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Southern Porch Extension

A place for general chat (non-writing related). Please keep political discussions to the relevant neighborhood forum.

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Green Leaves
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Green Leaves » Wed Nov 28, 2012 4:49 pm

Thanks for sharing that, Carole. I too have passed it on to many.
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Laurie
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Laurie » Wed Nov 28, 2012 6:16 pm

Go, Ben Stein! He said it well.

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forHIM
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby forHIM » Wed Nov 28, 2012 10:42 pm

Thought I'd share this Naughty or Nice List that I found on the internet . . . not sure if it is 100% accurate but it could be a good glide line.

I see some stores on it that won't get my business too bad Old Navy I did like some of your clothes.
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Naughty_list-640x455.jpg
I'm Checking the list . . . checking it twice gonna find out who believes or not . . .
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Last edited by forHIM on Wed Nov 28, 2012 11:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Carole L
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Carole L » Wed Nov 28, 2012 11:02 pm

Interesting that B & N is against, while it's subsidiary Books a Million is for.
Carole

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BeachGrandma
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby BeachGrandma » Thu Nov 29, 2012 2:58 pm

You won't believe how much fun you can have with this:

http://www.draftfcb.com/holiday2011/
"O Jesus, Jesus, dearest Lord, forgive me if I say
For very love, thy sacred name, a thousand times a day.
O Jesus, Lord, with me abide; I rest in Thee whate'er betide.
Thy gracious smile is my reward. I love, I love Thee, Lord.


Mariane Holbrook

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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby ready2go » Thu Nov 29, 2012 7:40 pm

BeachGrandma wrote:You won't believe how much fun you can have with this:

http://www.draftfcb.com/holiday2011/


? ? ? ? ?

Don
John 14:6
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby ready2go » Fri Nov 30, 2012 11:23 pm

I was skimming through one of my "thoughts, humor, and stories" files and found this true story. Maybe I have posted the story here before, but I don't remember. I thought it was funny, so here it is:

Don


I'm just a simple country boy from South Dakota...I always will be...and I like it that way. Nothing fancy...not out to impress anyone...just a simple meat and potatoes kind of guy who wears 10 year old faded jeans with frayed hems.

It reminds me of a true story from years ago. You see...when I was attending school in a "big city" in 1960, I dated a girl who was determined that I should learn and enjoy the "finer things" of life. She took me to restaurants with food items on the menu that I could not pronounce...we went to a couple of operas where the performers didn't speak/sing in English...and we also went to a couple of high-class marionette performances in the University's live theater setting.

The food at the restaurants was "different", but edible. The opera and marionette performances always had a packed house, and the men were all dressed up in suits, too. I didn't even own one. The audience reactions and responses to different scenes are still beyond my understanding. There were standing ovations...applause that seemed to go on forever...and people yelling out, "Bravo! Bravo!" I'm in there going, "Huh! What is wrong with all these people?"

Needless to say, my high-class girl friend lost the battle. I was so out of there, it made her head swim.

Buh-bye, lady...I'm goin' back to the country! There'll be no big city extreme make-over for me!
Last edited by ready2go on Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
John 14:6
Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

"My Journey To Jesus"
http://faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=41225

http://faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=18654

"The Israel Connection"
http://theisraelconnection.blogspot.com/

"I have a story to tell...the saving gospel to share...and the fire of the Holy Spirit burning deep within my soul."

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Ms. Barbie
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Ms. Barbie » Sat Dec 01, 2012 8:53 pm

That snow globe is too scary. How did they know? I did not include a zip code and most certainly did not use my home address!
However, it's not always accurate.
Barb Culler

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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby ready2go » Sat Dec 01, 2012 9:04 pm

All I saw was snow faling and slowly piling up. I waited...and waited...and waited, but nothing but snow. :brrr

Is something else supposed to be there? Maybe an image of my house? Nada...nope...nothing! It doesn't believe I live anywhere. Even tried my old address...didn't happen there either...just more snow.

Maybe I suffer from snow blindness. :?

Don
John 14:6
Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

"My Journey To Jesus"
http://faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=41225

http://faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=18654

"The Israel Connection"
http://theisraelconnection.blogspot.com/

"I have a story to tell...the saving gospel to share...and the fire of the Holy Spirit burning deep within my soul."

ready2go
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby ready2go » Sun Dec 02, 2012 10:45 am

I selected a few of my true-life entries from my "humor and fun stories" files to share here with you. (I have dozens of them)

Enjoy...or not!

Don



My sister-in-law’s husband loved hot peppers and so did his dog. The next day after eating them, the dog would be squatting in the yard howling his head off. I guess they were burning hot going in and burning hot going out.

I never thought to ask my sister-in-law if her hubby howled the next day like his dog.

~ ~ ~

When I was about 20 or so, sometimes I would roll into my hometown at 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning. Our local town cop would often pull me over in the middle of town and ask how my car was running that night. You see, his squad car was exactly like mine - outfitted the same way, same engine, etc.

He would suggest that we find out which car was the best, then, we would go out onto a straight highway and race. This took place in South Dakota in the middle of the night, and no one else was out there. We would go from a standing start to over 130 mph side by side on the highway. I would always beat him.

The next day he would always bring his police car into the shop for a tune-up where I worked as a mechanic, and would tell me to fix it. However, for some reason that never seemed to help.

~ ~ ~

I can often find humor in some of the strangest things, and today was one of those times.

I answered my doorbell this afternoon to find a big burley guy from a tree trimming company looking for work. He looked like a cross between Paul Bunyan, the legendary woodsman, and Tennessee Ernie Ford's Big Bad John.

You all remember “Big Bad John”:
He stood six-foot-six and weighed two-forty-five,
Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip,
Everybody knew you didn't give no lip to Big John.
Big John
Big John
Big Bad John


Anyway, after I told him my trees didn't need trimming, he backed away several steps and turned around to leave. Then, I saw him leap about two feet into the air while screaming, "Yi! Aggrrh! Ohhh! Ahh! Whoa, man!" (Now, imagine that mix of sounds as all one word).

It seems that the big snake that's been hanging around out in front of my house decided to crawl onto my little sidewalk to see what was going on. Big Bad John had almost stepped on the snake before he saw it. Big John suddenly had a major panic attack. (the snake was at least 3' long and bigger around than a broom handle – it was not a garter snake, but I don't know what kind it was). He said he was deathly afraid of snakes, and would rather be attacked by a pack of rabid pit bulls.

I told him he could take the snake home with him, but he wasn't interested. Big John made a quick exit! I'm sorry, but I found humor in that situation.

~ ~ ~

I saw something interesting (and humorous, too) along the roadway this morning while driving to church. Ahead in the distance next to the pavement, I saw what appeared to be a hen turkey searching for food in the grassy areas of the ground. Then, close to the hen was what seemed to be a very large gray/brown/black round shaped object - but the strange object was slowly moving around.

As I drove closer I could see that the large round object was actually a tom turkey with his body feathers fluffed out, and his tail feathers fully displayed in a wide fan shape – as is typically shown in pictures. The tom seemed very determined while strutting around and doing his best to gain the hen's attention. Using all of his full-feathered pride, the poor guy was trying to do everything in the book to be noticed. Mr. Tom had serious sex on his mind.

The part I found rather humorous was that she was ignoring him. The hen seemed more interested in filling her gizzard with roadside gravel than she was in playing kissy face with some old hot-to-trot bird. She was undoubtedly playing the hard-to-get game with Old Tom - not unlike females of the human kind.

But then, perhaps that was just her way of saying, “Not now, dear...I have a headache.” As I slowly drove by them, the game continued...

~ ~ ~

When I was 10 or 11 years old, my dad came to me and told me he noticed a large fresh hole had been dug under the corner of our farmhouse near the back door. He said he didn't want critters under there, so he asked me to try to catch it. I looked at the hole and set a staked down steel trap next to it.

The next morning my dad woke me before he went to work and said I had caught something already, and that I should take care of it. I thought, no problem - I got dressed and went down to take a look. In the trap was a leg caught skunk with an annoyed look on his face. Again, no problem. I picked up the rifle, loaded it with a couple of shells, and slowly pointed it out through the slightly open screen door and took aim.

Now, I don't know if I was a little nervous or if a breeze moved the screen door, but my shot missed the skunk standing only 8-10 feet away. Anyway, the skunk saw me, turned around, and with what seemed like a slight smile on its face, he proceeded to give me a shot of his own. When that stream of skunk spray hit the door screen, it atomized and filled the entire house with its mind numbing, eye watering perfume that only skunks are blessed with. With my eyes burning, my second shot hit its mark.

I took the skunk into the woods and buried it before going to school. I do think I changed clothes before going to school, but it probably didn't do much good. It might not have mattered though, because farm kids went to school in those days with all sorts of stuff on their shoes and boots after feeding the cows. It was normal and nobody seemed to notice.

The entire house reeked for a few weeks as did the area around the house for at least 100 yards.
John 14:6
Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

"My Journey To Jesus"
http://faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=41225

http://faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=18654

"The Israel Connection"
http://theisraelconnection.blogspot.com/

"I have a story to tell...the saving gospel to share...and the fire of the Holy Spirit burning deep within my soul."

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Edy
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Edy » Sun Dec 02, 2012 4:45 pm

Don, you should find a local newspaper and submit some of those cute stories. They might make you be one of their columnists! Give yourself a catchy title (I recall a column from a country newspaper when we were youngsters, something like the "Country Parson" that even we kids found to be interesting reading, and was often accompanied by a short moral to the story ending).

Then, when you're famous, like Mr. Rogers, or Charles Schultz, all your faithwriter friends can claim "We knew him way back when!" 8)
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Verna
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Verna » Sun Dec 02, 2012 5:47 pm

Fun stories, Don . . . There must be a book in there somewhere!
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby ready2go » Sun Dec 02, 2012 8:33 pm

I have well over 80 Microsoft pages of that stuff. Other than sharing a few of my stories and humor here on the porch, nothing much has been done with them. Maybe one day after I am gone somebody will stumble into them, and give them a quick read...maybe, but I don't know. Perhaps nobody will care about any of the things I have written.

With my fulltime 24/7 caregiver job, I don't have the time to chase down newspapers or put a book together. I wish I did, but that's the way it is.

Don
John 14:6
Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

"My Journey To Jesus"
http://faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=41225

http://faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=18654

"The Israel Connection"
http://theisraelconnection.blogspot.com/

"I have a story to tell...the saving gospel to share...and the fire of the Holy Spirit burning deep within my soul."

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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby deejay » Mon Dec 03, 2012 2:34 pm

Big Bad John was probably a scammer--real tree trimmers don't go house to house looking for work. He probably would've damaged your trees and charged you a mint of money for the privilige.

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Green Leaves
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Green Leaves » Mon Dec 03, 2012 7:43 pm

I know it seems like all I do is ask for prayer but we got a call from Marty's brother in law, Floyd, today saying he had just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. We would appreciate your prayers for him.
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