My cousin diagnosed with breast cancer

[RedBaron]

Well, the family genetic issue strikes again. My younger cousin, only 39, was diagnosed with breast cancer. Mom said she's planning on doing chemo, the preventative hist/ooph like I had done, and double mastectomy.

She's a single mom of two teenage boys. Please keep them in prayer, as well as my aunt and uncle, and the rest of the family - her brother, wife, and their kids.

For those on FB, this is my unspoken request. I don't know how public she wants this, as she is on FB , to. I told her I was going to hav people pray.

I'm also not sure how/if/ when to tell our older two. They know about my sister's two battles with cancer, and that I had surgery to reduce my risks. Part of me is thinking I'm next even though all my exams have been good. I don't want them to worry, but I don't want to hide it from them.

[Allison]

Oh no. Praying for her.

[Kiwigirl]

Shari, this is the hard part of being a mother. You have to think of the kids - most children don't need to know the minute things start to go wrong; they need to know once it is obvious that things have gone wrong. No kid needs to fear that their mother is going to get sick like Auntie ___ and so I would suggest that you talk to someone who can support you without being burdened.

I had a similar instance at the end of last year. I needed to share it. I wanted to share it with my immediate family but I knew it would be disruptive and frightening. My children are all in their teens, but in this particular instance there was no reason for them to experience the fear until the time was right. I talked to a friend who was as gutted as me, and then I talked to another friend, slightly distant, who was able to keep things in perspective without bowing beneath the emotional load herself, purely because she is not emotionally attached to those concerned.

I will pray for your cousin, and also that your fears will be taken away. And, I suppose, that you will be given the strength to do what is right for your children.

[RedBaron]

My cousin started one of the online Caring Bridge journals. I'm sitting hear bawling and can't stop.

It's stage two. I know we'd told our family about the mutation, but I didn't know if any of them got tested. My cousin didn't test until after the cancer appeared. It's stage two. I can't help but think that if they'd tested when we did, she could have had the preventative surgery and maybe avoided it.

The doctor noticed something a year ago, but didn't think it was anything serious. Even after she felt a lump, they thought it was probably an infection, nothing to worry about, but decided to test anyway.

I'm furious. His neglect could have cost her her life.

Please keep praying.

[jerseygirl]

Shari, I hear your anguish and hurt with your hurt / feel your anger about this Dr.who didn't act in time... But God is in control. I know it's hard to think that at a time like this. I lost a family member to suicide and so I know how painful life can be. Yet, thanks be to God, I have seen His goodness too. I pray for your cousin right now in Jesus name, that this ugly cancer will be rooted right out of her. I pray that if there is anything diet or nutrition wise she can do as well as the chemo that God will guide and direct her to exactly what she needs, her perfect prescription from Him! I pray for you; your mom and cousin's family that they will have strength; courage and His grace to get through this each and every day. I also pray for the perfect timing in telling your kids because sometimes if your wait too long and the kids find out, they can feel like they were left out of the mix. It depends on the ages and emotional temperament of your kids as well as how often they will be seeing your cousin. But only you know in your heart, you and the Lord what the best time is. I also pray for the best way to tell them so that they know that the family is all in this together and they are part of the family, and can come to you whenever needed. I have been part of a "Caring Bridge" community before and although it is very emotional, it is a wonderful way for your cousin to feel supported and loved. Also, too, everyone, especially those who aren't family can easily be updated. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and i will put your cousin and family in our prayer basket at our church for additional prayer. Because He first loved us, I send blessings and love to you!

[RedBaron]

Thanks. Just so you know, the mutation came through my dad's side of the family, his mom (had been told stomach cancer, but was probably ovarian), and grandma (I think they said colon). My sister is a two times survivor. That's how we found out about the mutation. This means my uncle also has it, and there's a 50/50 chance my other cousin -her brother - has it, as well as all of their kids, if he does.

[deejay]

I hear you on doctors missing things. When I was a teenager, one of my dad's sisters was told that the constant pain in her lower back was just arthritis. It wasn't until later that they found out it was cancer--too late. One of my mom's brother's was told by his doctors at the VA that he had a low-grade leukemia. Turned out, it was colon cancer, but they didn't find out until it was stage four. I lost two funny, lovely relatives that I loved very much because a doctor goofed up.

What's especially shameful is how VA doctors seem to give patients short shrift. These men and women took time out of their lives to serve their country, and they get worse medical and dental care than civilians. Even criminals get better medical care.