Southern Porch Extension

[Green Leaves]

I'm sorry, Laurie. Yes, grief takes time and is a very slow process. I pray you will experience the comfort of the Lord's presence, holding you in His arms.

[Laurie]

Thanks, Carol.

[Joanney]

Laurie, as I watched my former husband and his family grieve the death of his father, the one thing that I noticed is that those that allowed themselves to cry were over the worst of the pain much sooner. Had Paul allowed himself to grieve rather than telling his sister to "move on" he might not have made some of the choices that broke up the marriage. His sister is much healthier emotionally than he is because she grieved. But it seemed to others that she was taking too long. Everyone grieves at their own pace and no one should push it. The important thing is that you allow yourself to work through the grief, not avoid it.

Friday night when I went to the airport to meet Greg as he flew home from Czech, I noticed that my one sandal was tighter than the other. Then when I went to bed that night, I noticed that foot was swollen. It remained swollen all week, so yesterday I called the doctor and got an appointment for today. Of course last night when I went to bed and today the swelling was down and not as noticeable, but the nurse said she could still tell it was swollen some. She also said they have had a lot of people in for swollen feet this summer and the causes were varied.

But, this morning the mysterious rash that I sometimes get on my ankles decided to show up, so I had her look at that also. She immediately knew what it was and looked at the veins in my legs. Today is the first that my medical records show Varicose Veins, but I have known for several years that I had them. Paul's sister-in-law is a doctor in Indiana and asked one day at a family picnic if my Varicose Veins ever give me any trouble. Until this rash started this summer, my answer would have remained the same as 5-6 years ago when she asked -- no. Today the doctor suggested that I consider talking to a surgeon about having them mapped and having surgery. That suggestion was even stronger when I told her that my mom and one of my sisters have had that surgery.

For now, she prescribed compression socks. I wore them to work this afternoon and felt more energized, but was ready to get off my feet when I got home.

We also talked about the sleep issues I have been having and she wants me to Google sleep apnea and take an online test. Then when I go back in two months we can discuss if I think it is appropriate to do a sleep study.


Gee, after reading through and editing this post, one would think that I was uneducated in grammar and had poor writing skills.

[ready2go]

Please be careful as you prepare for the work on the house. And I hope your son will be over to help. Is there anyone in your new church you'd feel comfortable asking - or asking the pastor or other leader if they know of someone?

My son can get away for a while to help with some of the "heavy lifting" and "tall ladder climbing" that needs to be done.

I've only been attending my new church of about 400 for a little over a year, so I have not made great head-way toward getting to know very many of them yet. However, I have had a chance to visit with the two Pastors and they know who I am. I would think a church of that size would have "helping hands" available for those who would need them.

I've always had a big problem asking anyone for help with anything. I rarely ever do that. However, maybe a much bigger problem is my admitting or recognizing that I might need help. I think that I have said before that I would buy a $75.00 tool that I would only use only once, rather than ask my neighbor if I could borrow his for an hour. But yet, I would quickly loan anything to others if asked.

Don

[Laurie]

Don, I agree that in a church that size there should be someone who could help you with some things. I know it's hard to ask for help, but does it help when you think of the fact that you aren't asking only for your own benefit, but for Carol's also, since she needs you so much? I just don't want to see you do things alone and hurt yourself when someone else would be glad to use his gifts and help you. I'm glad your son should be able to come over and help this time.

Edy, how is Howard doing?

Thanks, Joanney. I so agree with you. I've told myself from the beginning to just take the grief as it comes, and I do think it will help me move through the process much better this way. Better out than in. I've been frustrated at times because the actions of others have taken my time and energy away from grieving - not that I stopped, but my focus was on other things because those issues were so infuriating. I'm sorry that grieving, or actually not grieving it sounds like, played a role in Paul's decisions. How hard that must been to have seen that happen. And sorry to hear you may need surgery for your varicose veins. And about the sleeping trouble, too. I've heard of others with sleep apnea, and it seems that the machines they use at night really help.

I went to a grief support group a few times. Nice people and I don't mind being there, but I can't say it actually helps. I think the thing I sometimes want the most is just to talk about my dad, tell people about his life and the man he was.

I had a guest blog post published yesterday on a site that's focused on eating disorder recovery from a Christian perspective. So the three places I submitted pieces last week all published my submissions this week.

[BeachGrandma]

Don, I was so sorry to read about Carol's latest problem. Just the thought of diminished vision is frightening, let alone blindness. I pray that this will not develop any further but be halted where it is or better yet, that God would heal her. When my sister went blind, it was so hard to hear her say, "Everything I've ever loved or wanted or needed has been taken away from me." Her husband left her for her best friend. Her diabetes caused her to go into diabetic comas so often that she would sometimes be talking on the phone and fall over into a coma. She was forever being rushed to the hospital. Her second marriage was a disaster and when she came to spend a month with me in North Carolina (she and my mother flew down together), her second ex-husband broke into her house and smashed all 75 of her Hummell figurines which she'd been collecting for many years. That was the last straw. Friends had abandoned her because she couldn't go out to dinner with them any more, and people stopped visiting because they were afraid she'd go into a diabetic coma during a conversation. She insisted on living alone and a couple of neighbors stopped in several times a day to check on her. Thank God for them! But despair is a terrible thing and having to stand by and not be able to take away Carol's fears and discomfort from all her other illnesses too is such a load on you as well. How I pray for God's sustaining grace to be poured on you like healing oil, Don, so you can continue doing all you have been doing for her and with such love and patience. The old gospel song comes to mind, "Where Could I Go But To The Lord?"

Laurie, Debby, and all the rest who need prayer, you're high on my list. God bless you all.

[Carole L]

I'm home!!

It was a great week at the lake. Spent three hours floating on one of those raft floaty things in the water Wednesday, and again on Thursday. Slathered ourselves with so much sunscreen first that I almost slid off the raft and could hardly hang onto the ladder to get in the water. But it was great! Didn't burn at all, barely even got red, which is a major miracle for me. We had a rope we were all hanging onto, so we could just drift and bounce with the waves, and know we could back to the boat. It was like being in a giant rocker. Sometimes, when other boats left a huge wake, it felt like we were going to get washed off the floats, but instead of panicking I started singing that silly lullaby, Rock a Bye Baby! We all laughed at that, until we got to the part about falling. I'm not sure just how smart the whole thing was. None of the three of us could really swim, we all have this really MAJOR life consuming fear of getting our face in the water, yet, there we were, floating, in a very deep lake, nothing but the rope we were holding onto to keep us there, and rocking away.

But we talked, oh, man, did we talk. My throat is sore, not much voice left. We talked about everything! Our slogan was the same as at Vegas, what gets said here, stays here. I've got to tell you, it was wonderful to be able to vent, and rant, and rave, and cry, and repeat, and cry, and... we didn't have to worry about anybody finding out or repeating things we were saying. We all agreed at the beginning, that even our husbands were not privy to any of it. It left us free to open up. We all got some things out that we had been holding in because of the fear of repercussions. We said things we probably wouldn't have said to a therapist. And guess what, we discovered soooo many similarities! We all shared some of the same problems, and fears. And we were able to talk about ways we could get past them, I think we worked out a lot of stuff. Maybe we need to do this on a regular basis!

We stayed up hours past our regular bedtimes. Played Mexican Train (dominoes) till 1 am on Wednesday night. Thought we were going to do it again last night, but then, at supper, we started talking about some deep stuff, (what I had wanted prayer for when I mentioned it last week) and we never stopped talking, and then, eventually laughing, till midnight.

Yesterday was totally in God's hands for many "happenings". With the super heat, it means severe thunderstorms sometimes come up out of nowhere, especially on the lake. We checked the weather before we headed out on the pontoon boat, but God had his hand on the timing of EVERYTHING.

After we had been in the water for the three hours (aprox) we decided to get out, our arms were tired, it was a little choppier, and there was a brisk wind. We had been watching some dark clouds, but they seemed to be breaking up and moving away from us so we didn't worry about them. So, there we are, sitting in the pontoon boat, relaxing, snacking a little, drinking lots of cold water, returning a couple calls that had come in while we were floating, assured family we were ok, and we realized the sky was suddenly getting very dark off to one side. So we hauled in the ladder, pulled up the anchor (it took a while, it got stuck on something), and headed for the boat dock. Ok, I need to inject a side note here. Linda (boat owner) very seldom ever pilots the boat. There are always others around, (husband, son, grandsons, daughters, etc.) who do it. She had been to the lake the week before with her daughter and grandson, and had practiced, several times, learning how to put the boat back in the slip at the marina. That had been her first time, ever! So, on Wed., when we went out, it took her three tries to get it into the slip. That was on a quiet day, with very little wind. So, here we are, racing for the marina, watching lightening on the other side of the lake. Connie and I both grabbed each other's hands and began praying "Lord, please let us get in safely, and let Linda be able to get the boat in on the first attempt".

Well, when we headed into the slip, the wind was gusting, and Linda couldn't get the boat to turn. She needed to turn in a direction that had the wind coming at us broadsides. We were blowing past the slip, and into the direction of another already docked boat, and couldn't do a thing. All of a sudden, Jesus calmed the waves and the wind and we slid right into the slip, perfectly! First try! We got the boat tied up, gathered our stuff and dashed for the van. It was a five minute drive to the lake house. We were barely inside when everything busted loose. That rain pelted down so hard we couldn't even see out the windows. We all quickly headed for the showers, and then, just as we were heading back to the kitchen, the power went out. It only stayed out for a couple minutes, but that was enough to make us hurry to heat the week's leftovers for supper. We sat, and talked, and watched the storms, they came in waves. A couple of small branches came down, but nothing major.

Then The Topic came up that needed to be discussed. We never even cleared the table; we just headed for a big overstuffed sofa, and took a box of tissues with us. God guided that conversation, and we could feel His presence there, as we all felt closure on some issues.

The conversation and the storms, ended about the same time.

So, all in all, it was a VERY good week.

[Carole L]

Laurie, Why don't you try writing your memories of your down. Use the writing of them as therapy. It will also be something you can look back on later, or maybe even share parts of it with family at some time.

Don't try to edit as you write, just write. What ever comes to mind. Don't worry about the order, or if it's only a partial memory. Just write it down.

Later you can decide what to do with what you wrote.

[Carole L]

Deleted post

I had somehow posted twice, tried to delete second post, wouldn't let me

[Verna]

So glad to see my friends busy on the porch--talking and praying and comforting each other. That's what Christian friends are for--Glad you're mine.

[BeachGrandma]

Carole, what an interesting post! I could visualize every part of it and am so grateful to God for this provision for you and your friends. There is a bond between friends that even husbands can't duplicate, which is why God gave us friends in the first place. And it's wonderful that God lets us compartmentalize our lives so that we love each one differently. You've had enough stress the last 3 or 4 years that this get-together was long overdue and I'm so glad it came off without a hitch - no major illness or accident or having to go home early or any number of things. God be praised!

Our boys are gone now for 9 days with their mother and I miss them already! Some developments have occurred in the divorce case but I'm not at liberty to discuss them in open forum. Please pray for my loved ones involved.

Something has happened to the color of my font. Gray is all I can get so I might as well leave it black.

Love you guys!

[Laurie]

Carole, it sounds like you had a nice time away. I do journal, but sometimes I'd rather talk/type to others about my dad.

I spent time at my mom's yesterday with one of my brothers and one of my sisters. We had a nice time, though I wish we'd have had more time to talk about Dad - but, as is often the case, there were other matters to address. Still, was nice to spend time with them.

[Green Leaves]

Interesting. I just heard that the purple martins are the first to fly south and they have gone, so I guess that means fall is not far behind.

[ready2go]

Interesting. I just heard that the purple martins are the first to fly south and they have gone, so I guess that means fall is not far behind.

Our house wrens raised their "kids" and moved out about two weeks ago. I haven't seen or heard a wren since then. The purple martins might be blazing the south-bound trail for the wrens.

Attention:
Martin-Air just departed on flyway #50302.
Wren-Express prepared for takeoff.

Don

[Carole L]

They are going to do a biopsy of the nodes on Bill's thyroid at 9am (central) this morning. Heading out the door in a few, thanks.