Needs a little polish, but here goes . "I Wil lStand"

[DonnaEdgar]

I will stand
by donna edgar 1-13-13

The clouds look so dark and angry, swirling above my head.
The waters want to crash and claim me with the dead.
I am so small, in the vastness of it all.
I am only a lowly servant, a pale warrior at best;
I cry out to Almighty God, 'Oh, save me and hide me in the cleft.'
I stand and wait in stillness, I feel you calm my frightened heart.
I know I am not alone; You, O Holy One, have placed me in your Arc.
I will stand and wait in stillness, silent as a doe.
No evil can harm me, for where You are, I will go.

[jo555]

Nice Donna. It spoke to me. Like a whisper in the midst of a storm.

Thanks for sharing.

The only thing I see to critique right now is the term "beating heart".

I thought maybe another term would be more effective for the piece, like distressed or troubled heart, or something like that.

Thanks again!

[Shann]

This is really lovely. You say so much is such few words. I agree with the beating heart, since all hearts are hopefully beating here on earth it comes off as redundant but even more misses the point--perhaps pounding heart or fluttering heart. The other thing I noticed is sometimes you capitalize You when referring to God and sometimes you don;t. Either one is acceptable, but you should be consistent with it. You pack a lot of power into so few words. My two favorite lines are: I am so small, in the vastness of it all. and the last one. They really grabbed my beating heart. I couldn't resist but know I jest with love! And it really did reach out and grab me.

[DonnaEdgar]

Jo and Shann,
Thank you so much. I truly apperciate your advice. Every tip and comment is wonderful. You just might make a writter out of me yet!!
Your Sista, Donna

[DonnaEdgar]

P.S.
I changed beating heart to frightened heart.
Thank you again.
Donna

[Shann]

P.S.
I changed beating heart to frightened heart.
Thank you again.
Donna

At first I thought you were talking about smileys and that it meant you were scared of my heart that I left and changed it to a frightened heart. So, before I realized you were talking about your poem, this was my initial reaction:
Are you saying I'm scary? Tah now wacky I'll admit to but never scary.

Hmmmm...maybe. Once I was keeping score for my son's little league game and some kids started throwing rocks at the booth. So I stepped out and quite nicely asked the kids to stop. One brazen little brat--err,I mean boy--looked at me and said, "You think you can make me?"

His buddy grabbed his arm and said, "Dude, that's Q's mom." Then they both ran off.

I asked Quinten what on earth did he tell his friends about me? He claims he didn't say anything and that I was known as someone who wouldn't take any sass from a kid but I'm sure he must have scared them with his stories because it's been ten years and those kids are still afraid of me!

[DonnaEdgar]

Shann,
AaaaaHa-ha-ha,...gasp! AaaaaHa-ha-ha!! That was so funny! I needed that! AaaaaaHa-ha-ha,...snort! Oh my Gosh! Teeeeeee-he-he,... AaaaaHa-ha-ha,.... wiping tears from my eyes!
AaaaaaaaHa-ha-ha!! Thank you for that,....trying to control crazy giggles. Nope! here they come again! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa Haaaaaaaaa-ha-ha!!

[Shann]

So glad I entertained you! I'm here every day folks

[DonnaEdgar]

Oh Shann,
You are a jewel!! I love to laugh and I do it often. It comes up from my belly and rushes from out of my heart. I'm talkin' really roll on the floor, tears flowin' and peals of giggles that would make even a grouch laugh. So I am glad you entertained me also. That laughter was a high compliment from me to you. Thank you, it was a great giggle fit and when I retell it, I will laugh again.

Laughter doth good, like a medicene.
Your Sister, Donna

[Shann]

I was trying to think of something witty like feel free to leave a tip on the way out, but it didn't quite seem to fit, but it's early yet so give me time.

[DonnaEdgar]

Shann,
Tick, tock, tick, tock.....Aaaaaa Ha-ha-ha!!
I love your sense of humor!

Donna

[Shann]

Humor? I wasn't joking but totally serious! TAH!

[DonnaEdgar]

Oooohh Nooooo!! Now I have to come back with something witty..... Nope! Got a cold and my brain has turned to mush. If I blow my nose, my head will collapse!! I come up with something later.