for Carol's condition and your sadness. I am sure she is eager to see the face of the Lord and to be free from pain. You can never have any regrets that you have failed her in any way. You have been the most loyal, caring husband any woman could have. May God give you strength and peace going through these terribly difficult days.

Laurie, I hope the thyroid medication helps, and I hope that after this first anniversary of your dad's death, your sense of loss will ease some.

Allison, just keep on keeping on--the hardest part is over.

Joanney, you're in my prayers today for every decision.

Mariane, my message to you is last--but not least. I'm so thankful that your surgery is over and you are improving. I know you aren't hungry after all this ordeal. (I would love to give you some of my appetite . . . and a hug!)

I saw a PA for a physical yesterday. (Our doctor had a complicated surgery of his own.) What I thought was bursitis in my elbow is tennis elbow. So, I'll get me an arm band to ease that.

The beautiful snow we had on Saturday evening soon disappeared with warming temperatures.

Hope all my porch friends have a day blessed with the presence of the Lord.

[BeachGrandma]

Don, like Verna and the others, my heart aches for both you and Carol. It often seems that you've both been stretched beyond the limits of endurance and it's time for some resolution. My sister had brittle diabetes and often would be talking on the phone to any one of our family members and suddenly we'd hear a crash, then silence. We knew her sugar had dropped too quickly and she would be on the floor in yet another diabetic coma. We'd quickly call her neighbor to rush over to help her, then call an ambulance. Most of us lived out of town so we had to depend on friends and relatives for each crisis. My sister insisted on living alone after her husband left her so that presented more problems. When she finally went blind, she seemed to give up and, like Carol, felt she would never be better so would beg God to take her Home. Her only son moved back home to care for her the last few months of her life. It was so hard on him, too, and we would spend hours asking "Why does she have to suffer so with her dreaded dialysis treatments and also unending pain in her sightless, darkened world?"

You may have read this article but I hope in rereading it, you'll find renewed comfort and strength . You and Carol couldn't feel any closer to us if you were blood relatives. When you are full of joy, we rejoice with you and when you are hurting, we share your burden through intercessory prayer.

God bless you both. We love you dearly.